Scam Victimization and Risks for Domestic Abuse

Exploring the Intersection and Connections Between Domestic Abuse and Scam Victimization

Primary Category: Sociology & Crime Victimization

Authors:
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D., DFin, MCPO, MAnth – Anthropologist, Scientist, Polymath, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

About This Article

Exploring the intersection of scam victimization and domestic abuse reveals how emotional and financial vulnerabilities can place you at greater risk for further harm. Although direct statistics linking scams and domestic violence are limited, the shared risk factors—such as isolation, diminished self-esteem, and financial strain—highlight how these experiences can overlap. Scam victimization can deepen emotional wounds and create opportunities for abusers to exert control through emotional or economic manipulation. Understanding these risks, recognizing early signs of coercive behavior, and building a foundation of support are essential steps in protecting your safety and advancing your recovery. By staying informed and seeking the right help when needed, you reclaim not only your security but also the power to rebuild a stable and resilient future.

Note: This article is intended for informational purposes and does not replace professional medical advice. If you are experiencing distress, please consult a qualified mental health professional.

Exploring the Intersection: Domestic Abuse and Scam Victimization

As a scam victim, you might wonder if your experience increases your risk of facing domestic abuse or violence, or if these two forms of harm often overlap. While direct statistics linking scam victimization and domestic abuse are limited, understanding the vulnerabilities that contribute to both can shed light on their potential intersection. Let’s explore the available data, critically examine the gaps, and consider how these issues might affect you, offering a deeper perspective on your recovery journey.

Understanding the Vulnerabilities: Why Scam Victims Might Face Domestic Abuse

Shared Risk Factors for Victimization

When you experience a scam, you often face emotional and financial vulnerabilities that can make you more susceptible to other forms of harm, including domestic abuse. Scams, particularly romance scams, exploit your trust, leaving you with feelings of shame, isolation, and diminished self-esteem. These emotional wounds mirror risk factors for domestic abuse, where abusers target individuals who feel powerless or isolated. For instance, the trauma of a scam might lead you to withdraw from social circles, a pattern similar to the isolation abusers use to control their victims, as noted in web sources on domestic violence dynamics. This overlap suggests that the emotional fallout from a scam could make you a more likely target for an abuser seeking to exert power and control, a core element of domestic violence.

Financial Strain and Relationship Tension

Scams often result in significant financial loss, which can strain your relationships and create conditions ripe for domestic abuse. If you’ve lost money to a scammer, you might face economic instability, a known risk factor for intimate partner violence. Web sources indicate that domestic violence costs the U.S. economy billions annually, with victims losing millions of workdays due to abuse-related issues. This financial burden can mirror the stress you experience after a scam, potentially escalating tensions with a partner. You might find yourself arguing over money, or an abusive partner could exploit your financial vulnerability, blaming you for the loss with statements like you brought this on us, using it as a pretext to exert control through emotional or economic abuse.

Examining the Data: What We Know and What’s Missing

Lack of Direct Statistics on Overlap

You might be searching for specific statistics that show how often scam victims experience domestic abuse, but such data remains scarce. Web sources provide extensive statistics on domestic violence, revealing that over 10 million people in the U.S. experience intimate partner violence annually, with 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men facing severe physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by a partner in their lifetime. Additionally, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner, and intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crimes. However, these sources do not directly address whether scam victims are disproportionately represented among these numbers, highlighting a significant gap in research.

Indirect Evidence: Shared Demographics and Vulnerabilities

While direct statistics linking scam victims and domestic abuse are unavailable, you can infer potential overlap by examining shared demographics and vulnerabilities. Domestic violence data shows that certain groups, such as women, transgender individuals, and those from marginalized communities, face higher rates of abuse. For example, 44% of lesbian women and 61% of bisexual women experience intimate partner violence, and nearly 2 in 5 transgender people report such abuse. Scam victims often share these demographics, as romance scams frequently target women and vulnerable populations seeking connection. The emotional toll of a scam, such as psychological aggression similar to that seen in domestic abuse, might exacerbate your vulnerability, making you a potential target for an abuser who senses your weakened state.

Critically Examining the Narrative: Gaps and Assumptions

The establishment narrative on domestic violence focuses heavily on physical and sexual abuse, often overlooking subtler forms like economic or emotional abuse, which are common in scam-related contexts. You might notice that web sources emphasize physical violence statistics, such as the 20 people per minute abused by an intimate partner, but they rarely explore how financial exploitation—like that experienced in scams—can intersect with domestic abuse. This gap suggests an assumption that these issues are separate, ignoring how a scam’s financial impact could fuel domestic tensions. For instance, an abusive partner might use your scam-related losses to justify economic control, withholding money or blaming you for the family’s struggles, a form of abuse not captured in physical violence statistics. This oversight limits the understanding of how scam victimization might contribute to domestic abuse, leaving you without clear data to validate your experience.

The Potential Connection: How Scams Might Lead to Domestic Abuse

Emotional Fallout as a Catalyst

The emotional fallout from a scam can create conditions that increase your risk of domestic abuse. After a scam, you might feel hyperarousal or nausea, symptoms also associated with domestic violence trauma, as noted in web sources. These emotional states can make you more susceptible to an abuser’s manipulation, as they prey on your lowered defenses. An abusive partner might exploit your shame, saying, You’re too gullible to make decisions, using your scam experience to justify controlling behaviors like isolating you from friends or monitoring your activities, tactics abusers often employ to maintain power and control.

Financial Exploitation as a Bridge

Scams and domestic abuse often intersect through financial exploitation, a form of abuse highlighted in domestic violence data. Web sources note that abusers may engage in economic control, such as taking your money or preventing you from working, which mirrors the financial manipulation you experience in a scam. If you’re already financially vulnerable from a scam, an abusive partner might seize this opportunity to deepen their control, refusing to let you access funds or blaming you for the loss with statements like you ruined us. This overlap suggests that the economic impact of a scam could directly contribute to domestic abuse, creating a cycle where financial instability fuels emotional and physical harm.

Critical Perspective: Missing Context in the Narrative

You should note that the establishment narrative on domestic violence often focuses on physical violence, with statistics like 20 people per minute abused by an intimate partner, but it overlooks subtler forms like emotional or economic abuse, which may be more relevant to scam victims. An abusive partner might exploit your scam-related financial loss, using coercive control to blame you with phrases like you ruined our finances, yet this intersection isn’t captured in the data. This gap suggests a lack of research into how scam victimization might contribute to domestic abuse, leaving you without specific statistics to fully understand your risk.

The Emotional and Psychological Challenges Spouses Face After Scam Disclosure

When a spouse learns that their partner has been involved in a romance or relationship scam, the emotional and psychological impact can be overwhelming. The betrayal feels personal, even though the scammer was the true perpetrator. For many spouses, the discovery triggers a cascade of emotions: shock, anger, humiliation, fear, and profound confusion. These emotions do not exist in isolation. They collide, creating a highly volatile and unpredictable emotional state that can alter the dynamics of the relationship immediately and sometimes permanently.

For some, the initial reaction is disbelief. They struggle to understand how their partner could have been deceived. This disbelief often turns into anger—not only at the scammer but at the victimized spouse. Questions arise that have no easy answers. Why did you not see the signs? Why did you keep it a secret? How could you risk our family’s security? These questions are not just rhetorical. They carry a heavy emotional charge, fueled by a sense of betrayal that touches both the emotional bond and the shared life the couple built together.

Humiliation also plays a powerful role. Learning that one’s spouse has been scammed can feel like a personal failure, an attack on one’s self-worth and the perceived stability of the relationship. Friends, family, and the larger community can become imagined judges in the mind of the betrayed spouse, leading to feelings of shame and isolation. The fear of judgment can be paralyzing, making it difficult for the non-victimized spouse to seek support or talk openly about what has happened.

These emotions, if left unaddressed, can escalate quickly. In households where the relationship was already strained, the disclosure can ignite underlying tensions. Resentments that had been dormant can surface. Power struggles can intensify. In relationships where control, anger, or intimidation were already present, the emotional volatility following a scam’s exposure can increase the risk of domestic abuse. What might have remained hidden beneath the surface now becomes a dangerous flashpoint.

Domestic abuse does not always take the form of physical violence. Emotional abuse—such as shaming, belittling, or threatening—can intensify in the aftermath of a scam’s disclosure. Financial abuse may also emerge, with one partner seizing control of all financial decisions, citing the betrayal as justification. The betrayed spouse, feeling justified in their anger and fear, may exercise domination under the guise of protecting the family. The victimized spouse, already carrying the heavy burden of shame and guilt, may submit to these controls, believing they deserve the mistreatment.

Psychologically, both partners enter a crisis state. The scam victim grapples with guilt, self-blame, and the emotional trauma of betrayal by the scammer. The non-victimized spouse struggles with trust, anger, and fear about the future. Together, they face a fractured foundation, with trust and emotional safety compromised on both sides. Without careful intervention, the relationship can deteriorate into cycles of blame, punishment, and withdrawal, deepening the wounds rather than healing them.

Recovery, if it is to happen, requires deliberate and compassionate steps. Both partners must recognize that the scam was an external attack, not a failure of love or loyalty. Professional support is often necessary, not only to address the trauma but to rebuild communication, restore trust, and establish new, healthier patterns of interaction. Without it, the emotional and psychological damage can fester, leaving lasting scars or, in the worst cases, escalating to dangerous levels of domestic conflict.

Understanding the profound challenges spouses face after scam disclosure is essential. It is not simply a personal crisis; it is a psychological event that can destabilize the entire family structure. Recognizing the risk factors and seeking appropriate support can mean the difference between deepening harm and creating a path toward healing.

An Example of the Worst Kind – the Death of Renee Holland

Author’s Note: Renee Holland was a scam victim who had joined one of the SCARS support groups. After several months, she was lured away from our support by an amateur “advocate.” Over time, it appears that Renee received advice or counsel from this individual that, as far as we can determine, led her to fully disclose the scam to her allegedly abusive husband. Sadly, she had been out of our group for some months when this occurred. When the SCARS Institute advises a victim or survivor, we take great care to consider all of the surrounding circumstances. We cannot say for certain whether her death was preventable, but it stands as a stark reminder of the very real dangers of relying on amateurs for guidance.

On December 23, 2018, a violent incident in Port St. Lucie, Florida, claimed the lives of Renee Holland, 39, her father Gary Pohlson, 69, and eventually her husband Mark Holland, 41, in a double murder followed by an attempted suicide. The event, investigated by the St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office, unfolded at the Holland residence on Southwest Airoso Boulevard, leaving a community grappling with the consequences of domestic violence mixed with the victimization of online scams. This portion of the account is based on published reports, detailing Renee Holland’s life and the circumstances of her death, presented with the objectivity required by the gravity of the subject.

At approximately 8 p.m. on December 23, 2018, St. Lucie County Sheriff’s deputies responded to a 911 call reporting gunshots at the Holland residence. Upon arrival, they discovered Renee Holland and Gary Pohlson deceased, each having sustained multiple gunshot wounds. Mark Holland was also found wounded in an attempted suicide, with a firearm nearby, indicating a self-inflicted wound. The sheriff’s office, supported by the medical examiner’s findings, classified the incident as a double murder-suicide, with Mark as the perpetrator. Autopsies confirmed that Renee and Gary died from gunshot injuries, while Mark’s death was ruled a suicide when he died sometime later.

The investigation, detailed in reports from WPTV, TCPalm, CBS12, and AP News, pointed to domestic violence as the underlying cause, since they were unaware of the significant financial loss from a relationship scam and Renee had become involved in many months earlier. Sheriff Keith Pearson, addressing the public, emphasized the incident’s connection to domestic issues, though specific motives were not disclosed in the sources. The absence of prior law enforcement calls to the home underscored the hidden nature of the conflict, a point echoed in community reactions reported on social media. A Facebook post from a local news outlet noted public shock, as neighbors and acquaintances expressed disbelief at the violence in a typically quiet neighborhood.

Sources:

• • https://www.wpbf.com/article/sheriff-man-dies-from-injuries-after-killing-wife-father-in-law-in-st-lucie-county/25683487
  • https://www.tcpalm.com/story/news/crime/st-lucie-county/2018/12/26/domestic-violence-mark-holland-suicide-murders-wife-father-law/2414021002/

Renee Holland, Lessons Learned

The above is not intended to be a full account of Renee Holland’s life. We knew the wonderful person that she was, and we are forever saddened by her loss.

This is meant to highlight the real and usually overlooked risk that emerges when a family is driven into crisis by the emotional and financial devastation of a relationship scam. When such a betrayal surfaces, the impact does not stop with the victim. It reverberates through the household, unsettling the emotional stability of everyone involved.

In moments of crisis, families can be thrust into psychological shock. Betrayal, financial loss, and fear create a volatile emotional landscape. Under this strain, people often react in ways that are unpredictable and sometimes destructive. Old wounds reopen. Hidden resentments surface. Even in families that once seemed strong, these moments can reveal deep fractures. It is in these highly charged environments that individuals may show their worst selves, not because they are inherently cruel or violent, but because the psychological weight of the crisis strips away restraint and reason.

A relationship scam does more than deceive the victim. It shatters the trust that holds a family together. The emotional fallout can escalate conflicts, strain marriages, and damage parent-child relationships. In the shock of discovery, emotions often override rational thinking, leading to actions that can cause lasting harm. This is why post-scam disclosure within a family must be approached with care, consideration, and, when possible, professional guidance.

Psychological shock alters how people process information and react to stress. Fear and humiliation can quickly turn into anger or aggression. People who feel powerless or betrayed may lash out, not always at the scammer or the situation, but at those closest to them. Without support or proper intervention, a family under this kind of stress can become a dangerous place, especially for a victim who is already emotionally vulnerable.

In these situations, the risk is not only to the emotional well-being of the victim but, in some cases, to their physical safety. Navigating such disclosures requires more than courage. It demands a strategic, trauma-informed approach that considers the mental state of all involved. Scams create hidden casualties, and without careful handling, the consequences can be irreversible.

Understanding this risk is not about casting blame. It is about acknowledging the reality that a scam’s impact does not end with exposure. It marks the beginning of a difficult and often dangerous emotional reckoning that requires support, patience, and professional insight to navigate safely.

Steps to Protect Yourself and Heal

Recognizing the Signs of Abuse

To protect yourself, you need to recognize the signs of domestic abuse, especially if your scam experience has left you vulnerable. Look for red flags like a partner isolating you from friends, constantly monitoring your activities, or using your scam loss to shame you with comments like you can’t be trusted with money. These behaviors reflect coercive control, a common tactic in domestic abuse, and can escalate if not addressed. Understanding these signs helps you identify potential abuse early, allowing you to take steps to ensure your safety.

Seeking Support to Break the Cycle

You can find support to break the cycle of vulnerability by connecting with trusted friends, family, or professionals who understand your experience. Sharing your story with someone you trust can help you process the emotional toll of the scam, reducing the isolation that makes you a target for abuse. If you suspect domestic abuse, consider reaching out to hotlines like the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, which can provide resources and safety planning. Therapy can also help you address the shame and mistrust from the scam, empowering you to set boundaries and recognize healthy relationships, ensuring you don’t fall into patterns of abuse.

Rebuilding Financial and Emotional Stability

To reduce your risk of domestic abuse, focus on rebuilding your financial and emotional stability after a scam. Create a budget to regain control over your finances, seeking advice from a financial counselor if needed. Emotionally, practice self-compassion by affirming, I am enough, to counter the shame that might make you vulnerable to an abuser’s manipulation. By strengthening your financial and emotional foundation, you reduce the leverage an abuser might use to control you, helping you reclaim your independence and resilience.

How to Seek Safety When You Fear Domestic Abuse After Scam Disclosure

If you are a scam victim and fear that disclosing the scam to your spouse or partner could lead to domestic abuse or violence, your first priority must be personal safety. Preparing for this possibility requires careful, deliberate steps. Fear is not weakness. It is a valid and protective signal that must be respected.

Begin by assessing the immediate risk. Pay attention to past behaviors. If your partner has displayed controlling, threatening, or violent tendencies before, disclosure could escalate those behaviors. Trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe even thinking about having the conversation, consider that a warning sign.

Create a safety plan before disclosing anything. Identify a safe place you can go if the situation deteriorates, such as a trusted friend’s home, a family member’s house, or a domestic violence shelter. Know the quickest exit routes in your home. Keep essential documents—identification, financial records, medical information—in a place where you can access them quickly if you need to leave.

Limit what you share if you sense danger. Disclosure does not have to happen immediately or completely. You are not obligated to reveal every detail if doing so puts you at risk. Sometimes, waiting until you have secured support or have a professional involved can provide a safer environment for difficult conversations.

Reach out for help quietly. Domestic violence hotlines, local shelters, and legal aid services can guide you through creating a personalized safety plan. Some organizations offer confidential online chats if making a phone call feels too risky. Prepare in advance by memorizing essential phone numbers or keeping them hidden in a secure location.

Your safety is more important than immediate disclosure. If the risk of abuse is real, take the steps needed to protect yourself first. You are not alone, and there is help available to ensure that you do not have to face this danger without support.

To learn more about domestic abuse visit: https://www.thehotline.org/here-for-you/

If you need to talk to someone now, Call 1.800.799.7233

Conclusion

Understanding Your Risks and Reclaiming Your Strength

As a scam victim, you face unique vulnerabilities that might increase your risk of domestic abuse, though direct statistics on this overlap remain limited. The emotional toll of a scam, such as shame and mistrust, combined with financial strain, can create conditions where abusers exploit your weakened state, using tactics like economic control or coercive control to deepen their hold over you. Web data on domestic violence highlights its prevalence, with 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experiencing severe intimate partner violence, but the lack of research on scam victims within these numbers reveals a critical gap in understanding. By recognizing the signs of abuse, seeking support, and rebuilding your financial and emotional stability, you can protect yourself from further harm and continue your recovery journey with strength and clarity.

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