Experiencing Awe and Scam Victim Recovery

About This Article

After a relationship scam, many survivors experience betrayal trauma that narrows attention into threat scanning, rumination, and harsh self-judgment, sometimes called scam fog and psychological constriction. Awe is described as a distinct emotion defined by perceived vastness and the need to accommodate new information, which can shift perspective beyond the trauma. The piece distinguishes awe from wonder, noting that awe tends to humble and quiet self-focus, while wonder promotes curiosity and engagement. Awe is presented as a counterforce to trauma-based tunnel vision because it can interrupt repetitive thought loops, support parasympathetic calming, and reduce cynicism by reconnecting a survivor with beauty, meaning, and moral goodness. Practical approaches include everyday awe experiences, awe walks, and prosocial awe through inspiring human stories, with patience for numbness during early recovery.

Note: This article is intended for informational purposes and does not replace professional medical advice. If you are experiencing distress, please consult a qualified mental health professional.

Experiencing Awe: Building Mental Resilience After a Relationship Scam

Understanding the Nature of Awe

What is awe? Before we can explore how the experience of awe can aid in the recovery from relationship scams, it is essential to define what awe actually is.

We often use the word ‘awe’ casually in everyday language to describe anything that impresses us, from a delicious meal to a new piece of technology. However, in the context of psychology and resilience, awe is a distinct and powerful emotion with specific characteristics that set it apart from simple happiness or surprise. It is a complex emotional state that has fascinated philosophers and scientists for centuries, and understanding its mechanics is the first step toward harnessing its power.

At its core, awe is the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your current understanding of the world. It is a response to stimuli that are so large, complex, or powerful that they challenge our existing mental frameworks. Psychologists generally agree that two key features define awe. The first is vastness. This refers to the perception of something that is physically large, such as a towering mountain range or the endless expanse of the ocean. However, vastness can also be conceptual or social. It can be triggered by the vastness of time, the complexity of the universe, the depth of an idea, or the perceived size of a powerful entity like a deity or a massive crowd. The stimulus is simply too big to be processed by our usual cognitive habits.

The second defining feature of awe is the need for accommodation. This is the psychological component of the experience. When we encounter something vast, our existing mental structures, or schemas, are often insufficient to make sense of it. We struggle to fit this new, massive piece of information into our current view of reality. This struggle forces the mind to adjust. It requires us to expand our understanding, to rethink our assumptions, and to accommodate this new reality. It is this mental stretching, this momentary realization that our current worldview is too small to contain the experience, that creates the unique sensation of awe.

It is important to distinguish awe from similar emotions like surprise or admiration. Surprise is simply the reaction to something unexpected. It does not require vastness or a shift in our mental framework. Admiration is a feeling of respect and approval for a skill or quality, often directed at another person, but it does not necessarily make us feel small or force a reconfiguration of our worldview. Awe, however, is transformative. It is often described as a mix of fear and wonder. It can be unsettling because it reminds us of our own insignificance in the grand scheme of things. This feeling of being “small” is not negative in the way shame or inferiority is. Instead, it is a sense of connectedness to something larger than oneself. It is a feeling of being a small part of a big, beautiful, and often mysterious whole.

Awe can be triggered by a wide variety of sources. The most obvious is nature. The sight of a violent thunderstorm, a view of a vast desert, an erupting volcano, the silence of a redwood forest, or the starry expanse of the night sky are classic elicitors of awe. However, awe can also be found in human creations. Standing before a massive work of architecture, listening to a symphony that moves the soul, or viewing a masterpiece of art can induce the same sense of vastness and accommodation. Even abstract concepts can induce awe. The thought of the passage of centuries, the complexity of the human cell, or the intricate web of cause and effect in history can trigger this feeling. Furthermore, witnessing acts of extreme moral courage or profound kindness, what researchers call “moral beauty,” can elicit a deep sense of awe that is centered on the human spirit.

This definition sets the stage for understanding why awe is so critical for healing. It is not just about feeling good. It is about a fundamental shift in perspective. It is about moving from a mindset that is focused on the “me,” my pain, my loss, my mistakes, to a mindset that is focused on the “we” and the “all.” It is the psychological act of stepping out of the narrow, dark tunnel of trauma and standing under the open sky of existence. By understanding that awe is a mechanism for expanding our mental world, we can begin to see how it serves as an antidote to the constriction and isolation caused by the trauma of a relationship scam.

The Difference Between Awe and Wonder

While the terms “awe” and “wonder” are often used interchangeably in casual conversation, they represent distinct psychological states with subtle but important differences. In the context of recovery and emotional resilience, understanding this distinction can be helpful. Both emotions involve an encounter with something extraordinary, but they engage the mind and the heart in different ways.

The primary difference lies in the individual’s relationship to the object or experience and the resulting emotional tone. Awe is typically characterized by a sense of vastness and the need for accommodation. It is an emotion that makes you feel small in comparison to something much larger than yourself. Whether that vastness is a physical mountain, the concept of infinity, or the power of a storm, awe often carries with it a component of fear, reverence, or submission. It is a “top-down” experience where the vastness of the stimulus looms over the observer. The feeling of awe is often one of being overwhelmed or humbled. It says, “This is greater than I am, and I must adjust my understanding to fit it.”

Wonder, on the other hand, is more exploratory and cognitive. While it can also be triggered by beauty or vastness, wonder is less about feeling small and more about curiosity and a desire to understand. It is the state of being struck by something and wanting to know more about it. Wonder is often described as a “bottom-up” experience where the observer is reaching out toward the object. It is the feeling of looking at a complex system, like the gears of a clock or the pattern of leaves on a tree, and thinking, “How does that work?” or “Why is that like that?” Wonder is intellectual as well as emotional. It is the spark of inquiry.

Another way to distinguish them is by their “direction.” Awe often stops you in your tracks; it is a state of reception. You absorb the vastness, and you are humbled. Wonder, conversely, often propels you forward; it is a state of engagement. It leads to questioning, investigation, and discovery. If you stand at the edge of the Grand Canyon and feel a tremble of fear and insignificance, that is awe. If you look at a fossil in the canyon wall and feel a burning curiosity about the ancient creature that left it behind, that is wonder.

Wonder is something that we try to provoke in our writings for scam survivors.

In the context of healing from trauma, both are valuable, but they play different roles. Awe is the tool that helps break the ego’s fixation on trauma. It provides the perspective that says, “My pain is real, but it is small compared to the universe.” It offers the mental reset that quiets the nervous system. Wonder, however, is the tool that helps rebuild engagement and understanding with the world. It is the antidote to numbness and cynicism. When a victim begins to wonder again, to ask questions, to be curious about how things work, to be interested in the future, they are actively rebuilding their cognitive and emotional life. Awe creates the space for healing by shrinking the self, while wonder fills that space with new interests and growth. Ultimately, they are two sides of the same coin, representing the human capacity to be moved by the world beyond ourselves.

In the Aftermath of a Scam

The aftermath of a relationship scam is often described by survivors as a landscape flattened by a catastrophic storm. The financial devastation is visible, quantifiable, and often brutally immediate, but the emotional wreckage is far more pervasive and difficult to navigate. Victims are frequently left trapped in a suffocating cycle of grief, shame, and hyper-vigilance. The world that once seemed familiar and safe now feels hostile, predatory, and filled with invisible threats.

In this state of profound trauma, the mind contracts. It narrows its focus to the threat, to the loss, and to the painful internal narrative of failure and betrayal.

While this is a natural survival mechanism designed to protect us from immediate danger, it becomes a prison that prevents healing when the threat has passed. Breaking free from this confinement requires a psychological shift that expands the mind beyond the immediate trauma. One of the most powerful, yet often overlooked, tools for facilitating this shift is the experience of awe. While traditionally associated with grand vistas or artistic masterpieces, awe is a distinct physiological and cognitive state that can serve as a vital catalyst for building mental resilience in scam victims.

The Psychological Impact of Betrayal Trauma

To understand why awe is so effective in recovery, we must first understand the state of the traumatized brain.

When a person has been subjected to the psychological manipulation and emotional betrayal inherent in a relationship scam, their nervous system is often stuck in a state of chronic stress. The scam is not merely a theft of money; it is violence, a violation of trust that shatters the victim’s understanding of social reality. The victim has been groomed and manipulated to believe in a reality that turned out to be a fabrication, and the cognitive dissonance caused by this realization creates a profound mental burden.

In this state, the victim is constantly scanning for danger, replaying the events of the scam, and judging themselves harshly for their perceived naivety. This state is characterized by a “tunnel vision” of the mind and what we refer to as “scam fog”. The victim’s world shrinks until it contains only the trauma, the scammer, and the pain. This shrinking of one’s perspective is a defense mechanism, but it reinforces the feeling of being trapped and powerless. The victim becomes the center of their own suffering, and the horizon of their life disappears. The psychological resources that would normally be used for joy, creativity, and social connection are hijacked by the need to analyze the past and predict the future. This is a state of mental exhaustion that makes recovery feel impossible.

Psychological Constriction

Psychological constriction is a specific response to trauma, danger, or overwhelming stress characterized by a narrowing of one’s cognitive, emotional, and perceptual field.

It is a defensive mechanism where the mind, in an attempt to protect itself from threat or unmanageable pain, significantly restricts its focus to the immediate present and the source of the danger. This narrowing is designed to help the individual survive a crisis by shutting down non-essential functions, but when it persists, such as in the aftermath of a relationship scam, it becomes a barrier to healing and recovery.

From a psychological perspective, constriction is often described as the opposite of the expansive, open state of healthy consciousness. When a person is psychologically constricted, their world literally shrinks. Their mental bandwidth, which would usually be distributed across a wide variety of interests, relationships, and future plans, becomes hijacked by the trauma. The individual loses the ability to see the “big picture.” Instead, they develop tunnel vision, where everything they see, hear, and think is filtered through the lens of their specific traumatic experience.

This phenomenon is closely linked to the nervous system’s “fight, flight, or freeze” response. When the brain perceives a threat, it prioritizes immediate survival over long-term planning or complex emotional processing. Blood flow and neural activity are directed toward the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, and away from the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for higher-order thinking, creativity, and perspective-taking. In a state of constriction, the prefrontal cortex is essentially “put on hold.” This results in a loss of curiosity, a loss of flexibility in thinking, and a loss of the ability to imagine a different future. The victim becomes fixated on the details of the trauma, unable to shift their attention away from the pain.

For scam victims specifically, psychological constriction manifests in several distinct ways.

• First, there is a cognitive narrowing. The victim may become obsessed with the details of the scam, replaying conversations and analyzing messages incessantly. This rumination is a form of mental looping where the mind is trapped trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle. They cannot “think their way out” because their thinking apparatus has been reduced to a single track.
• Second, there is an emotional narrowing. In a constricted state, the range of emotions a person can access shrinks drastically. The victim may cycle primarily between fear, anger, and shame. Positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, or hope feel inaccessible or inappropriate. This is often referred to as “emotional blunting” or “numbing.” The mind creates a barrier around the heart to prevent further hurt, but this barrier also blocks out the warmth and connection that are essential for healing.
• Third, there is a perceptual narrowing. This is often where the concept of the “scam tunnel” comes into play. The victim begins to view the entire world through the prism of their betrayal. Every new person they meet is viewed as a potential predator. Every email or phone call is suspected of being a fraud. The world is no longer a place of opportunity or discovery; it is a landscape of hidden threats. This hyper-vigilance is exhausting and prevents the victim from re-engaging with life.
• Finally, psychological constriction often leads to social constriction. Because the victim is so focused on their internal state and the perceived dangers of the external world, they withdraw from others. They isolate themselves because the effort required to interact normally, to listen, to empathize, to make conversation, is simply too much. They retreat into a “bunker” mentality, believing that safety can only be found in solitude.

Psychological constriction is a state where the mind, in an attempt to manage overwhelming trauma, tightens its grip on reality. It reduces the complex, colorful world of human experience to a black-and-white binary of “threat” and “survival.” While this response is useful in a genuine life-or-death emergency, it is maladaptive for long-term recovery. It keeps the victim stuck in the past, unable to learn from the experience or move forward. Overcoming this constriction is one of the primary goals of therapy and resilience building, as it allows the individual to reclaim their cognitive flexibility, emotional range, and connection to the wider world.

Defining the Science of Awe

Awe acts as a direct, potent counterforce to the psychological constriction experienced by scam victims. To understand its power, we must look at how psychologists and neuroscientists define this complex emotion. Researchers define awe not merely as a sense of wonder, but as the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends one’s current understanding of the world. It is the emotion we feel when we encounter something so large, complex, or beautiful that it forces us to reconfigure our mental models of reality. This vastness can be found in nature, certainly, but also in complex ideas, acts of profound kindness, art, music, or the sheer scale of the universe.

The psychological mechanics of this process are well documented. Central to the experience of awe is what psychologists call the “need for accommodation.” This is a cognitive state where an individual encounters a stimulus that does not fit into their existing mental frameworks or schemas. The human brain relies on schemas to process information efficiently; they are mental shortcuts that help us predict and navigate the world. However, when a scam victim looks up at the canopy of a giant redwood forest or contemplates the intricate structure of a symphony, their existing schemas are inadequate to process the data. The mind must stretch, expand, and update its understanding to accommodate the new information. This cognitive stretching is crucial for victims because it forces the brain to abandon its usual categorizations and rigid patterns.

When an individual experiences awe, their sense of self physically shrinks in terms of its mental footprint. The ego, which is usually busy worrying about money, social status, and the painful replay of the scam, recedes. This phenomenon, often referred to by researchers as the “small self,” is a profound shift in perspective. The focus shifts from “me and my problems” to the vastness of the experience. This shift is not just a pleasant distraction; it is a fundamental neurological reorganization that provides the space necessary for recovery. By breaking the cycle of self-referential thought, awe interrupts the obsessive focus on personal trauma.

The neurological effects of awe provide compelling evidence for its role in recovery. Neuroimaging studies have shown that awe activates the transient hypofrontality hypothesis, which is essentially a temporary shutdown of the prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain responsible for executive function, planning, and, crucially, the sense of ego and time. When this area quiets down, the constant monitoring and analyzing of the self—the “inner critic” that berates the victim for their mistakes—goes offline. This allows other parts of the brain to light up, specifically those associated with sensory processing and attention to the external environment. The brain stops processing its internal narrative and starts fully processing the external world.

Furthermore, awe has a measurable impact on the autonomic nervous system. It engages the parasympathetic nervous system, often through the vagus nerve, which regulates our “rest and digest” functions. This is the exact opposite of the “fight or flight” response that keeps victims trapped in a state of hypervigilance and anxiety. Research by psychologists such as Dacher Keltner and Jonathan Haidt has established that experiences of awe can lower levels of pro-inflammatory cytokines and reduce stress hormones like cortisol. Physiologically, this means that awe does not just calm the mind; it soothes the body. It slows the heart rate and deepens breathing, signaling to the brain that the immediate environment is safe.

This stretching process breaks the rigid mental loops of rumination that keep scam victims stuck in their grief. Rumination is a repetitive, negative thought pattern that plays the same traumatic events over and over again. It is a maladaptive attempt to solve past problems. However, the sheer cognitive load of an awe-inspiring experience makes it impossible for the brain to maintain these loops. The mind simply does not have the bandwidth to ruminate on the past while it is trying to comprehend the vastness of the Grand Canyon or the complexity of the cosmos. In this way, awe acts as a “pattern interrupt,” snapping the brain out of its destructive habits and offering a window of clarity and peace. This neurological pause is the first step toward building the mental resilience needed to heal from the trauma of a relationship scam.

The Concept of the “Small Self”

The connection between awe and resilience lies deeply in the concept of the “small self.” Trauma, particularly the trauma of betrayal, causes the ego to become hyper-inflated in a negative way. The victim is consumed by their own experience, convinced that their failure is total and that their shame is permanent. They are the star of a tragedy that never ends, and every minor setback is a confirmation of their inadequacy. This self-obsession is not vanity; it is a trap of suffering that keeps the trauma alive in the present moment.

Awe disrupts this narrative by presenting the individual with something that makes them feel physically small but psychologically connected to a larger whole. When a scam victim stands at the edge of the ocean, looks up at the canopy of stars, or witnesses a massive act of collective human endeavor, their personal worries are forced into perspective. The scam, while still significant, is no longer the only thing that exists. The mind is forced to acknowledge that there are forces in the world greater than the scammer and the scam. This realization provides a temporary but crucial reprieve from the tyranny of the ego. It allows the mind to rest, to stop spinning the same loop of regret, and to simply be present in the moment. This feeling of smallness is not diminishing; rather, it is liberating. It relieves the victim of the burden of being the center of the universe.

Physiological Reset and the Nervous System

Awe also has a unique impact on the nervous system that is vital for traumatized individuals.

Research indicates that experiences of awe can deactivate the default mode network in the brain. This is the network responsible for mind-wandering, self-referential thought, and rumination. In a scam victim, the default mode network is often hyperactive, constantly churning through “what if” scenarios and self-recriminations. It is the engine of the inner critic.

By quieting this network, awe offers the brain a break from its own suffering. It is a form of system reset.

During an awe experience, the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest and digestion, can become more active. This counters the “fight or flight” response that keeps victims in a state of anxiety and panic. The physiological benefits include: lowered stress levels and a reduction in inflammation, which are critical for physical and mental health during the stressful recovery period. The body receives a signal that it is safe to relax, that there is no tiger in the bushes, only the vastness of the sky. By introducing awe into their lives, victims can physiologically signal to their bodies that the immediate danger has passed and that it is safe to let down their guard.

Restoring Trust in a Benevolent World

Incorporating awe into the recovery process also addresses the profound and often devastating loss of trust that accompanies a relationship scam. The scammer did more than just steal money; they weaponized the victim’s inherent capacity for trust, using it as a tool to manipulate and exploit. This specific betrayal strikes at the very foundation of the victim’s reality, causing a rupture that extends far beyond the individual relationship. Consequently, victims often lose faith not only in specific people but in the fundamental order of the world itself. The world begins to feel chaotic, random, and fundamentally cruel. The victim’s internal narrative shifts to one where everyone is perceived as having a price, and genuine connection is dismissed as a naive lie. This deep-seated cynicism acts as a protective armor, hardening the victim against future pain, but it simultaneously cuts them off from positive experiences and the possibility of joy.

Awe can act as a powerful and necessary antidote to this corrosive cynicism. It functions by bypassing the intellectual arguments of distrust and speaking directly to the emotional core. When a victim experiences awe, they are confronted with evidence that there are still things in the world that are genuine, majestic, and real. These vast experiences operate entirely outside of the petty, manipulative machinations of a criminal. Whether it is witnessing the intricate biological perfection of a flower, feeling the overwhelming raw power of a thunderstorm, or being moved by the sublime complexity of a piece of music, awe reconnects the individual with the positive, awe-inspiring aspects of existence. It reaffirms that beauty and wonder are not just illusions but tangible realities that persist despite the trauma inflicted by the scammer.

This experience is essential for rebuilding a life worth living because it restores a sense of the sacred or the profound. Awe provides a vital counterbalance to the profanity of the scam. It suggests a critical distinction that is necessary for healing: while the scammer acted with malice and selfishness, the universe itself is not malicious. By engaging with the vastness of nature or art, the victim can separate the actions of a predator from the broader context of the world. They learn that the world contains both darkness and light, and the existence of darkness does not negate the reality of the light. This realization helps to soften the protective cynicism, allowing the victim to trust again, not blindly, but with a renewed understanding that goodness and beauty are as real as the evil they encountered.

Practical Pathways to Awe in Daily Life

For many victims, the concept of seeking awe might seem frivolous or disconnected from the practical realities of their recovery. They may feel that they need to focus on financial recovery, legal action, or practical support systems. While these are undoubtedly important, the psychological work of healing requires an emotional landscape that supports growth. Awe is not about ignoring problems or living in a fantasy. It is about expanding the container in which the victim processes their trauma.

Practical application of awe in a recovery plan can take many forms, and it does not require expensive travel or grand gestures. It requires intention and presence. For a victim whose world has shrunk to the four walls of their home or the screen of their computer, seeking awe can be a deliberate practice. It can start with the simple act of looking up. In urban environments, architecture can be a source of awe if one takes the time to really look at the design and the scale of a building. Nature is the most potent source of awe for many people. A walk in a park, not for exercise, but for observation, can yield moments of wonder. Noticing the light filtering through the leaves, the intricate patterns of a spider web, or the vastness of the sky can trigger the awe response. Even the act of watching a documentary about the deep ocean or the cosmos can shift one’s perspective from the immediate to the infinite.

20 ways to experience awe in a person’s everyday life

1. Watching the sun dip below the horizon during the vibrant colors of a golden hour sunset.
2. Observing the intricate and unique pattern of a single snowflake resting on your gloved hand.
3. Listening to the rhythmic and powerful crashing of ocean waves against a rocky shoreline.
4. Gazing upward at the vast expanse of the Milky Way stretching across a clear night sky.
5. Standing at the base of a massive ancient tree and looking up into its towering canopy.
6. Watching a powerful thunderstorm roll in with dramatic flashes of lightning and rumbling thunder.
7. Noticing the iridescent shimmer of a hummingbird hovering near a feeder or flower.
8. Witnessing the silent and graceful flight of a hawk or eagle gliding on the wind currents.
9. Walking through a dense forest and observing the beams of sunlight filtering through the leaves.
10. Seeing a rainbow arc across the sky after a heavy rain shower.
11. Watching a monarch butterfly or another pollinator move gently from flower to flower.
12. Feeling the intense heat and power of a campfire or a bonfire under a starry sky.
13. Looking out over a canyon or a valley from a high vantage point during a hike.
14. Watching the moon rise above the horizon, appearing large and cool in the night sky.
15. Observing the rapid growth and transformation of plants or flowers in a garden over the seasons.
16. Hearing the symphony of birds singing in the early morning hours.
17. Walking barefoot across soft moss or cool grass in a quiet park.
18. Watching the mist rise off a lake or a river on a crisp autumn morning.
19. Seeing a mountain peak capped with snow against a deep blue sky.
20. Observing the synchronized movement of a flock of birds flying together in formation.

Connecting Through Prosocial Awe

Another avenue for experiencing awe is through the resilience of others. Hearing stories of survival, witnessing acts of profound kindness, or reading about the triumph of the human spirit can induce a sense of awe that is specifically relevant to healing. For a scam victim, connecting with the vastness of human history and the knowledge that others have survived the unthinkable can be incredibly grounding. It reinforces the idea that survival is possible. It highlights the strength of the human connection and community, which serves as a direct counter-narrative to the isolation and manipulation imposed by the scammer.

This form of “prosocial awe” reminds the victim that they are part of a larger human family that has endured and overcome immense struggles. It moves them from a place of singular victimization to a shared human experience. When we see others doing good or overcoming great odds, it inspires a sense of hope that can be difficult to muster when one is alone. This shared experience of awe helps to bridge the gap that the victim has erected between themselves and the rest of the world.

We invite you to visit our Survivors’ Stories website to experience the stories of other survivors.

Overcoming Numbness and Defense Mechanisms

Accessing awe is not always easy for a mind hardened or limited by trauma. The victim’s psychological defenses are designed to protect them from further pain, and these defenses often block positive emotions. A scam victim may feel numb, disconnected, or cynical. They may look at a beautiful sunset and feel nothing. This is a normal response to trauma. The brain has essentially turned down the volume on all emotions to prevent the pain from overwhelming the system. If one cannot feel pain intensely, one often cannot feel joy intensely either.

Reopening the channel to awe requires patience and practice. It starts with the willingness to try. It involves engaging in “awe walks,” where one sets out with the specific intention of finding something vast and beautiful. It involves practicing mindfulness, slowing down enough to notice the details of the world that are usually ignored in the rush of daily life. Over time, as the nervous system begins to regulate, the capacity for awe will return. It is important to validate that feeling numb is okay, but it is also a sign that the system is protecting itself. By gently pushing against the edges of that numbness with small doses of awe, the victim can begin to thaw their emotional frozenness.

Overcoming Resistance to Awe

Some survivors may initially resist the idea of seeking awe because they interpret it as minimizing their pain or attempting to feel good prematurely. It is important to clarify that awe does not dismiss suffering. Instead, it creates a psychological space where suffering can be contextualized rather than consumed by it. Awe allows for dual awareness, where pain and meaning coexist without canceling each other out. For recovery to begin, survivors must move beyond the mistaken belief that emotional pain must be conquered or ignored. Awe provides a doorway into a fuller emotional life that includes but is not limited to pain

Awe as a Therapeutic Intervention

In the context of professional support and therapy, awe can be a therapeutic intervention. Therapists and counselors working with scam victims can incorporate discussions of awe into their sessions. They can ask clients about moments of wonder they have experienced, no matter how small. They can encourage clients to seek out these experiences as part of their “homework.” This does not replace the hard work of processing grief and anger, but it complements it. It provides the high ground from which the victim can look at their trauma and see it as a part of their life, not the entirety of it.

Awe helps to integrate the traumatic experience into a broader, more meaningful life narrative. It allows the victim to place the trauma on a shelf within the vast library of their life experiences, rather than letting it burn down the library. It helps to answer the question of “why” in a way that is less about personal failure and more about the vast complexity of the human condition.

Reclaiming Life Through Vastness

The journey from victim to survivor is a long and arduous one. It requires confronting painful truths, making difficult decisions, and rebuilding a life from the ground up. It is easy to become mired in the details of the trauma, to get lost in the maze of “why me” and “if only.” Awe offers a way out of that maze. It provides a vantage point from which the maze can be seen for what it is, just one part of a much larger and more complex landscape.

By building mental resiliency through the experience of awe, scam victims can reclaim their sense of proportion. They can learn that while the scam was a terrible event, it does not define the limits of their existence. There is still mystery, there is still beauty, and there is still wonder to be found in the world. Reconnecting with these elemental forces does not erase the pain, but it gives the pain a place to rest within a much larger container of experience. Ultimately, awe reminds the survivor that they are alive, that the world is vast, and that there is always a reason to look forward, to look up, and to keep walking toward the light. The scammer may have taken their money, but they cannot take away the majesty of the stars or the resilience of the human spirit, which are the true sources of strength.

Conclusion

A relationship scam can shrink a person’s inner world until it feels like everything is loss, threat, and regret. Awe offers a practical way to widen that world again without denying what happened. When someone encounters vastness in nature, art, moral courage, or time, attention shifts away from relentless self-judgment and toward a larger frame of meaning. That shift supports nervous system regulation, interrupts rumination, and softens the hardened beliefs that betrayal often creates about safety and human goodness. Awe also supports the “small self” effect, where the ego’s grip loosens, and shame loses some of its urgency. Over time, intentional awe practices, such as awe walks, mindful observation, and exposure to beauty and human resilience, can help rebuild emotional range and restore perspective. Recovery still requires boundaries, support, and grief work, but awe can supply the breathing room that makes those steps possible. It helps a survivor hold pain inside a larger life, rather than being trapped inside pain.

Glossary

• Accommodation — Accommodation is the cognitive process where the mind must adjust existing beliefs to incorporate information that does not fit prior understanding. In recovery, accommodation helps victims revise distorted self-blame narratives and rebuild realistic perceptions of trust and safety.
• Affect Regulation — Affect regulation refers to the ability to manage emotional intensity without becoming overwhelmed or emotionally shut down. Scam victims often rebuild this capacity through grounding, perspective expansion, and nervous system stabilization.
• Amygdala Activation — Amygdala activation is the brain’s threat response that heightens fear, vigilance, and emotional reactivity. After a relationship scam, this activation may remain elevated even when danger has passed, contributing to anxiety and mistrust.
• Awe — Awe is a complex emotional response to perceived vastness that challenges existing mental frameworks and requires psychological adjustment. It helps reduce trauma fixation by shifting attention beyond the self and restoring perspective.
• Awe Walks — Awe walks are intentional walks focused on noticing vastness, beauty, or complexity in the environment. This practice supports nervous system regulation and helps disrupt trauma-driven rumination.
• Betrayal Trauma — Betrayal trauma occurs when harm is caused by someone trusted, leading to deep psychological injury. Relationship scams create betrayal trauma by exploiting emotional attachment and perceived intimacy.
• Cognitive Constriction — Cognitive constriction is the narrowing of thought processes under stress or trauma. It limits flexibility, curiosity, and future-oriented thinking, keeping victims mentally stuck in the scam experience.
• Cognitive Dissonance — Cognitive dissonance is the psychological discomfort caused by holding conflicting beliefs or realities. Scam victims experience this when the imagined relationship collapses into confirmed deception.
• Default Mode Network — The default mode network is a brain system involved in self-referential thinking and mental replay. Trauma can overactivate this network, increasing rumination and self-criticism.
• Defensive Numbness — Defensive numbness is a protective shutdown of emotional responsiveness following overwhelming stress. It reduces pain in the short term but also blocks access to positive emotions and healing experiences.
• Ego Fixation — Ego fixation is excessive self-focus driven by shame, regret, or fear. Trauma reinforces this fixation, while awe temporarily loosens it by expanding perspective beyond personal suffering.
• Emotional Blunting — Emotional blunting refers to a reduced ability to feel pleasure, joy, or connection. Scam victims may experience this as a protective response to emotional betrayal.
• Emotional Regulation — Emotional regulation is the capacity to experience emotions without being controlled by them. Recovery focuses on restoring this ability through safety, perspective, and regulated exposure to feeling states.
• Existential Perspective — Existential perspective involves awareness of life’s scale, meaning, and impermanence. Awe naturally activates this perspective, helping victims contextualize trauma within a larger human experience.
• Fear Conditioning — Fear conditioning occurs when the brain learns to associate safety with threat following trauma. Scam victims may unconsciously link relationships, communication, or trust with danger.
• Grief — Grief is the emotional response to loss, including the loss of imagined futures and emotional bonds. Relationship scams produce complex grief because the relationship was emotionally real despite being fraudulent.
• Hypervigilance — Hypervigilance is a state of constant alertness for potential danger. After scams, it may persist and interfere with relaxation, trust, and emotional recovery.
• Inner Critic — The inner critic is an internalized voice of judgment and blame. Trauma strengthens this voice, while awe and compassion-based practices reduce its influence.
• Meaning Reconstruction — Meaning reconstruction is the process of integrating trauma into a broader life narrative. Awe supports this by providing non-trauma-based sources of meaning and connection.
• Mental Resilience — Mental resilience is the ability to adapt and recover from psychological stress. Awe strengthens resilience by restoring cognitive flexibility and emotional balance.
• Moral Beauty — Moral beauty refers to witnessing acts of courage, kindness, or integrity. This experience can evoke awe and restore faith in humanity after betrayal.
• Narrative Collapse — Narrative collapse occurs when a person’s understanding of their life story is shattered. Relationship scams often destroy relational identity and future expectations.
• Nervous System Regulation — Nervous system regulation is the ability to shift from survival responses into states of calm and safety. Awe supports this by activating parasympathetic pathways.
• Parasympathetic Activation — Parasympathetic activation slows heart rate and reduces stress responses. Awe naturally engages this system, counteracting chronic trauma arousal.
• Perceptual Narrowing — Perceptual narrowing limits awareness to perceived threats. Scam victims may interpret neutral interactions as dangerous due to this trauma response.
• Perspective Expansion — Perspective expansion is the broadening of awareness beyond immediate pain. Awe facilitates this by directing attention to vastness and complexity.
• Prosocial Awe — Prosocial awe arises from witnessing collective resilience or moral courage. It reinforces belonging and reduces isolation after relational betrayal.
• Psychological Safety — Psychological safety is the internal sense that one can think, feel, and reflect without threat. Recovery depends on restoring this internal safety.
• Psychological Trauma — Psychological trauma results from experiences that overwhelm coping resources. Relationship scams qualify due to sustained deception and emotional manipulation.
• Rumination — Rumination is a repetitive, unproductive mental replay of distressing events. Awe interrupts rumination by redirecting attention and engaging sensory processing.
• Scam Fog — Scam fog is cognitive confusion caused by prolonged manipulation and emotional dependency. It impairs judgment and persists after the scam ends.
• Schema Disruption — Schema disruption occurs when core beliefs about relationships and trust collapse. Awe assists in rebuilding schemas without reinforcing cynicism.
• Self-Blame — Self-blame is the internalization of responsibility for being deceived. Recovery reframes blame as a predictable response to manipulation, not a personal failure.
• Self-Concept — Self-concept is the internal understanding of identity and worth. Trauma distorts this perception, while awe helps restore proportion and dignity.
• Shame — Shame is the belief that one is fundamentally flawed. It intensifies after scams and is reduced through perspective, validation, and emotional processing.
• Small Self Effect — The small self effect describes the reduced ego focus during awe experiences. This shift decreases shame and increases connectedness.
• Social Withdrawal — Social withdrawal is the avoidance of interaction due to fear or exhaustion. Awe can gently reopen engagement by restoring curiosity and openness.
• Somatic Awareness — Somatic awareness is attention to bodily sensations. Awe increases present-moment awareness and supports trauma integration.
• Survival Mode — Survival mode is a state where the nervous system prioritizes threat management. Prolonged survival mode inhibits recovery and emotional processing.
• Trust Rupture — Trust rupture is the breakdown of confidence in others and reality. Awe provides non-relational evidence that the world still contains stability and beauty.
• Vastness — Vastness is the perception of scale beyond ordinary reference points. It is a core trigger of awe and perspective shift.
• Worldview Repair — Worldview repair is the rebuilding of meaning after betrayal. Awe supports this by expanding perception beyond the scam experience.

Author Biographies

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