What Price the Battle?

The ancient saying, “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king,” speaks to a world where a small advantage creates an illusion of leadership. This principle finds a dark and troubling parallel in the communities of the traumatized, particularly among those recovering from the profound violation of a relationship scam. In this emotional landscape, where many are lost in a fog of shame, confusion, and grief, the person who feels a single, powerful emotion—anger—can appear to be the one-eyed person, the one with clarity and purpose. They become self-appointed rulers, leading the vulnerable toward a promised land of vindication, a place where they believe their trauma can be erased through righteous action.

This “one-eyed” leader is not a true guide, but a fellow sufferer whose vision is narrowed by rage. Their anger, while a valid and understandable stage of grief, is mistaken for wisdom. They offer a simple, compelling narrative: “Your pain is their fault. If we can expose them, we can destroy them, and if we destroy them, your pain will disappear.” This message, while never fully voiced, is nevertheless understood and is incredibly alluring to the newly traumatized, who are desperate for an outlet for their helplessness and a clear path to justice. The angry leader provides a target and a mission, creating a powerful sense of purpose that temporarily masks the underlying trauma. They promise that by focusing all their energy on the perpetrator, they can reclaim the power that was stolen from them.

This mission often manifests as an obsessive crusade to expose scammers. The newly victimized, eager to follow this “one-eyed” guide, dive headfirst into the world of scam baiting and exposing. They spend countless hours creating fake profiles to engage with scammers, recording conversations, and posting them online. They believe they are soldiers in a righteous war, convinced that if they can just expose enough of these criminals, the world will suddenly be a safer, better place, and their own personal wound will heal as a result. However, this belief is a dangerous illusion.

The problem is that the enemy is not a single dragon to be slain, but a hydra-headed monster of unimaginable scale. It is estimated that nearly half of the profiles on platforms like Facebook and Instagram are fake or fraudulent, meaning billions of fake accounts exist. This reality renders the act of individual exposure utterly futile. It is like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. For every scammer exposed, ten thousand more appear, ready to take their place. This Sisyphean task does not lead to healing; it leads to burnout and deeper trauma.

We have seen the appeal of this approach firsthand. In our early days, we were lured in that direction by many of the volunteers we had then. They were driven by a righteous anger and a desire for justice. But as we learned more about the true psychology behind this experience and, more importantly, observed the harm it was causing to those who engaged in it, we saw the path for what it was: a dead end. We made the necessary decision to stop promoting that course of action and to focus instead on true, internal healing.

The time spent on this obsessive quest is not just wasted; it is actively harmful. It prevents the survivor from doing the real, internal work of recovery. Instead of processing their grief, rebuilding their self-worth, and learning to trust again, they remain locked in a state of hyper-arousal, constantly engaged with the very source of their trauma. This toxic mindset fuels anxiety and depression, as the world is seen only through the lens of deception and threat. The constant exposure to cruelty and manipulation can even increase the risk of developing serious mental disorders, as the victim’s nervous system never gets a chance to return to a state of rest and safety. The “one-eyed” king or queen, in their rage, is not leading followers out of the land of the blind; they are leading them deeper into a darkness of their own making, trading the trauma of victimhood for the trauma of a war that can never be won.

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
January 2026