Finding True Meaning

In the bewildering aftermath of a scam, a profound and often desperate search for meaning begins. Each victim/survivor, reeling from the financial and emotional devastation, is left grappling with a shattered sense of reality and a fractured identity. The question “Why did this happen to me?” becomes a relentless, haunting refrain. This quest for understanding is a fundamental human impulse, a deep-seated need to impose order on chaos and to find a purpose in suffering.

Tragically, this search often leads victims down two unfulfilling and even damaging paths. They may seek solace in online communities with fellow sufferers, creating an echo chamber where confusion is validated but rarely resolved. They may also turn to the vast, seductive world of social media, falling prey to the glib pronouncements of motivational speakers who preach toxic positivity, urging them to simply “think positive” and “attract abundance.” These feel-good mantras are not only insufficient but can be actively harmful, as they implicitly suggest the victim’s negative mindset was part of the problem, adding another layer of shame to an already unbearable burden.

The true meaning of the experience, however, is far simpler and more profound than these hollow platitudes suggest, yet it is a truth many find terrifying to confront.

The meaning is not hidden in a complex life lesson or a karmic debt; it is found in the cold, hard facts of the crime itself. The meaning is that you were targeted, manipulated, and controlled. This is the core, unvarnished truth. A professional criminal identified you not because you were weak or foolish, but because you were human. They executed a carefully constructed strategy designed to exploit the very essence of human nature: the capacity for trust, the hope for connection, the instinct to help others in need, and the cognitive biases that make us all susceptible to a convincing narrative. The scammer did not break your mind; they simply used its standard operating manual against you.

This concept is frightening because it forces us to confront a deeply uncomfortable reality: that any human, under the right set of carefully engineered circumstances, can be controlled. It shatters the illusion of complete personal invulnerability and reveals that the very traits we value most, our empathy, our optimism, our trust in others, are also the very vulnerabilities that can be turned against us.

But this frightening realization contains within it the seed of true strength and the genuine meaning that victims/survivors crave. The meaning is not that you are flawed; the meaning is that you are human, and being human comes with both vulnerabilities and a unique superpower. That superpower is the incredible capacity for change – neuroplasticity, the ability to learn, adapt, and literally rewire your own brain. Unlike almost any other creature, humans can consciously observe their own patterns of thought and behavior, identify weaknesses, and intentionally build new, stronger defenses through knowledge and behavioral changes. The scam, in this light, becomes not a testament to your failure but a catalyst for your evolution. The meaning is not that you were a victim, but that you are now a student, a survivor, who has been given a harsh but invaluable lesson in the mechanics of deception.

This is where the path to true recovery lies.

It is not in ignoring what happened, but in dissecting it. It is the process of learning about the specific tactics used against you, love bombing, manipulation, control, urgency, authority, and fake crises. It is about developing new protective behaviors, like pausing before acting on an emotional request, independently verifying information, and establishing personal boundaries, standards, expectations, and rules.

This active process of learning and change is the antidote to the helplessness and control you felt during the scam. You are taking control back. You are turning the scammer’s weapon, their knowledge of human vulnerability, into your own shield. The meaning of the scam, then, is not a story of victimhood, but a story of transformation. It is the story of how a painful experience forced you to become a more discerning, stronger, more resilient, and more consciously aware version of yourself. You were targeted because you are human, and you can recover because you are human, endowed with the remarkable power to learn, grow, and become resistant to the manipulations that will inevitably cross your path again.

Commit to that process, and you will get there!

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
January 2026