Being Triggered by the Truth During Recovery

For a scam victim, the journey to recovery is often obstructed not just by the truth of the scam itself, but by the truth about their own behavior and participation in the recovery process.

Hearing an objective, unvarnished truth about their actions, such as continuing to contact the scammer, resisting advice, avoiding recovery, their paricipation, or isolating from family, can feel less like helpful guidance and more like a vicious personal attack. This intense, painful reaction is a direct symptom of the deep trauma they have endured.

The scam shattered their self-trust, leaving them hyper-sensitive to any perceived criticism. When a support person points out a self-sabotaging behavior, the victim’s traumatized mind does not hear a constructive observation; it hears an accusation that confirms their deepest fears: “You are failing at recovery,” or “You are still [fill in the blank].” The trigger is not the feedback itself, but the overwhelming shame and fear of being judged, which feels like a repeat of the original betrayal.

The first step toward harnessing this pain is to reframe the trigger. Instead of viewing it as an attack on your character, it must be seen as information to be analyzed. A trigger is a flare sent up by your nervous system, highlighting a point of conflict between your current actions and your goal of healing. When you feel that surge of anger or defensiveness after hearing feedback, pause, ask yourself:

• What part of this observation feels like an attack?
• What belief does it challenge?

If a supporter says, “Spending hours researching your scammer is preventing you from healing,” or “You have been silent for the last week, and appear to be giving up,” and you feel a wave of fury, the trigger is pointing directly to the coping mechanism you are not ready to let go of. It is illuminating the exact behavior where your healing needs to focus. The trigger is not a sign that the speaker is wrong; it is a sign that they have identified a critical area of resistance. By treating the trigger as data, you shift from being a victim of your emotions to being an investigator of them.

This process of investigation is only possible within a framework of radical truth about your own recovery. Healing cannot be built on a foundation of half-truths, false encouragement, avoidance, or denial about your progress. You cannot heal a behavior you refuse to acknowledge.

Radical truth is the commitment to seeing your own actions exactly as they are, no matter how uncomfortable. It means accepting that you might be engaging in avoidance or resistance, that your anger might be misdirected, or that your participation in support and recovery is passive rather than active. This is not about self-blame; it is about self-assessment, the necessary prerequisite for change. A patient cannot get better if they lie to their doctor about their symptoms. Similarly, a victim cannot heal if they are not honest with themselves and their support provider about their recovery behaviors.

The recovery process demands this radical truth because it is the only thing that can restore your agency. Denial, avoidance, resistance, and other negative coping or defense mechanisms keep you passive and stuck.

Truth, even when it is agonizing, is strengthening. It gives you the accurate information you need to make intentional decisions about your future. It allows you to stop wasting energy on defending self-sabotaging behaviors and redirect it toward tangible actions like setting boundaries, actively engaging in therapy or support, and processing your grief.

Learning to see your triggers not as attacks but as signposts is the key to unlocking this process. Each trigger you decode is a behavior you can change. Each hard truth you accept about your recovery is a step you take out of the cycle of trauma and into the driver’s seat of your own life.

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
November 2025