Don’t Ignore or Deny Your Trauma

Trauma Will Not Simply Go Away – It Is A Permanent Injury You Need To Learn To Manage

When a traumatized scam victim does not seek support and therapy, they are not simply delaying their recovery; they are actively allowing the trauma to fester and metastasize, poisoning every facet of their future.

The initial wound of the scam, left untreated, becomes the defining narrative of their life, a dark lens through which every future experience is viewed. The outcome is not a static state of sadness, but a progressive and deeply destructive psychological deterioration that can transform a once-functional person into a shadow of their former self.

It is a common misconception that a victim can simply will themselves to get better by suppressing the pain. Many become adept at compartmentalization, building a mental fortress around the traumatic memories and adverse emotions. Through sheer force of will, (they think) they may shove the experience into a locked box in their mind, convincing themselves and others that they are fine.

On the surface, they might even appear stable and functional. They return to work, engage in social obligations, and project an image of having moved on (because they say so). But this perceived stability is a fragile false facade. The underlying trauma, along with the unprocessed grief for their lost trust and finances, remains indefinitely, festering just beneath the surface. Shame, blame, and guilt never get resolved. This unresolved psychic material does not disappear; it is just hidden, and it leaks out in insidious ways like a toxic chemical spill. It manifests as chronic mental and physical health problems, unexplainable triggers and bouts of frustration or anger, a pervasive cynicism, or a deep-seated inability to feel true joy and connection. They are not healing; they are simply containing the poison, a strategy that requires immense, exhausting energy and is destined to fail eventually.

Shifting baseline bias is a subtle but powerful cognitive bias phenomenon that prevents us from recognizing the gradual, negative changes in our lives by continuously resetting our perception of “normal.” Our brain is an incredible adaptation machine, designed to acclimate to our circumstances to conserve energy and maintain a sense of stability. When a negative change occurs slowly, like the erosion of a relationship, the slow creep of a health issue, or the mounting stress of a job, our brain doesn’t flag it as an emergency. Instead, it adjusts its baseline of expectation (what it accepts as normal) to accommodate the new, worse reality. Yesterday’s unacceptable becomes today’s tolerable, and today’s tolerable becomes tomorrow’s new normal. This is why a person with a slowly deteriorating mental health might not realize how unhappy they’ve become until a moment of clarity, or why someone with a chronic illness forgets what it felt like to be truly well. The brain, in its effort to keep us functional, effectively blinds us to the cumulative decline. We don’t perceive the change as a series of alarming events, but as a single, unremarkable day, because our internal gauge for what is acceptable has been silently and continuously recalibrated downward.

The first and most immediate casualty is their mental stability. Without therapeutic intervention to fully recognize and manage the betrayal, the victim remains trapped in a state of hypervigilance and rumination (even though they do not recognize it as such). The brain, stuck in a trauma loop, replays the events of the scam, dissecting every mistake and amplifying every feeling of shame and foolishness. This constant internal torment often evolves into severe clinical anxiety, depression, and complex PTSD. Sleep becomes elusive, concentration shatters, and emotional regulation becomes impossible. The world is perceived as a fundamentally threatening place, and every interaction is filtered through a lens of suspicion and fear.

This is not a phase; it is a new, permanent state of being that erodes their ability to function, feel joy, or feel at peace.

This profound internal instability inevitably decimates their ability to fulfill family and parental duties. A parent consumed by trauma cannot be emotionally present or available for their children. They may be irritable, detached, or overly anxious, projecting their fears onto their children and creating an environment of instability. The simple acts of patience, play, and emotional support become monumental tasks. Their spouse or partner is forced into the role of a caregiver, walking on eggshells to avoid triggering an outburst or a wave of despair. The relationship, starved of genuine connection and strained under the weight of the unspoken trauma, often buckles and breaks. The family unit, which should be a source of strength, becomes another casualty of the crime, fractured by the victim’s untreated pain. All the while, the victim reminds themself that they are a good person, they are fine, and they are over their experience.

It only gets worse: unmanaged trauma and unprocessed grief rarely stay hidden; they manifest through a constellation of behavioral and emotional clues that signal an internal system on constant high alert. A primary indicator is a markedly reduced tolerance for frustration, where minor inconveniences, like a traffic jam or a slow computer, trigger an outsized surge of frustration or anger, or despair that feels disproportionate to the event. This intolerance often extends to the social sphere, making the individual rigid and argumentative, unable to handle contradicting opinions or perceived criticism without becoming defensive or shutting down entirely. They become emotionally porous, absorbing negative information from the media or world events with a personal intensity, leaving them feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. Furthermore, their nervous system is easily hijacked by unexpected events, such as an unannounced visitor or a sudden change in plans, which can trigger anxiety, panic, or a retreat into emotional numbness. These are not just personality quirks; they are the distress signals of a mind that is overburdened and struggling to regulate itself, constantly fighting a battle that others cannot see.

A couple of clues are: frustration at any obstacle, anger with opposing opinions or plans, and even a wave of sleepiness when hitting a challenge.

Perhaps the most tragic consequence is the destruction of any hope for future, real, and lasting stable relationships. The core of a scam is a violation of trust, and a victim who never processes this violation, this betrayal, will find it almost impossible to trust again (an anxious attachment style). They may erect impenetrable emotional walls, isolating themselves to avoid any possibility of being hurt again. Or, conversely, they may develop a pattern of testing potential partners in destructive ways, unconsciously seeking reassurance but inevitably sabotaging the connection. Intimacy becomes terrifying. The belief that they are fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or a poor judge of character becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They are left profoundly alone, not by chance, but by the fortress of fear they have built around their heart. Conversely, it can also lead to tendencies to engage in significantly hedonistic relationships that lack any real meaning.

Ultimately, a life without support and therapy can turn into a living embodiment of the scam itself. The victim, who was once a target of a criminal, becomes a victim of their own unresolved trauma. The scammer’s actions, which were finite, are given infinite power to continue causing harm. The future does not hold healing or new beginnings, but a slow, steady contraction into a world of unsafety, isolation, and regret. The promise of their life, their potential for joy, love, peace, safety, and contribution, is quietly, methodically extinguished, not by the original crime, but by the refusal, resistance, and avoidance to seek the help that could have set them free.

Recognizing that you have compartmentalized trauma or shifted your baseline requires a deliberate act of honest self-reflection, as these mechanisms are designed to operate below conscious awareness.

One of the most effective methods is to intentionally disrupt your routine and create a quiet space for introspection. Ask yourself specific, comparative questions:

“How did I feel a year ago, or five years ago, about my life, my relationships, and my future?”

If the contrast is stark and you realize your general sense of joy, trust, or optimism has significantly diminished, you may have shifted your baseline. Another powerful indicator is the presence of emotional “leaks.”

Do you find yourself overreacting to minor stressors with a level of anger, sadness, or fatigue that seems disproportionate to the event itself? This is often suppressed trauma, finding an escape route. Similarly, if you notice a pervasive numbness or a feeling that you are just “going through the motions” without truly feeling engaged or present, that is a classic sign of compartmentalization. The key is to look for patterns of avoidance, emotional disconnection, and a general sense that your life has contracted, even if you can’t pinpoint a single moment when it happened.

The solution is surprisingly simple. Begin getting the support you need from a professional support provider and a certified trauma-informed and dissociation therapist. The SCARS Institute provides support and education, and you can easily find the therapists you need. We even provide a free month of therapy through one of our partner organizations.

You can do this, but you have to make a decision and commit to it.

To learn about Shifting Baseline Syndrome and other cognitive biases, visit: www.ScamPsychology.org/scars-manual-of-cognitive-biases-2024/

To get the support you need, sign up for our free, safe, and private scam victims/survivors’ community at www.SCARSeducation.org

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
December 2025