Scam Victim Recovery Insights
From the SCARS Institute
Give Support for the Holidays!
An Insight into How Family Members Can Help Scam Victims During the Holidays
For the family members of a scam victim, the holiday season presents a unique and delicate challenge.
Your natural instinct is to pull your loved one into the warmth and cheer of Christmas, believing it will be a welcome distraction from their pain. However, for someone navigating the profound trauma of a scam, the forced joy of the season can feel like a cruel mockery of their internal reality. The most meaningful gift you can offer this year is not a present under the tree, but a deep and patient understanding of their experience, creating a safe harbor of acceptance within the holiday storm.
You must understand that their trauma has fundamentally altered their relationship with the world. The very themes of Christmas, trust, generosity, and connection, are the very concepts that were shattered by the scam. Your loved one is not just sad; they are grappling with a deep-seated violation that has poisoned their perception of safety and goodwill.
The festive atmosphere can trigger intense anxiety, shame, and a profound sense of isolation. When you encourage them to “get into the spirit,” it can feel like you are dismissing the magnitude of their suffering and pressuring them to perform “a happiness” they do not feel. The most supportive thing you can do is to validate their reality. Simple phrases like “I know this must be so difficult, and it’s okay to not feel festive” can be more healing than any well-intentioned attempt to cheer them up.
Practically, this means giving them an unconditional “out.” Do not pressure them to attend every gathering or participate in every tradition. Explicitly tell them that their presence is wanted but not required, and that you will love them just the same if they need to stay home, rest, or simply be quiet. This act of removing expectation is a powerful demonstration of love and respect. It gives them back a sense of control in a time when they feel they have none.
When they are with you, focus less on creating a “perfect Christmas” and more on creating a “safe space.” This might mean scaling back on the chaos, allowing for quieter moments, and steering conversations away from topics that could trigger their anxiety, such as finances or major life decisions.
Please resist the urge to “fix” them. Your role is not to be their therapist, but their family.
Avoid asking probing questions about the scam or offering unsolicited advice on what they “should” be doing. Instead, offer consistent, non-judgmental love. A simple, “I’m here for you, whatever you need,” spoken with sincerity, can be a lifeline. Understand that their healing is not a linear process; there will be good days and bad days.
Your patience is your greatest asset. This Christmas, your love can be the gentle light that doesn’t try to banish their darkness, but simply sits with them in it, reminding them that they are not alone, and that your acceptance is the one gift they never have to earn.
Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
December 2025
This is but one component, one piece of the puzzle …
Understanding how the human mind is manipulated and controlled involves recognizing that the tactics employed by deceivers are multifaceted and complex. This information is just one aspect of a broader spectrum of vulnerabilities, tendencies, and techniques that permit us to be influenced and deceived. To grasp the full extent of how our minds can be influenced, it is essential to examine all the various processes and functions of our brains and minds, methods and strategies used the criminals, and our psychological tendencies (such as cognitive biases) that enable deception. Each part contributes to a larger puzzle, revealing how our perceptions and decisions can be subtly swayed. By appreciating the diverse ways in which manipulation occurs, we gain a more comprehensive understanding of the challenges we face in avoiding deception in its many forms.
“Thufir Hawat: Now, remember, the first step in avoiding a *trap* – is knowing of its existence.” — DUNE
“If you can fully understand your own mind, you can avoid any deception!” — Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
“The essence of bravery is being without self-deception.” — Pema Chödrön
