You Need To Tell Us Where You Are

This insight is for every new or recent scam victim just beginning the difficult journey of recovery.

We want to talk about something that may feel counterintuitive: the urgent need to communicate. We understand that right now, you may feel overwhelmed, ashamed, or simply exhausted by the sheer volume of thoughts and emotions swirling inside you. The instinct might be to withdraw, to read & learn silently, and to observe from a distance. However, at the SCARS Institute, we cannot overstate how vital your active participation, specifically, your comments and questions, is to your own healing. Without your voice, you are a black box, and it is nearly impossible for us to provide the targeted guidance you will desperately need.

Think of our support community as a roadmap and your comments as your current location. If you are lost but refuse to check your map or tell anyone where you are, it is impossible for anyone to give you proper directions.

When you comment on an article, share your reaction to a post, or ask a question in a group or chat room, you are giving us invaluable information about your location.

You are telling us exactly where you are in your recovery process. Are you still in the initial shock and denial phase, or are you wrestling with intense anger? Are you struggling with a specific trigger, or have you encountered a piece of “urban legend” misinformation that is confusing you? How are you interpeting the information we provide? Your comments are the markers that allow our moderators and peer supporters to accurately assess your needs and guide you to the most relevant resources.

Your communication helps us understand how you are interpreting what you learn.

Recovery is not just about reading information; it is about integrating it. When you comment, “This article made me realize I’m still minimizing what happened,” you are showing us that you are making a critical connection. When you ask, “But what if the scammer said they loved me back?” you are revealing a specific point of cognitive dissonance that we need to help you learn to work through. This informational feedback loop allows us to see what is resonating with you and what is not, enabling us to provide more nuanced and effective education and support. We can see if you are correctly applying recovery concepts or if you are misinterpreting them in a way that could hinder your progress. An example of this is focusing on topics you may not be ready for, or false hope.

Furthermore, your comments help us help you navigate the very real dangers that lurk in the recovery process. The world of online scam recovery is rife with urban legends, misinformation, and dangerous advice, such as “scam baiting” or vigilantism. When you share something you have heard or seen elsewhere, you give us the opportunity to correct it before it leads you down a harmful path. Your questions about emotional triggers allow us to direct you to knowledge that might be helpful and topics that you should raise with your therapist. Your expressions of despair allow us to offer timely support and direct you away from spiraling.

Your communication is the key that unlocks the full value of this community. It transforms you from a passive recipient of information into an active participant in your own healing. We know it is hard. We know it can feel scary to be vulnerable and share your deepest thoughts. But please, do not remain a silent black box. Every comment, every question, and every shared feeling is a piece of data that helps us help you. It is how we learn what you need, how we guide you forward to the right information and to professional services, and how we ensure you are not alone in the dark.

Your voice is your most powerful tool for recovery. Please use it.

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
December 2025