Most Men Do Not Recover

We have a significant mental health crisis for men who have been scammed!

The staggering reality is that the vast majority of men, well over 95% (in our experience), fail to achieve a genuine emotional and psychological recovery after being victimized by a relationship scam.

This is not due to a lack of resilience or an inability to heal, but to a perfect storm of ingrained societal conditioning and personal barriers that make the path to recovery almost impassable. The very traits traditionally celebrated in men, toughness, emotional reticence, and an aura of indestructibility, become the walls of a self-made prison, trapping them in the trauma and preventing the connection needed for healing.

This applies to men as the primary victim and in secondary victimization as well (such as husbands of wives who were scammed.)

At the core of this extreme difficulty is a profound resistance to vulnerability.

From a young age, men are often socialized to believe that expressing feelings, especially emotional pain, is a sign of weakness. To admit to being scammed is to confess not just to a financial loss, but to a deep emotional injury and a violation of their judgment. This admission directly confronts the masculine ideal of being in control, savvy, and impervious to manipulation. In other words, to admit the scam and their pain is to admit they are not a man.

The shame is therefore magnified, not just by the crime itself, but by the perceived failure to live up to this impossible standard of stoic masculinity. This shame creates a powerful incentive to remain silent, to hide the real damage, to bury the experience, and to pretend it never happened. They are not just hiding the scam from others; they are hiding it from themselves, which is the very definition of unresolved trauma.

This resistance to talking about their feelings is the primary obstacle that denies them recovery.

Healing from a psychological wound requires processing it, and processing requires articulation. Yet, for most men, the idea of sitting down and openly discussing the profound sense of betrayal, the heartbreak, and the utter foolishness they feel is anathema. They perceive it as an admission of defeat. This self-imposed silence isolates them completely. They carry the full weight of the trauma alone, without the validation that comes from sharing their story with others who understand. They deny themselves the catharsis of being told, “It’s not your fault,” and the relief of knowing they are not alone. This isolation festers, often turning into depression, anger, or a deep-seated mistrust that poisons all future relationships.

To break this cycle, men must make a conscious and difficult decision to push through these self-imposed stereotypes.

The first and most critical step is to find a safe space and talk, and there are actually very few. This means understanding that professional support providers (such as the SCARS Institute) and therapists are not there to judge them, but to help them. They need to learn that they can speak openly and safely about how these crimes affected them without diminishing their masculinity. In fact, confronting this pain head-on is an act of immense courage and strength.

Furthermore, seeking professional therapy is not a sign of being “broken” but a strategic tool for managing the specific damage done to their psyche. A support provider and therapist can provide the tools to dismantle the shame blame & guilt, process the grief, manage their trauma, and rebuild a foundation of trust.

Without this willingness to be vulnerable and seek help, most men will remain stuck, their recovery a distant possibility, forever out of reach.

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
November 2025