The Difference Between Being Grateful and Gratitude – They are Not the Same

Think about ‘Being Grateful’ and ‘Gratitude’ for a minute. Do you really know what they mean?

We always hear from people about how grateful they are and how they feel gratitude. Most people use them interchangeably; however, there is a significant difference between “being grateful” and “gratitude.” While they are intimately related and often used interchangeably, they describe two distinct states: one is an action or a temporary state, while the other is a deep-seated, enduring quality of being.

“Being Grateful” is best defined as a reactive emotion or a conscious acknowledgment. It is the feeling you experience in response to a specific event, person, or circumstance. It is the “thank you” you feel when someone holds a door for you, the warmth in your chest when you receive a thoughtful gift, or the relief you feel after narrowly avoiding an accident. “Being grateful” is often momentary and targeted. You are grateful for something specific. It is a positive reaction, a cognitive and emotional recognition that something good has happened to you or has been done for you. You can actively choose to be grateful by counting your blessings or writing in a journal, making it a practice, but the feeling itself is often a response to an external stimulus. You show your greatfulness by saying “thank you” to those who helped you. When you don’t say “thank you,” it is considered to be ungrateful.

“Gratitude,” on the other hand, is a fundamental orientation or a pervasive state of being. It is not merely a reaction to specific events but a foundational lens through which you view your entire life. Gratitude is the underlying, abiding sense of appreciation for existence itself. It is less about being thankful for things and more about being thankful in all things. A person with a deep sense of gratitude can find meaning and appreciation even in the midst of challenges, recognizing the lessons within hardship and the simple miracle of being alive. It is a character trait, a spiritual posture, and a resilient inner resource. While “being grateful” can ebb and flow with daily events, “gratitude” is a relatively constant, quiet current that runs beneath the surface of your life, shaping your perception and coloring your experience of the world.

In essence, being grateful is the act of noticing the flowers, while gratitude is the state of mind that allows you to appreciate the entire garden, weeds and all. One is a series of individual, positive acknowledgments; the other is a holistic and enduring philosophy of life.

Applying the distinction between “being grateful” and “gratitude” to the experience of a traumatized scam victim reveals a critical and often painful roadblock in their recovery journey. Most survivors can readily access the state of “being grateful,” but struggle profoundly to cultivate the deeper, enduring quality of “gratitude,” which in turn hinders their ability to demonstrate it outwardly.

For the scam victim, “being grateful” is a reactive and cognitive lifeline. It is the list of things they can logically point to that are better than the worst-case scenario. They are grateful the scam is finally over, that the daily torment of manipulation has ceased. They are grateful they survived the emotional ruin, that they have a roof over their head when they could have lost everything. They are grateful for the specific person who listened to their story (at least sometimes), the officer who took their report, the support provider who brought you into their community and is helping you to recover, or the family member who offered a loan. These feelings are real and valid, but they are fundamentally defensive. They are points of light against an overwhelming darkness, a mental checklist to counter the crushing weight of the trauma. This form of greatefullness is a survival mechanism, a way of reminding oneself, “It could have been worse,” which is a very different thing from feeling, “My life, as it is, has inherent worth, and I owe the universe for my existence.”

The chasm between this reactive state and true “gratitude” is vast and is rooted in the nature of the trauma itself. A scam is not just a loss of money; it is a profound violation of trust that shatters a person’s core beliefs about the world and their own judgment. The resulting shame, self-blame, and fear create a toxic internal environment where the seeds of true gratitude cannot take root. How can one feel a pervasive appreciation for life when one’s own mind feels like an unsafe space? How can one be grateful in all things when the primary lesson of the trauma was that people and situations cannot be trusted? The victim’s perception is permanently altered to a scan for threats, making a holistic, appreciative orientation toward life feels not just difficult, but dangerous and naive.

This internal state directly explains why survivors almost never demonstrate gratitude with others. A person practicing gratitude radiates a quiet confidence and openness. They can offer help, listen without judgment, and extend a hand because their own foundation is secure. A victim who is merely “being grateful” is operating from a place of depletion and defense. Their energy is consumed by managing their own anxiety and pain. They may be able to say “thank you” for direct help, but they lack the emotional surplus to proactively offer support to another. To do so would require them to step outside their self-protective shell, to re-engage with the messy emotions of another person’s trauma when they can barely contain their own. Their inability to demonstrate gratitude is not a sign of selfishness; it is a symptom of their profound wound. They are clutching their specific points of “gratefulness” like a shield, and they cannot put the shield down to extend a hand to someone else. The journey to true recovery, therefore, involves moving from a list of things to be grateful for to a state of being that can find meaning and peace even in the scarred landscape of their own life.

As I recover from my near-death experience with the recent flu and the complications of deep dehydration and other medical conditions, I am deeply grateful to all those who helped me survive this experience. It will still take me weeks to fully recover from this. But not just this, I have real gratitude for my life and my responsibilities to others. It is part of the reason why, when I should be resting after arriving home, I spent the last two hours doing what I could to help others.

Always remember, we all have worth, but the measure of that worth is the support we provide to others. The meal we buy for a homeless person. The stray cat or dog we feed. The help we provide to a neighbor we barely know. In this life, we pay it forward, and this is what that means. Kindness is a manifestation of gratitude.

Please show your greatefulness and gratitude by helping your fellow survivors this 2026.

Happy Scam-Free New Year!

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
January 2026