Scam Victim Recovery Insights
From the SCARS Institute
Solomon’s Paradox
A SCARS Institute Scam Victim Recovery Insight
In psychology, Solomon’s paradox is the tendency for people to reason more wisely about other people’s problems than about their own.
The name comes from King Solomon, who was famous for giving wise judgments to others while making serious mistakes in his own personal life. Psychologists use the term to describe a very human contradiction: distance improves judgment. When a problem belongs to someone else, a person sees it more clearly, weighs competing interests more fairly, considers long-term consequences, and avoids becoming overwhelmed by emotion. When the same problem is personal, emotion, fear, attachment, ego, shame, hope, and self-protection interfere with that same reasoning ability.
The research associated with psychologist Igor Grossmann and colleagues found that people showed greater “wise reasoning” when they considered another person’s relationship problem than when they considered their own. This included greater intellectual humility, greater recognition that circumstances change, better appreciation of multiple viewpoints, and a stronger willingness to seek compromise.
What makes Solomon’s paradox especially important is that the problem is not a lack of intelligence. The person already possesses the reasoning ability. The difficulty is accessing it when the self is emotionally involved.
Psychologists have found that self-distancing helps reduce the paradox. Instead of asking, “What should I do?” a person mentally steps outside the situation and asks something closer to, “What would I tell someone I cared about if they were in exactly this situation?” Another method is to think about oneself in the third person, using one’s own name rather than “I.” That small shift creates psychological distance and reduces some of the emotional interference with judgment.
For traumatized scam victims, Solomon’s paradox is particularly relevant. A survivor can look at another victim’s story and immediately recognize the manipulation, explain why the victim was not foolish, see the criminal’s tactics clearly, and recommend sensible recovery steps. Yet when looking at their own experience, that same person becomes trapped in questions such as, “How could I have done this?” “Why didn’t I see it?” or “Maybe this situation was different.”
They possess the wisdom. Trauma, attachment, shame, and self-involvement make it harder to apply that wisdom inward.
That is the deeper value of Solomon’s paradox in recovery: sometimes a person does not need better advice. They need enough psychological distance to hear the advice they would already give someone else.
Prof. Emeritus TimMcGuinness, Ph.D.
SCARS Institute
September 2026
This is but one component, one piece of the puzzle …
Understanding how the human mind is manipulated and controlled involves recognizing that the tactics employed by deceivers are multifaceted and complex. This information is just one aspect of a broader spectrum of vulnerabilities, tendencies, and techniques that permit us to be influenced and deceived. To grasp the full extent of how our minds can be influenced, it is essential to examine all the various processes and functions of our brains and minds, methods and strategies used the criminals, and our psychological tendencies (such as cognitive biases) that enable deception. Each part contributes to a larger puzzle, revealing how our perceptions and decisions can be subtly swayed. By appreciating the diverse ways in which manipulation occurs, we gain a more comprehensive understanding of the challenges we face in avoiding deception in its many forms.
“Thufir Hawat: Now, remember, the first step in avoiding a *trap* – is knowing of its existence.” — DUNE
“If you can fully understand your own mind, you can avoid any deception!” — Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
“The essence of bravery is being without self-deception.” — Pema Chödrön
