Focus on Meaning

A SCARS Institute Scam Victim Recovery Insight

Recently, I have been focused on trying to understand meaning from the perspective of another person. Someone I have been trying to help, who has slid backward after nearly 10 years in recovery.

One thing I have seen is how easily the facade of recovery slips away with new traumas, and no matter how much we think we have regained strength and resiliency, when another trauma hits, you can be back to your raw self all over again.

Insights on Meaning

Each of you is desperately seeking to understand this crime, this experience, and to find your own meaning in it.

The meaning you seek is not that the universe chose you on that fateful day. That is not meaning. That is surrender. That is the voice of despair dressed up as philosophy.

The universe did not choose you. The universe does not care. It is not a conscious force that selects victims for a purpose. It is indifferent. The scam began not because you were singled out by fate, but because you were targeted by a predator, someone who studied human weakness, who knew how to exploit loneliness and other vulnerabilities, hope, and trust. You were not chosen. You were hunted.

And that is the first truth you must embrace if you want to find real meaning: You were not meant to suffer. You were made to survive.

The meaning you are looking for does not lie in the moment the scam began. It lies in the moment you decide to stop letting it define you. It is not in the loss, but in the refusal to let the loss erase you. It is not in the betrayal, but in the quiet, stubborn act of rebuilding your life anyway, not because the universe demanded it, but because you chose it.

Negativity & Meaning

For those who have gone over to the dark side, meaning can be very dark indeed. Here’s what the meaning actually is to them, stripped bare:

After the scam is discovered, their meaning is not about identity, resilience, or rebuilding. It’s about loss. Pure, unrelenting loss. The meaning is the crushing weight of knowing you were manipulated, not by a fool, but by someone who studied you, weaponized your loneliness, your kindness, your hope, and turned them into tools to destroy you. The meaning is waking up every day knowing that everything you believed about love, about trust, about your own judgment, was a lie. And not a small lie. A lie that cost you money, time, dignity, and the future you thought you were building. The meaning is not “you are strong.” The meaning is “you were betrayed, and you are still bleeding.”

They believe the meaning is shame, not because you did something wrong, but because the world treats you like you did. You’re expected to laugh it off, to “move on,” to not make a scene. But you can’t. Because the shame isn’t about being scammed, it’s about being seen as scammed. It’s the fear of being labeled “gullible,” “naive,” “stupid.” It’s the way people look at you differently, not with pity, but with suspicion. Like you’re the problem, not the crime. The meaning is being told to “get over it” when your brain is still stuck in the moment you realized you’d been played. The meaning is silence, because no one wants to hear how deep the wound goes. And if they do, they offer solutions, not comfort. They want to fix you, not hold you.

For many, the meaning is rage, not the kind that explodes, but the kind that simmers. The rage at the criminal who never had to look you in the eye. The rage at the system that lets them disappear into the dark corners of the internet. The rage at yourself for believing, not because you were weak, but because you were human. Because you wanted to love, to be loved, to be safe. And that’s what they exploited. The meaning is not “you’ll heal.” The meaning is “you’re still here, and that’s all you’ve got for now.” No grand purpose. No silver lining. Just the raw, ugly truth: you were robbed, not just of money, but of peace. And the only meaning you can find right now is the one you claw back, inch by inch, day by day, in the quiet moments when no one is watching.

Many believe that this is the real meaning. Not the one they sell you on greeting cards. The one you live.

True Meaning

However, that meaning is just as false. The true meaning is not found in accepting that this happened to you as some cosmic test or divine plan. It is found in the small, daily acts of strength: getting out of bed when you feel like you can’t. Saying “no” to the voice that tells you you’re broken. Reaching out to someone who understands, even when you’re terrified of being judged. Sitting with your pain instead of running from it. Learning that your worth is not measured by what you lost, but by what you still have, your breath, your heart, your capacity to feel, to care, to hope again.

The meaning is not in the scam. It is in the recovery. Not the recovery that promises you’ll be “whole again,” but the recovery that allows you to be different, wiser, more compassionate, more aware of your own strength or lack of it. It is in the realization that you are not the sum of what was stolen from you, but the sum of what you choose to build after it.

And if you want to believe the universe chose you, then believe this: it chose you to survive. Not to suffer, not to be a victim, but to rise. Not because you were special, but because you are human. And being human means you have the power to turn pain into purpose, even if that purpose is simply to live, fully, fiercely, and on your own terms.

That is the only meaning worth claiming. Not the one handed to you by fate. The one you forge yourself, in the fire.

Can you accept that?

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
January 2026