Psychological Resistance to Recovery in Scam Victims

Helping Scam Victims to Understand the Price They Pay for Trying to Over Control Their Recovery

Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology

Author:
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

About This Article

The psychological resistance to recovery is often the greatest danger scam victims face, as it keeps them trapped in pain and prevents them from fully moving forward.

Resistance feels safe because it offers a sense of control over familiar emotions like guilt and shame, rather than risking the uncertainty of healing. Victims often cling to self-blame as a way of maintaining the illusion that they could have prevented the scam, which prevents them from accepting that they were not at fault. The fear of the unknown, particularly the unpredictable nature of recovery, can make victims hesitant to embrace the healing process.

This resistance prolongs their suffering and leads to further emotional, psychological, and even physical harm. Overcoming resistance requires self-awareness, challenging negative beliefs, setting small goals, and building a strong support system, all while embracing vulnerability and trusting in the recovery process. Only by letting go of resistance can victims begin to heal and reclaim their sense of self-worth.

Psychological Resistance to Recovery in Scam Victims – How This Stops Recovery and Extends the Pain

The greatest danger scam victims face during their recovery is not external but internal—their own psychological resistance to the process. This resistance can be a major roadblock that keeps victims from fully restoring their lives and managing their trauma. While many scam victims are eager to escape the emotional, financial, and psychological damage caused by the deception, they often find themselves unconsciously resisting recovery because it feels safer to stay in the familiar pain than to venture into an unknown future.

Introduction

Psychological resistance is a deeply ingrained response to emotional trauma, particularly for scam victims. It acts as a defense mechanism to prevent individuals from facing the full emotional weight of their experiences. In the case of scam recovery, resistance manifests as an unconscious (or sometimes conscious) reluctance to engage in the healing process and accept the necessary fundaments of these crimes. It is the mind’s way of shielding itself from further pain by clinging to familiar emotions like guilt, shame, or self-blame, even though these emotions are destructive. Resistance creates a psychological barrier that keeps victims stuck in a loop of suffering, where the idea of moving forward feels threatening and unsafe.

At its core, resistance is rooted in fear—fear of the unknown, fear of losing control, and fear of vulnerability. When scam victims realize they’ve been deceived, their world is turned upside down. The betrayal damages their trust not only in others but also in themselves. The psychological shock of being victimized shakes their sense of identity, self-worth, and judgment. It’s a profound emotional wound, and recovery means facing that wound head-on, which can be overwhelming.

Resistance steps in to protect the victim from this emotional exposure. It offers a form of control, where staying in a state of emotional pain feels safer than risking the uncertainty of healing. The mind rationalizes that failing to recover is preferable to taking a leap into an unknown future, where there are no guarantees. For scam victims, resisting recovery can feel like a form of self-preservation. The pain they are familiar with, as difficult as it is, feels manageable compared to the unknown outcomes of letting go, moving on, and trusting the recovery process.

In this way, resistance can act as a shield. By holding onto self-blame, victims can avoid confronting the fact that they were manipulated and deceived by someone else. While accepting that the scam was not their fault would provide emotional relief, it would also mean relinquishing the sense of control that comes with self-blame. Ironically, blaming oneself gives the illusion of power—the belief that if they had made different choices, they could have prevented the scam. Letting go of that belief means accepting that there was nothing they could have done, which is a difficult truth to face.

Resistance, therefore, is about more than just avoiding recovery—it’s about maintaining a psychological stronghold in a world that suddenly feels unsafe and unpredictable.

Why Resistance Feels Safe

At its core, resistance offers control. When you resist, you feel like you’re still steering the ship. Even though that ship may be stuck in a harbor of pain, guilt, or shame, it’s a place you know. Failure to recover becomes a safe, predictable outcome—there’s no risk because the result is already known. On the other hand, recovery involves stepping into an unknown and unknowable future, one where the outcome is uncertain and where trust must be placed in a process you can’t fully control.

Resistance feels safe because it allows scam victims to maintain a sense of control in a world that suddenly feels unpredictable and unsafe. When someone becomes victimized by a scam, their sense of trust—both in others and in themselves—shatters. They might start questioning their judgment, intelligence, and ability to keep themselves safe. Recovery requires them to navigate an unfamiliar emotional landscape, confront deep-seated feelings of betrayal, and venture into an uncertain future. For many, this process feels daunting, so they unconsciously resist it.

One of the primary reasons resistance feels safe is that it creates a protective barrier between the individual and the full emotional weight of the trauma they’ve endured. Engaging with recovery requires victims to face not only the pain of what they’ve lost but also the vulnerability that comes with acknowledging that they were deceived and manipulated. This is an emotionally intense process, and resistance acts as a psychological cushion. By avoiding these difficult emotions, the victim stays in a state of denial or self-blame, which feels familiar and, in a strange way, manageable.

Another factor is that resistance offers a sense of control. Self-blame, though painful, provides the illusion that the victim had some influence over the situation. It allows them to hold onto the belief that, if they had made different choices, they could have prevented the scam. Letting go of this belief means accepting that they were powerless in the situation—that someone else deliberately manipulated them. For many victims, this reality is even more terrifying than the shame of self-blame, so they cling to the familiar narrative as a way of feeling in control.

Additionally, resistance to recovery also stems from the fear of the unknown. Moving forward into a new phase of life—one where they must redefine their identity, rebuild trust in themselves, and confront the deeper emotional wounds inflicted by the scam—feels overwhelming. The future is uncertain, and for someone already wounded by betrayal, stepping into an uncertain future can feel like walking into danger. The mind prefers the safety of the known, even if the known is painful because it’s predictable.

In this way, resistance isn’t just a refusal to recover; it’s a self-defense mechanism. The pain of staying where they are feels more manageable than the risk of vulnerability, uncertainty, and emotional exposure that comes with healing. In the mind of a scam victim, remaining in a state of resistance is a way to avoid future hurt, even if it means prolonging their suffering.

Accepting the path of recovery means you need to give up the comfort of control and embrace the vulnerability of the unknown. This is incredibly frightening for scam victims who already feel as though they’ve lost control in the worst possible way—by being deceived. Trusting a recovery process often feels too risky because it means relying on others, opening up about your experience, and admitting that you were manipulated. All of this challenges the mind’s desire to stay safe in the known.

Ultimately, resistance feels safe because it allows the victim to remain in control of their pain, to maintain the comfort of familiar emotions, and to avoid the daunting task of confronting the deeper emotional and psychological layers of their trauma. It’s an emotional armor, protecting them from having to face the unknown path to recovery.

The Comfort of Self-Blame

Blaming yourself for being victimized is another common and powerful form of resistance. Scam victims often struggle to let go of the idea that they could have done something to prevent what happened. Accepting that the scam was not their fault feels like relinquishing the small sense of control they have left. When you blame yourself, you maintain the illusion that you had power in the situation. That’s easier to live with than accepting that you were manipulated by someone you trusted.

Self-blame, despite its emotional toll, can provide a strange sense of comfort for scam victims. On the surface, it seems counterintuitive—why would anyone find solace in blaming themselves for their suffering? The answer lies in the illusion of control that self-blame offers. When victims internalize the belief that the scam happened because of something they did or failed to do, they are, in a sense, protecting themselves from confronting the randomness and unpredictability of the scam. Self-blame allows victims to believe that, if they had been smarter, more cautious, or more vigilant, they could have prevented the deception. This narrative, although painful, provides a way to feel as though they had some control over the situation.

In reality, accepting that they were manipulated by a scammer forces victims to confront an uncomfortable truth: they were targeted by someone who deliberately deceived them, often exploiting their trust and emotions. This realization can be terrifying because it reveals how little control they had in the situation. It challenges their worldview and forces them to recognize that anyone—even the most intelligent or cautious individuals—can be scammed. Self-blame, on the other hand, offers the illusion that they could have controlled the outcome if only they had acted differently. It creates a narrative where they were in control, even if the control led to a negative result.

Another factor is that self-blame provides a clear answer to the question of “why did this happen to me?” In the aftermath of a scam, victims often feel the need to make sense of what happened. Self-blame provides an immediate, if flawed, answer. It simplifies the narrative by assigning fault to themselves, which can feel more straightforward than grappling with the complexities of being victimized by a skilled and manipulative scammer. It’s easier, in a way, to say “this is my fault” than to accept that they were outsmarted by a fraudster who deliberately preyed on their vulnerabilities.

In some cases, self-blame may also stem from societal attitudes. Victims of scams are often met with skepticism or outright judgment from others, who may ask why they didn’t see the signs or how they could have been so “gullible.” This external judgment can reinforce the victim’s own tendency to blame themselves, creating a cycle of shame and guilt that feels inescapable. The fear of being judged by others can lead victims to internalize the blame, believing that by holding themselves accountable, they can avoid the painful judgment of those around them.

Finally, self-blame also allows victims to avoid the uncertainty of moving forward. Recovery requires them to step into the unknown, to trust the process of healing, and to accept that they were powerless in the face of the scam. Self-blame keeps them rooted in the past, allowing them to hold onto a sense of control, even if it means delaying their recovery. In this way, self-blame becomes a coping mechanism—providing short-term comfort at the cost of long-term healing.

Ultimately, self-blame is a double-edged sword. It offers a sense of control and answers to difficult questions, but it also prevents victims from fully accepting that the scam was not their fault. As long as they cling to self-blame, they remain trapped in the past, unable to move forward into the unknown but necessary journey of recovery.

The Unknown and the Fear of the Outcome

One of the hardest aspects of recovery is accepting that you don’t know where it will lead. Recovery is not a linear path. It’s filled with ups and downs, with moments of clarity followed by setbacks. The unknown is scary because it means giving up the predictability of staying hurt or angry, and it requires trust in a process that might feel foreign or uncomfortable.

One of the greatest barriers to recovery for scam victims is the overwhelming fear of the unknown. When someone is scammed, their sense of security is shattered, leaving them vulnerable and uncertain about their ability to trust again—whether it be trusting others, themselves, or the recovery process itself. In recovery, the journey ahead is uncharted territory, filled with uncertainty about how long healing will take, how successful it will be, and how they will cope with the emotional aftermath. This fear of the unknown often feels more terrifying than the familiar pain of staying stuck in self-blame or avoidance.

For many scam victims, staying in the place of emotional stagnation feels safer than moving forward because they know what to expect. The prospect of change and growth, however, is fraught with unpredictability. What if they can’t recover? What if they try to trust again and get deceived? What if they never regain their confidence? These unanswered questions swirl in their minds, feeding into a paralyzing anxiety about the future. The process of recovery requires victims to step into this void without guarantees of how they will feel at the end, which is a daunting prospect for anyone who has experienced deep betrayal.

The fear of the unknown is also tied to the need to relinquish control. During the scam, victims often feel they lost control of their lives and decisions, and stepping into recovery means letting go of the few defenses they have built—namely, self-blame or avoidance. Trusting in the recovery process requires accepting that they don’t have all the answers, that their pain won’t disappear overnight, and that they have to face uncomfortable emotions like grief, anger, and vulnerability. This relinquishment of control feels like another loss for scam victims, who have already lost so much—money, trust, self-esteem, and their sense of security.

Recovery also means facing a new identity. After a scam, victims often experience an identity crisis—questioning who they are, what they stand for, and how they allowed themselves to be deceived. Moving forward requires them to confront these difficult questions and begin to rebuild their sense of self. This new identity is unformed, and they may fear that it will not align with their past self-image or that others will view them differently. The uncertainty of who they will become in the process of healing can feel destabilizing, prompting victims to resist recovery in favor of clinging to the past, however painful it may be.

Ultimately, this fear of the unknown keeps scam victims tethered to their trauma. It’s not just the fear of feeling pain again—it’s the fear of what lies on the other side of that pain. The unknown holds no promises, and for those already betrayed and hurt, stepping into it feels like another risk they’re not ready to take. However, only by confronting these fears and embracing the uncertainty of recovery can they begin to truly heal and regain their sense of control in a new, healthier way.

Remember, this fear of the unknown is one of the reasons scam victims often resist help, counseling, or recovery programs. The possibility that the recovery process might not “work” or that the emotional pain might return is too daunting. But the only way to truly move forward is to embrace that uncertainty and trust that, although the road is unfamiliar, it will eventually lead to healing.

The Danger of Staying in Resistance

The danger of staying in resistance is that it becomes a self-sabotaging cycle. By refusing to engage fully with recovery, victims inadvertently reinforce their feelings of helplessness. Resistance becomes a barrier to self-compassion, preventing scam victims from accepting that what happened wasn’t their fault. It keeps them stuck in a narrative of failure when in reality, recovery requires understanding that being victimized is not a reflection of personal weakness or lack of judgment.

Many victims fear that letting go of their resistance will leave them even more vulnerable. After all, if they let go of their self-blame and embrace recovery, they’ll have to face the raw emotional pain that comes with being deceived. This pain is often so overwhelming that it feels easier to stay in the known discomfort than to face the unpredictable emotional journey ahead.

While resistance can feel like a safe haven for scam victims, staying in that space poses significant dangers to both their mental and emotional well-being. When victims choose to remain in a state of resistance, they prevent themselves from engaging in the healing process, leaving them trapped in their pain and trauma. This stagnation often prolongs the psychological wounds of the scam, leading to more profound feelings of depression, anxiety, and helplessness. The longer they remain resistant to recovery, the more entrenched these negative emotions become, making it harder to move forward in the future.

One of the most dangerous aspects of staying in resistance is the reinforcement of maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as isolation, avoidance, and self-blame. These behaviors might initially feel protective, but over time, they prevent victims from seeking the support and understanding they need to heal. When victims isolate themselves, they miss out on the opportunities to share their experiences with others who understand or receive guidance from professionals. Avoidance of emotional pain may seem like a way to stay in control, but it ultimately deepens their trauma, as unaddressed emotions tend to resurface in more intense ways later on.

Self-blame, as a form of resistance, further cements the idea that the victim is at fault for their suffering. By clinging to self-blame, victims not only perpetuate their feelings of shame and guilt but also fail to recognize the manipulative tactics used by scammers to exploit them. This internalized guilt becomes a heavy emotional burden, and it can prevent victims from reclaiming their self-worth and moving forward in their recovery journey.

Another significant danger of remaining in resistance is that it can severely impair a victim’s ability to form new, healthy relationships and trust others. The emotional wall built during resistance acts as a barrier, not just to recovery but also to reconnection with friends, family, or potential new relationships. Scam victims who stay resistant are more likely to withdraw from social circles, further isolating themselves and deepening feelings of loneliness and mistrust. The inability to rebuild trust in others can lead to a sense of permanent disconnection from the world, trapping victims in a cycle of fear and suspicion.

Perhaps the most profound danger of staying in resistance is the missed opportunity for personal growth and transformation. Recovery is not just about returning to who they were before the scam—it is about becoming someone stronger, more resilient, and more aware. When victims resist recovery, they deny themselves the chance to rebuild their identity in a way that integrates their experience, rather than allowing it to define them negatively. Staying in resistance freezes them in the past, preventing them from stepping into a future where they are not defined by their trauma but by their resilience in overcoming it.

In the long term, remaining in resistance can lead to chronic psychological conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and anxiety. Without active engagement in recovery, the emotional wounds of the scam can become permanent scars, influencing every aspect of the victim’s life. This resistance to healing not only affects their mental health but can also have physical ramifications, such as increased stress levels, chronic fatigue, and a weakened immune system. The price of staying in resistance is a heavy one, and without addressing it, the road to true recovery remains blocked.

Ultimately, staying in resistance might feel safe, but it is a dangerous illusion. It prevents scam victims from achieving the peace, healing, and empowerment that comes from embracing recovery. While the unknown path of recovery may be frightening, the certainty of staying in resistance is that it leads to prolonged suffering and missed opportunities for growth and healing.

How to Overcome Resistance

The first step to overcoming resistance is to acknowledge it. You have to recognize that your resistance is a natural defense mechanism designed to protect you from further pain. It’s a way of maintaining control in a situation where you felt powerless. But it’s important to understand that this resistance, while protective, is also holding you back from real healing.

Once you can acknowledge the resistance, the next step is to challenge it. Ask yourself whether staying in a state of pain, guilt, or self-blame is really serving you. Are you happier holding onto the past, or is there something greater waiting for you if you can let go?

Lastly, it’s essential to trust in the recovery process. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s filled with uncertainty. But the alternative is to remain stuck in a place of pain, never fully moving on from what happened. Recovery requires a leap of faith, but that leap is the only way to rebuild your life, regain your sense of self-worth, and emerge stronger on the other side.

SCARS Insitute 10 Steps to Overcome Resistance

Overcoming resistance to recovery from a scam is a difficult but essential process. It requires self-awareness, commitment, and patience. Here’s a step-by-step process that can help victims gradually overcome resistance and begin the healing journey:

Step 1: Acknowledge the Resistance

The first and most important step in overcoming resistance is recognizing and admitting that it exists. Many scam victims unconsciously resist moving forward because it feels safer to stay in familiar pain rather than face the unknown. Take time to reflect on the emotions, fears, or behaviors that are keeping you stuck. Ask yourself:

• • • Am I avoiding certain feelings or memories?
    • Do I keep blaming myself even though I know it wasn’t my fault?
    • Am I afraid of what happens if I let go of the past?

By naming the resistance, you take the first step toward breaking its hold.

Step 2: Accept the Reality of the Situation

Accepting that you were victimized is crucial. Scam victims often struggle with denial, shame, and guilt, making it hard to accept what happened. However, acceptance is key to moving forward. This does not mean accepting blame, but rather accepting that the scam occurred and that it’s now part of your experience.

Step 3: Challenge Negative Beliefs and Self-Blame

Once you acknowledge resistance and accept the situation, the next step is to challenge negative beliefs about yourself. Scam victims often believe that they are to blame, that they should have known better, or that they are weak. These thoughts create resistance to healing. Use the following strategies:

• • • Cognitive Restructuring: Write down your self-critical thoughts, and then counter them with facts. For example, if you think, “I should have seen the red flags,” counter with, “Scammers are professionals at manipulation, and many intelligent people are deceived.”
    • Talk to Someone: Engage with a therapist, counselor, or support group to get an outside perspective. They can help you recognize distorted thinking and replace self-blame with self-compassion.

Step 4: Set Small, Attainable Goals

Resistance often feels overwhelming when recovery seems like an enormous task. Instead of focusing on the end goal, break the process into smaller, manageable steps. Setting small goals helps build momentum and gives you a sense of control. For example:

• • • Week 1: Journal about your emotions for 10 minutes a day.
    • Week 2: Research and contact one therapist or support group.
    • Week 3: Start reading a book about scam recovery or trauma.

By focusing on one small step at a time, the recovery process becomes less daunting, and resistance begins to fade.

Step 5: Embrace Vulnerability

Resisting recovery is often rooted in a fear of vulnerability. Scam victims may fear being hurt or deceived again, and this fear can prevent them from opening up or trusting others. To move past resistance, practice being vulnerable in safe spaces. This could mean:

• • • Opening up to a trusted friend or family member about your experience.
    • Joining a support group where others have gone through similar experiences.
    • Allowing yourself to cry, feel, and express your emotions fully.

Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s a sign of courage. Being open with your emotions helps you move past the walls of resistance.

Step 6: Engage in Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

Mindfulness and grounding techniques can help reduce resistance by keeping you focused on the present rather than ruminating on past trauma or worrying about the future. Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or mindful walking can reduce anxiety and give you clarity, helping you to manage your emotions without feeling overwhelmed by them.

Some effective grounding techniques include:

• • • 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.
    • Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Slowly tense and relax each muscle group in your body, starting from your feet and working upwards.

Step 7: Reframe Recovery as a Journey, Not a Destination

Resistance often stems from fear of the outcome. What if recovery doesn’t work? What if I fail again? Instead of focusing on the fear of an unknown future, reframe recovery as a journey where each step forward is progress, not perfection. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small, and view setbacks as part of the process, not failures.

Step 8: Build a Support System

Isolation is one of the biggest contributors to resistance. Surround yourself with a strong support system, including trusted friends, family, therapists, and peer support groups. Talking to people who understand your experience can help you feel less alone and provide encouragement to push through resistance.

Step 9: Practice Self-Compassion

Scam victims often judge themselves harshly. To overcome resistance, practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in your situation. Allow yourself to make mistakes, feel emotions, and take your time in recovery. Self-compassion will help you be more patient with the process, reducing the urge to stay in resistance.

Step 10: Commit to Moving Forward

Finally, make a conscious decision to move forward, even when it feels scary. Recovery is not about eliminating fear but about acting in spite of it. Make a personal commitment to yourself that you will continue taking steps toward healing, even when it’s uncomfortable. This commitment is what breaks the cycle of resistance and opens the door to real growth and recovery.

By following these steps, you can begin to break down the psychological resistance that’s keeping you stuck and start moving toward healing. Recovery is a difficult process, but with patience, self-compassion, and determination, you can reclaim your life and find peace.

Summary

The greatest challenge scam victims face in recovery is not the trauma itself, but their psychological resistance to healing. This resistance feels safe because it offers control and predictability, even if it means staying in pain. But true recovery requires stepping into the unknown, trusting the process, and accepting that the scam was not their fault. By letting go of self-blame and embracing vulnerability, victims can begin the journey to healing and regain control of their lives.

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A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org

SCARS Resources:

• Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
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Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.

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