Avoid the Language of Blame

A SCARS Institute Scam Victim Support Insight

If you are a family member or a friend, learn this!

Even if you are a victim/survivor, learn this too!

It’s all about the words we use. Words have the power to wound or to heal, and right now, our language is wounding the wrong people. We have to stop using the words that blame victims and minimize these crimes. The words we choose define what society thinks of victims, and more importantly, what victims think of themselves.

Stop using these words:

Love Scam: This isn’t about love. It’s a crime of psychological manipulation. The word “love” does not apply.

Catfished: A derogatory term, born from men complaining about fake women’s profiles. It trivializes what is a profound violation.

Brainwashed: Victims are not reprogrammed robots. They are human beings who were expertly groomed, coerced, and controlled, left traumatized by the experience. “Brainwashed” is a dismissal.

Duped: Victims are not easily cheated. They are systematically groomed and psychologically manipulated by professionals. “Duped” makes it sound like a simple parlor trick.

In a Relationship: It was a one-sided violation built on manipulation and control. It may have felt real, but it was never a relationship. It was a crime.

In Love: Victims don’t “fall in love.” Their emotions are hijacked. What they feel is real, but it’s a response to a carefully constructed stimulus. It is a psychological violation, psychological rape.

Dumb, Stupid, Fool, Gullible, Naive: These words are weapons. Victims don’t lack intelligence, wisdom, or judgment. Smart people are scammed every single day. The criminals are just that good. They are experts at psychological warfare. These words blame the target for the effectiveness of the attack.

Guilty: Victims are not at fault. They have nothing to feel guilty about. They were lured into a crime, groomed, manipulated, and controlled.

Get Over It / Move On: This is the cruelest dismissal of all. Scam victims are traumatized. It can take months or years of professional support to even begin to move forward and recover. You wouldn’t tell this to a victim of a violent physical assault. Don’t say it to a victim of a psychological one.

He/She, Him/Her: The person you were talking to was a fake identity. These criminals work in teams. There is only They/Them.

Fix Your Assumptions

Scam victims are not okay. They are left traumatized, often unable to even describe what has happened to them. The resulting grief and trauma require professional care and significant time to heal.

Often, victims do not have a choice to leave the scam. They are manipulated and psychologically controlled to the point where they are held against their will.

Victims do not stay in a scam because they are lonely or needy. They stay because the criminal has established psychological control over them.

Most victims do not see the red flags because the grooming and manipulation are expert-level. When they finally leave and look back, they may think they saw them but that’s just hindsight bias, not a failure of judgment during the crime.

Anyone can be scammed. We open the door to these criminals with our own inherent biases, which they exploit with masterful precision.

For many victims, the manipulation and control are simply too strong to break on their own. The criminals are just that good.

Even when a victim begins to suspect something is wrong, the addictive cycle of their own hijacked neurotransmitters and hormones continues the job that the criminal started.

Victims become money mules not out of greed, but because they are so completely controlled that they have no other psychological options. The trust was manufactured.

After the scam ends, it can take weeks for a victim to fully understand what happened because the residual psychological control lingers. It takes even longer to break it completely.

The effects of the criminal’s manipulation can last for months, even years. Many victims, still vulnerable, relapse into new scams, completely beyond their control, without new knowledge and behavior changes.

Intelligence is not a defense. Knowledge is not a shield.

All humans are hard-wired to be deceived. All it takes is the right story and the right manipulation, and anyone can be controlled. To reduce these risks, we must focus on both knowledge and behavior. Risk avoidance is a skill that must be actively learned.

Remember:

Don’t minimize these crimes with your language. A scam is fraud, and fraud is a violent crime.

“Scammer” and “fraudster” are made-up, friendly, almost quaint terms. Call them what they are: Criminals. Organized, professional criminals.

Criminals choose to engage in crime because it is incredibly profitable. Never, ever apologize for the criminal. Their actions destroy lives, and in some cases, they lead to suicide. They kill victims.

Please understand this.

Prof. Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
April 2026