The Four Basic Regrets and How They Apply to Scam Victims
Understanding the Basic Human Regrets that are Common to all Scam Victims
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Authors:
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Based on the work of Daniel H. Pink, is the author of several provocative, bestselling books about business, work, creativity and behavior.
About This Article
Regret is a natural human emotion, and understanding its four basic types—foundation, boldness, moral, and connection—can offer scam victims valuable insights for recovery.
Foundation regrets focus on failing to establish stability, such as not saving enough money or taking preventive steps to avoid scams.
Boldness regrets involve missed opportunities, like not asking questions or seeking help during the scam or recovery process.
Moral regrets stem from ethical missteps, such as not warning others or unintentionally enabling a scam.
Connection regrets arise when victims fail to reach out to loved ones for support or advice.
By reflecting on these regrets, scam victims can make better choices in the future, regain control of their lives, and strengthen relationships, ultimately moving forward with greater resilience and clarity.
The Four Basic Regrets and How They Apply to Scam Victims
Regret is an emotion that all humans experience.
While many try to avoid thinking about it, regret can offer valuable lessons if understood properly. According to research, people across the world generally share four basic types of regrets: foundation regrets, boldness regrets, moral regrets, and connection regrets. These regrets reflect what people value most in life—stability, taking risks, acting ethically, and maintaining meaningful relationships. For scam victims, these types of regrets can be especially relevant as they reflect on their experiences and seek to move forward. Understanding these four categories can help scam victims process their emotions and make better decisions in the future.
1. Foundation Regrets: “If Only I Had Been More Prepared”
Foundation regrets are about failing to create a solid foundation in life, such as not saving enough money, not prioritizing education, or not taking care of one’s health. These regrets often come from choices that left people without stability or security. Scam victims may experience foundation regrets when they realize they didn’t have enough financial protection or didn’t take preventive steps like securing personal information or verifying sources before trusting someone.
For example, a scam victim might think, “If only I had been more cautious with my financial decisions, I wouldn’t have fallen for this scam.” They might also regret not having emergency savings or not seeking financial advice earlier in life. This type of regret often leads people to take more responsibility for their future, encouraging them to be better prepared going forward.
2. Boldness Regrets: “If Only I Had Taken the Risk”
Boldness regrets arise when people look back on opportunities they didn’t take—whether it’s not starting a business, not speaking up, or not pursuing a dream. These regrets are about the chances people didn’t take, often because of fear or self-doubt. For scam victims, boldness regrets may be felt if they realize they hesitated to ask questions or confront the scammer when something didn’t feel right.
A victim might say, “If only I had been bold enough to ask for more details or challenge the claims, I could have avoided the scam.” They may regret not trusting their instincts or not taking action to protect themselves earlier. Boldness regrets can also apply during the recovery process, as scam victims may look back and realize they weren’t bold enough to seek help or learn from others when they needed it most. They may think, “If only I had asked for help or reached out to someone who could guide me through this recovery.” These missed opportunities for support can hinder healing and leave victims feeling isolated. Boldness regrets often teach people that it’s better to take a chance, even if it feels uncomfortable, than to stay silent and later wish they had acted.
3. Moral Regrets: “If Only I Had Done the Right Thing”
Moral regrets occur when someone chooses to do the wrong thing, and it weighs on them for years. These could be decisions like cheating, lying, or hurting others, and they lead to deep regret because they go against one’s values. Scam victims may experience moral regrets in situations where they were part of a dishonest scheme or enabled a scam to continue, even if unintentionally.
For instance, someone might say, “If only I had told my friend that the offer seemed suspicious instead of staying silent.” Moral regrets often inspire people to act more ethically in the future, reminding them of the importance of doing the right thing even in difficult situations. Scam victims can use these regrets to strengthen their moral compass and ensure that they act with integrity going forward.
4. Connection Regrets: “If Only I Had Reached Out”
Connection regrets stem from relationships that faded or were neglected. These regrets come from missed opportunities to maintain or repair relationships with family, friends, or colleagues. Scam victims may feel this type of regret if the scam caused them to withdraw from loved ones, or if they failed to seek help from someone who could have supported them.
A victim might think, “If only I had reached out to my friend who warned me about this scam, maybe I wouldn’t have lost so much.” They may also regret not informing family members who could have helped or not staying connected to those who tried to offer support. Connection regrets encourage people to nurture relationships, reminding them that seeking help and maintaining bonds with others is essential, especially in times of crisis.
How Scam Victims Can Use Regret to Move Forward
While regret can feel overwhelming, it can also serve as a tool for growth if handled constructively. Scam victims can reflect on their regrets in these four areas—foundation, boldness, moral, and connection—and use them to make better choices in the future. Here’s how:
Learn from Foundation Regrets: Scam victims can assess how they can build a stronger foundation going forward, whether it’s by improving their financial literacy, creating an emergency fund, or taking steps to secure personal information.
Act on Boldness Regrets: Recognizing missed opportunities to speak up or challenge suspicious claims can encourage victims to be more assertive in the future. This may involve asking more questions or seeking advice before making decisions. Additionally, during recovery, scam victims should take bold steps to ask for help and learn from others to rebuild and heal faster.
Grow from Moral Regrets: If a scam victim feels they acted in a way that went against their values, they can commit to making more ethical choices in the future. This might include being more open with others or taking steps to protect not only themselves but also those around them.
Repair Connection Regrets: Victims can use regret as motivation to reconnect with loved ones, ask for help, or offer support to others who may be in similar situations. Reaching out can help rebuild relationships and foster a sense of community and trust.
Summary
Regret is a natural part of the human experience, but it doesn’t have to be a source of endless frustration or guilt. By understanding the four basic types of regret—foundation, boldness, moral, and connection—scam victims can process their emotions in a healthy way and use those feelings to inform better decisions. Reflecting on regret can guide victims to rebuild their lives, act more boldly, strengthen their moral values, and maintain stronger relationships, ultimately helping them move forward with greater clarity and resilience.
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- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
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A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
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- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
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- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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