Scam Victim Recovery Insights
From the SCARS Institute
Blocking Emotions During Recovery
As a support provider, the SCARS Institute, one of the most persistent and bewildering phenomena we encounter are the victims who are genuinely offended by their own emotions.
In the wake of a devastating relationship scam, individuals are often flooded with a chaotic mix of grief, sadness, fear, rage, shame, and despair. While these reactions are the normal, predictable physiological and psychological responses to trauma, far too many victims treat them as a personal failing. They seem to view their own emotions as an enemy that must be defeated, a sign of weakness that must be hidden. They adopt a mindset of rigid suppression, convinced that the path forward is a personal conquest to “overcome” these emotions and not let them win. They believe that if they can just block the pain hard enough, it will cease to exist, and they can return to their lives unscathed.
Unfortunately, this approach is exactly the opposite of what is needed to heal and is often the very thing that stalls their recovery.
This resistance to emotions and feelings stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what emotions are. Victims often treat their grief, anger, and other emotions as hostile invaders, but emotions are not enemies; they are signals. They are the dashboard lights of the human psyche, flashing to alert you that something requires attention. When you feel grief, it is not a sign that you are broken; it is a signal that you have suffered a profound loss and need to process it. When you feel shame, it points to the injury of your self-concept, not to your inherent inadequacy. By viewing these signals as threats to be conquered, victims miss the vital information they carry. Strength does not come from resisting or blocking your emotions. True resilience comes from allowing them to pass through you, so you can observe what you are feeling, name it, and understand it.
The healing power of acceptance is immense.
When you grant your emotions the permission to exist, they inevitably lose their stranglehold. Emotions are energy in motion; they are designed to flow through you and provide you with insights into what is really happening. When you stop fighting the current and simply allow and observe, you can begin to practice a technique we often advocate: name it and not shame it. By identifying the specific emotion, “I am feeling abandonment,” or “I am feeling betrayal,” or “I am feeling sadness,” and refusing to shame yourself for it, you take away a small amount of its power each time. You stop being a victim of your feelings and start becoming a witness to them. This process is essential for mental health. Your emotional system is designed to regulate itself, but only if you allow it to function. By damming up the flow, you increase the pressure until the dam bursts, often leading to a catastrophic mental breakdown or prolonged, unmanageable distress.
It is crucial to recognize that chronic suppression, blocking, resisting, or avoiding your emotions is not a sustainable strategy. If you find that you are unable to access your feelings or that you are constantly battling to keep them under control, you are likely doing more damage than good. You cannot white-knuckle your way through complex trauma. In these cases, professional help is not just a luxury; it is a necessity. You will need trauma-informed therapy to safely dismantle the barriers you have built and to learn how to feel without fear. At the SCARS Institute, we understand that this level of care can seem out of reach, which is why we are committed to guiding you toward the help you need. If you join our SCARS Institute Survivors’ Community (www.SCARScommunity.org/register), we will help you understand the path to recovery and provide you with resources that can make it accessible. We even provide free therapy through our partners, while availability lasts. You do not have to fight this war alone, and you do not have to fight against yourself.
Please understand: allowing your emotions the space that they need is not allowing the scammers to win. The scammers do not care about your emotions or your recovery; they only care about your money. It is up to you to care about your recovery and survival.
Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
January 2026
This is but one component, one piece of the puzzle …
Understanding how the human mind is manipulated and controlled involves recognizing that the tactics employed by deceivers are multifaceted and complex. This information is just one aspect of a broader spectrum of vulnerabilities, tendencies, and techniques that permit us to be influenced and deceived. To grasp the full extent of how our minds can be influenced, it is essential to examine all the various processes and functions of our brains and minds, methods and strategies used the criminals, and our psychological tendencies (such as cognitive biases) that enable deception. Each part contributes to a larger puzzle, revealing how our perceptions and decisions can be subtly swayed. By appreciating the diverse ways in which manipulation occurs, we gain a more comprehensive understanding of the challenges we face in avoiding deception in its many forms.
“Thufir Hawat: Now, remember, the first step in avoiding a *trap* – is knowing of its existence.” — DUNE
“If you can fully understand your own mind, you can avoid any deception!” — Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
“The essence of bravery is being without self-deception.” — Pema Chödrön
