Scam Victim Recovery Insights
From the SCARS Institute
You Are Not Broken
A SCARS Institute Scam Victim Recovery Insight
When we talk about the aftermath of a profound betrayal, like a relationship scam, our language often fails us. We reach for words like “broken,” and while that feeling is undeniably real, it is dangerously inaccurate. You are not broken – not in the way you mean. You are not a shattered object that cannot be pieced back together. You are injured, in the same profound and undeniable way a person is injured when their leg is shattered in an accident. The wound of betrayal trauma is one of the deepest a human can endure, but it is an injury, not a permanent state of being. And like any serious injury, the path forward is not to remain shattered, but to heal and learn to stand again.
Think of that broken leg. The bone is snapped, the tissue is torn, and the pain is excruciating. In that moment, no one would tell the person to simply “get over it” or “walk it off.” The reality of the injury is visible, and the course of action is clear: it must be set, placed in a cast, and given time to mend. The leg cannot bear weight; it must be supported. It must be protected. This is precisely what your mind and spirit require right now. The betrayal trauma you have endured is a catastrophic injury to your nervous system, your ability to trust, and your fundamental sense of safety. The shame, the anxiety, the hypervigilance, these are not signs of a broken character; they are the fever and swelling of a deep psychological wound. You must treat yourself with the same urgent care and compassion you would that broken limb.
The answer, just as it is with the leg, is to heal and learn to stand again.
Healing is not a passive process. It involves setting the bone, seeking professional therapy to properly align and address the core wound. It involves a team of expert trauma-informed support personnel, which protects the injury from further harm while it mends. It involves the slow, frustrating work of physical therapy, learning new coping mechanisms, processing painful emotions, and gently testing your strength in a safe environment. You would not expect to run a marathon the day your cast comes off. You would start slowly, perhaps with a walker, then with a cane, feeling the wobble and the weakness, but trusting that with each step, the bone is getting stronger.
This is your journey. You are not broken; you are in recovery. The feelings of fragility and fear are not your new identity; they are the symptoms of an injury that is healing. Every time you practice a new boundary, every time you allow yourself to feel an emotion without judgment, every time you choose to trust a safe person, you are taking a step. You are learning to stand again. The scar will always remain, a reminder of what you endured, but it will not define you. You will not be the person with the broken leg; you will be the person who survived the break, did the hard work of healing, and learned to walk, and eventually run, with a strength and wisdom you never had before. You are not broken. You are healing. And you will stand again.
Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
January 2026
This is but one component, one piece of the puzzle …
Understanding how the human mind is manipulated and controlled involves recognizing that the tactics employed by deceivers are multifaceted and complex. This information is just one aspect of a broader spectrum of vulnerabilities, tendencies, and techniques that permit us to be influenced and deceived. To grasp the full extent of how our minds can be influenced, it is essential to examine all the various processes and functions of our brains and minds, methods and strategies used the criminals, and our psychological tendencies (such as cognitive biases) that enable deception. Each part contributes to a larger puzzle, revealing how our perceptions and decisions can be subtly swayed. By appreciating the diverse ways in which manipulation occurs, we gain a more comprehensive understanding of the challenges we face in avoiding deception in its many forms.
“Thufir Hawat: Now, remember, the first step in avoiding a *trap* – is knowing of its existence.” — DUNE
“If you can fully understand your own mind, you can avoid any deception!” — Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
“The essence of bravery is being without self-deception.” — Pema Chödrön
