Encouragement vs. Support

Understanding what Support really is

There is a profound and critical distinction between encouragement and support, especially when guiding someone through the treacherous aftermath of a traumatic crime like a scam. When a survivor thanks us for “encouragement,” we appreciate the sentiment, but it is vital to clarify the role we play. We do not offer pat-on-the-back reassurances or platitudes like “everything is going to be fine.” That is not encouragement; it is a form of false comfort that can be dangerously misleading. True support, the kind we provide, is something far more substantial and essential for genuine recovery.

Think of it this way: encouragement is the “new coat of paint on a house.” It is bright, cheerful, and makes the surface look good from a distance. It can make you feel better for a moment, but it does nothing to address the foundation. Support, in contrast, is the foundation itself. It is the steel-reinforced concrete, the deep pilings driven into bedrock, the structural framework that ensures the building will not collapse when the storms of life inevitably return. A survivor does not need a pretty facade to hide behind; they need a solid foundation upon which they can rebuild their entire life.

Recovering from a scam is not a simple matter of feeling better; it is a complex and often painful navigation of deep emotional waters. The journey requires a guide, not a cheerleader. A cheerleader simply shouts slogans from the sidelines, which is useless when you are drowning in trauma, grief, and the crushing weight of shame, blame, and guilt. A guide, however, hands you a map, teaches you how to read the currents, and points out the sharp, unseen rocks that can sink your recovery. This is the essence of true support. It is providing the unvarnished truth about the recovery process: that it will be hard, that there will be setbacks, and that the difficult emotions must be faced, not avoided.

False happy talk is a disservice to a victim because it invalidates their reality. When they are in the depths of despair, telling them “it’s all going to be okay” can feel dismissive, as if their immense pain is something to be glossed over. It robs them of the opportunity to develop genuine resilience. True support acknowledges their pain without judgment. It says, “What you are feeling is normal and justified. It is okay that you are not okay right now. Let’s talk about what you are feeling and why.” It provides the tools and understanding needed to dismantle the shame, which is perhaps the most destructive force in a scam victim’s life. It offers guidance on how to separate the crime from their identity, helping them see that being the target of a sophisticated predator does not make them foolish or weak.

Ultimately, a survivor needs to be told the truth because only the truth can set them free. They need to understand the neurological and psychological reasons they feel trapped, the nature of trauma bonding, and the concrete steps required to heal. They need to be supported through this process with unwavering honesty and compassion. This kind of support builds a lasting internal structure of self-awareness and strength. The new coat of paint of encouragement will eventually chip and fade under the pressure of reality, but a solid foundation of truth-based support will endure, providing the stability they need not just to recover, but to rebuild knowledge-based resiliency and thrive long after the immediate pain has subsided.

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
December 2025