The Challenge of Supporting Scam Victims

The work of providing support to traumatized individuals, particularly those recovering from the devastation of relationship scams, is a profound duality. It is a path that illuminates the highest peaks of human resilience and the darkest valleys of human behavior. Over the last decade, I have encountered every spectrum of scam victims, and the experience has brought out both the best in me and the worst in the people I strive to help. It is a strange and often painful truth that the very act of giving can reveal the stark contrast between gratitude and entitlement.

On one hand, there are those who restore your faith in the process. They are the individuals who, despite their shattered world, genuinely value the support offered to them. They accept the gift of guidance, time, and compassion with grace. They do not view it as a transaction or a service they are owed, but as a lifeline thrown to a drowning person. These survivors make the most of the help they receive; they take the tools provided and do the hard work of rebuilding themselves. To see someone take the pieces of their broken life and, with your help, begin to construct a future is an unparalleled reward. These few, these very few, make the work worthwhile. They remind you why you started this journey in the first place.

On the other hand, there are those who bring out the most frustrating aspects of this work. They feel entitled to your time, your energy, and your emotional labor. They do not see support as a gift to be cherished, but as a commodity to be demanded. This sense of entitlement is a tragic paradox, for it absolutely prevents them from using the help well. Because they view support as something they are due, they often approach it with a passive mindset, waiting to be fixed rather than actively participating in their recovery. They are often hostile or aggressive when their unrealistic expectations are not met. If a message is not answered instantly or if the advice is not what they want to hear, they lash out. Sadly, these are often the ones who almost never recover from the crime and the trauma. Their inability to appreciate the help is a symptom of a deeper wound, a refusal to accept reality that keeps them trapped in their own suffering.

I have also encountered the great challenge of those who do not truly want help but prefer to live in denial. They engage with the process only to seek validation for their own narratives or to wallow in the comfort of their victimhood. This has been the greatest challenge of my career, and I have faced some massive obstacles. It is incredibly draining to pour your energy into someone who is committed to staying in the same place. It forces you to confront your own limitations and the harsh reality that you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped.

It is vital to remember that support is not a right; it is a gift that one person gives to or shares with another. This fundamental distinction seems lost on many. No one likes to waste their time on people who do not appreciate the gift they provide. Very quickly, the provider will burn out and give up, and another valuable resource is lost to the community. This is a natural consequence of entitlement and ingratitude. When a support provider feels used and unappreciated, they must protect their own well-being and step away.

Yet, those of us who do this work know, or at least should know, that this is a sacred responsibility. We are here to help those in need, to stand in the gap when someone has lost everything. We are driven by a sense of duty and compassion. However, we must also acknowledge that our resources are limited, and we have our own limitations. We are human beings, not infinite wellsprings of emotional strength. To continue this work, we must guard our energy and direct it toward those who are truly willing to receive it, accepting that we cannot help everyone, and that the gratitude of a few is worth the struggle of the many.

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
January 2026