Yes, It Is Overwhelming – Take It Slow For Now
In the early days after a scam ends, you are likely feeling completely overwhelmed. It is as if you have been caught in a psychological avalanche, buried under an immense weight of shock, confusion, and pain. Everything feels raw and exposed, as if your skin has been removed and the slightest touch sends a jolt of agony through your entire system.
The thought of trying to sort through it all, to make sense of what happened, can feel impossibly hard. Your mind races, replaying conversations and analyzing details, yet it cannot find a single solid piece of ground to stand on. Please know that this state of being is not a sign of weakness or failure; it is a completely normal and expected reaction to a devastating neurological event.
What you are experiencing is a neurological storm, a cascade of stress hormones and emotional responses triggered by profound betrayal trauma. Your brain, which was operating on a foundation of trust and connection, has been violently betrayed. It is struggling to reconcile the person you loved with the monster who deceived you. This conflict is not just emotional; it is biological. Your fight-or-flight response is likely in overdrive, leaving you feeling anxious, jittery, and unable to rest. Your nervous system is screaming that you are in danger, even though the immediate threat has passed. This is why thinking clearly feels so hard. Your rational mind is temporarily offline, hijacked by the emotional part of your brain that is screaming one word: “pain.”
Because of this storm (which is called dissonance), it is absolutely critical that you do not blame yourself or try to rush your recovery. You cannot think your way out of this state, any more than you can think your way out of having a broken leg. Trying to force yourself to “get over it” or berating yourself for not being further along is like yelling at the storm to pass. It only adds another layer of suffering. What you need now is not pressure, but profound gentleness. You need to give yourself permission to be a mess. You need to allow yourself to rest, to feel, and to be without judgment. Your only job right now is to survive the storm, not to analyze the weather patterns that caused it.
When the feelings of panic and overwhelm become too intense, you can use a simple technique called box breathing to help calm your mind and nervous system.
Box breathing is easy to do and can be a powerful anchor in a sea of chaos. Find a comfortable place to sit and close your eyes if you wish. First, breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of four, feeling your belly expand. Then, hold your breath for a count of four. Next, exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of four, feeling your body relax. Finally, hold the exhale for a count of four before beginning the cycle again. Repeat this several times. This simple act of controlled breathing sends a signal to your nervous system that you are safe, helping to slow your heart rate and quiet your mind.
For now, the most important thing you can do is take it slow.
One hour at a time, one breath at a time. You do not have to have all the answers, and you do not have to figure this out alone. Please reach out and ask lots of questions to the SCARS Institute team and their dedicated volunteers. They will respond. They understand exactly what you are going through and are there to support you. You need to hold onto three essential truths: this was not your fault, you are not alone, and you can and will make it through this. The storm will pass, and you will find solid ground again.
Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
November 2025
