Recovery Process Participation vs. Performance

When you enter a recovery program after a scam, you may feel torn between wanting to heal and wanting to hide.

You may hope that simply joining a group or reading others’ posts will somehow be enough. You may even tell yourself that watching from the sidelines counts as participation. Yet genuine engagement is something very different. It is the decision to step forward, speak honestly, and allow others to support you. It is the moment you choose connection over isolation and truth over silence. In a recovery program, your healing depends not on being present, but on being involved.

Engagement begins when you recognize that healing is not passive.

You cannot recover by staying quiet or brushing off your feelings. When you say you are fine, even when you are not, you create a wall between yourself and the people who want to help you. This is a very common response for scam victims because shame pushes you to protect yourself. Shame convinces you that your pain makes you weak, that your story will be judged, or that your emotions will overwhelm the group. It tries to keep you small so you never risk vulnerability again. But recovery grows only when you do the opposite.

Recovery opens up when you speak what is true.

To engage fully, you must begin by responding with intention. When someone posts about their struggle, you can choose to offer more than a quick phrase or a polite acknowledgment, or just clicking LIKE. You can pause, feel your own reaction, and share something real. You can write about what their words bring up in you, how their pain mirrors your own, or how their courage makes you feel less alone. You may think that you have nothing helpful to say, yet your sincerity can offer more comfort than you realize. When you share from a place of honesty, you give others permission to do the same. Your vulnerability becomes an invitation.

Meaningful engagement also asks you to express your own experiences.

You may fear that your story is too messy or too embarrassing to share. You may feel pressure to appear strong or to prove that you are moving on. Yet healing comes when you describe what hurts. When you write about your confusion, fear, sadness, or anger, you begin to release them. You take those feelings out of the dark corners where they have been sitting alone. Once spoken, they become manageable. Once shared, they lose the power to isolate you.

You can also ask for guidance every day, even when you think you should or do not need it.

Recovery is not a straight line. Some days you feel stable and confident, and other days you feel lost again. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It shows that you are actively involved in your healing. It shows that you understand this process is larger than one person’s strength. When you reach out, you allow others to offer perspective, encouragement, and reassurance. Over time, these daily acts of connection become the structure that supports your recovery.

To engage in a recovery program, you must set your ego aside.

Ego tells you to pretend you are in control. Ego tells you to hide your hurt and keep up appearances. Ego tells you that admitting your pain makes you less than others. When you listen to ego, you protect your image at the cost of your healing.

Recovery requires humility. It asks you to accept that you have been hurt deeply and that you need others to help you rebuild. When you let go of the pressure to appear strong, you make room for actual strength to grow.

Letting go of shame is another crucial part of engagement.

Shame tells you that you are responsible for what happened, even though you were targeted by a criminal. Shame tells you that your emotions are a burden. Shame tells you that you are unworthy of support. These are lies, but they feel real until you challenge them. When you speak your shame out loud, it begins to dissolve. When you share your experience with others who understand, you start to see the truth.

You were manipulated with professional tactics meant to overwhelm your defenses. You were not weak. You were human. In a recovery program, you are surrounded by people whose stories echo your own. When you open your mouth, you allow yourself to be seen. When you let yourself be seen, you find acceptance instead of judgment.

Engagement also builds trust.

When you show up consistently, respond thoughtfully, and share your truth, you begin to feel connected to the group. You learn that others value your voice. You learn that your presence matters. You learn that even on hard days, you are not alone. Over time, engagement transforms the group from a collection of strangers into a support system that carries you through the darkest parts of recovery.

You may hesitate because engagement feels risky. You may fear that your pain will overwhelm you if you speak it aloud. You may fear that others will misunderstand you. You may fear that your story will make you look foolish. These fears are understandable, but they are also barriers that keep you stuck. When you push past them, even a little, you create space for healing. Every time you share a feeling, ask a question, or respond with kindness, you strengthen your recovery.

Every moment of honesty becomes a step forward. Every moment of silence or passivity is a step backward.

A recovery program is not a place to perform strength. It is a place to practice honesty with intention. When you choose to truly engage, you take control of your healing. You give yourself the chance to reconnect with your voice, your worth, and your identity. You may feel uncertain at first, but each day you participate with sincerity and communication, you build resilience. You grow into someone who no longer hides behind silence. You grow into someone who knows how to ask for help and how to offer it. Real engagement becomes the foundation for real recovery, one honest moment at a time.

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
November 2025