Repetition Compulsion and Scam Victimization

The Unseen Rehearsal: How Repetition Compulsion Leads Victims Into and Out of a Scam

Primary Category: Psychology of Scams

Author:
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D., DFin, MCPO, MAnth – Anthropologist, Scientist, Polymath, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

Author Biographies Below

About This Article

Recognizing repetition compulsion is a powerful step toward reclaiming your life from the shadows of betrayal. It reveals that the scam was not just an external event but a deeply personal journey, one where you were unwittingly seeking to heal old wounds. Understanding this pattern is not about assigning blame but about offering yourself the empathy and insight needed to move forward. By acknowledging the void you were trying to fill, the familiar scripts you were following, and the unconscious hopes you were chasing, you can begin to break the cycle. True healing is not about rewriting the past but about creating a future where you are no longer driven by old traumas. It is about learning to sit with your emotions, grieve your losses, and build a life that is authentically yours. You are not a victim of circumstance; you are a resilient individual capable of writing a new story, one where you are the author of your own healing and the architect of your own happiness.

Note: This article is intended for informational purposes and does not replace professional medical advice. If you are experiencing distress, please consult a qualified mental health professional.

The Unseen Rehearsal: How Repetition Compulsion Leads Victims Into and Out of a Scam

From the perspective of a trauma specialist, one of the most bewildering and painful questions a scam victim asks themselves is, “How could I have been so blind?” The answer, while complex, often lies not in a momentary lapse of judgment but in a powerful, unconscious psychological force known as repetition compulsion. This is not a flaw in your character or a sign of weakness; it is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism that has gone awry. To truly heal and protect yourself for the future, it is essential to understand this phenomenon, how it may have made you vulnerable before the scam began, how it played a role during the deception, and how it can silently sabotage your recovery if left unexamined.

What is Repetition Compulsion?

First, let’s demystify the term: it was coined by Sigmund Freud; repetition compulsion describes the unconscious drive to reenact elements of past trauma. The psyche, in its attempt to master an overwhelming experience of helplessness, seeks to replay the scenario. The unconscious hope is that this time, the outcome will be different. This time, you will win. This time, you will finally get the love, the validation, or the control you were denied. Tragically, this attempt at mastery almost always fails, and the individual ends up reliving the original pain, reinforcing the very wounds they are trying to heal.

Think of it like an actor endlessly rehearsing a scene from a play where something went terribly wrong. They believe that if they can just get the lines right, fix the timing, or change the ending, they can erase the original mistake. But each rehearsal only deepens the memory of the failure. This is what happens in the mind. It is not a conscious choice. You do not wake up and decide, “Today I will seek out a situation that will hurt me in the same way I was hurt before.” Rather, you are drawn to what feels familiar, to the emotional choreography of an old wound, mistaking it for destiny or simply the way things are.

In psychology, repetition compulsion is a phenomenon where a person unconsciously repeats a traumatic event or its dynamics over and over. This concept was first described by Sigmund Freud, who observed that his patients seemed driven to recreate past traumas in their current lives, not as a conscious choice, but as an irresistible, unconscious urge.

The core idea is that the psyche attempts to gain mastery over a past helplessness by re-enacting the situation. The mind seems to believe that by recreating the trauma, it can achieve a different outcome, thereby “conquering” the original overwhelming experience. However, this attempt at mastery is almost always unsuccessful, and the individual ends up reliving the pain and helplessness, reinforcing the original trauma rather than resolving it.

This pattern can manifest in various ways:

• In Relationships: A person who was abandoned by a parent might consistently choose emotionally unavailable partners, recreating the dynamic of abandonment in an unconscious attempt to finally “win” their love and approval.
• In Careers: Someone who grew up with a critical, belittling authority figure might repeatedly work for demanding, hypercritical bosses, reenacting the familiar dynamic of seeking approval from a harsh source.
• In Scam Victims: A victim of a romance scam might find themselves drawn to another “too good to be true” situation or relationship shortly after. The repetition compulsion could be a subconscious drive to replay the narrative of love and validation they were promised, hoping this time it will be real and they can achieve the happy ending they were denied.

It is critical to understand that this is not a conscious decision. People do not knowingly seek out pain. Rather, it is a powerful, unconscious drive rooted in the brain’s attempt to process and heal from past deep-seated traumas. Recognizing a repetition compulsion is a major step in therapy, as it allows the individual to see the pattern and begin to consciously break the cycle, rather than being unconsciously controlled by it.

How Repetition Compulsion Leads You to the Scam Lure

Before you ever received the first message from a scammer, the stage for the scam may have already been set by your own history. Repetition compulsion does not begin with the scam; it is a pattern that likely existed long before, woven into the fabric of your life choices and relationships. The scammer did not create this vulnerability; they were simply a masterful opportunist who recognized the script and was eager to play a leading role.

If your past involved feelings of abandonment, perhaps from a parent or a previous partner, you may have developed a core belief that you are ultimately unlovable or that people you care for will leave. This creates a deep-seated longing for a connection that is permanent and all-encompassing, a love that will finally prove this core belief wrong. You are not just looking for a partner; you are looking for a savior who will rewrite your emotional history. This profound need is the beacon that attracts the scammer.

The scammer’s initial approach, the “love bombing,” the constant attention, the declarations of destiny, is not just a generic tactic. For a person with this history, it feels like coming home. It is the answer to a prayer you may not have even known you were speaking. The intensity and speed of the connection do not raise a red flag; they feel like the validation you have always craved. Your unconscious mind, driven by repetition compulsion, recognizes the emotional pattern: an intense connection that promises to fill a void. The hope is that this time, unlike the last time, it will be real and it will last. You are, in a sense, running toward the scam to fill a void that was created long ago.

Similarly, if your history involves feeling powerless, unheard, or financially insecure, you may be drawn to a narrative that promises empowerment and control. A scammer posing as a successful investor or entrepreneur offers a script where you become a savvy partner, someone who is finally in charge of their financial destiny. This appeals directly to the part of you that has felt helpless. The repetition compulsion drives you toward this dynamic, hoping to master the old feeling of powerlessness by participating in a story where you are powerful and successful. The scammer provides the perfect stage for this unseen rehearsal, allowing you to play a role that feels like the antidote to your past.

In essence, the scammer does not have to work very hard to create a lure. They simply have to discover the lure you are already carrying within you. They find the echo of your past pain and amplify it, presenting it as the future you have always wanted. Your vulnerability is not that you are naive; it is that you are human, and you are driven by a deep, unconscious need to heal an old wound.

How Repetition Compulsion Manifests During the Scam

Once you are ensnared in the scammer’s narrative, repetition compulsion continues to play a powerful, albeit hidden, role. It influences how you interpret the scammer’s behavior and how you respond to the escalating demands of the relationship. It becomes the lens through which you view the entire situation, filtering out reality and reinforcing the fantasy.

As the relationship deepens and the scammer begins to introduce inconsistencies or minor red flags, your compulsion to repeat the past kicks in to protect the fantasy. If your pattern involves seeking love from emotionally unavailable sources, you are already accustomed to making excuses, overlooking flaws, and trying harder to earn affection. When the scammer cancels a video call at the last minute or becomes evasive about their personal life, you do not see it as a sign of a scam. You see it as a familiar challenge. Your internal monologue might be, “If I am just more patient, more loving, more understanding, I can break through their walls and get the love I need.” You are reenacting the dynamic of trying to earn love from someone incapable of giving it, hoping this time your effort will be enough to succeed.

This is also why victims often work so hard to maintain the illusion of the relationship, even to their own detriment. They become fiercely defensive of the scammer when friends or family express concern. This is not just denial; it is a defense of the healing narrative. To admit the scam is real is to admit that the attempt to master the old wound has failed once again. It is to relive the original abandonment or powerlessness, but this time with the added burden of shame and financial loss. The repetition compulsion demands that you see the scenario through to the “correct” ending, which in your mind is a happy one, even as all evidence points to catastrophe.

During a pig butchering scam, this dynamic is especially clear. The victim, driven by a need to master past financial insecurity, will often ignore warning signs and double down on their “investment.” When the fake platform shows a loss, they do not see it as a scam; they see it as a temporary setback that they can overcome with more capital, more effort, more belief. They are reenacting a struggle against financial hardship, convinced that this time they have the secret to winning. The scammer encourages this, providing fake charts and “expert” advice that feeds directly into the victim’s compulsion to finally conquer their old financial demons.

In essence, while the scammer is pulling the strings, the victim is often an active participant in the drama, driven by an unconscious script. You are not just a passive recipient of the scam; you are playing a role you feel you know, desperately hoping for a different ending. The scammer provides the stage, the script, and the co-star, but the emotional drive to perform comes from within you.

How Repetition Compulsion Can Derail Recovery

The end of the scam does not mean the end of the repetition compulsion. In fact, the recovery process can become the new stage for this old drama. If the original compulsion was to reenact trauma in an attempt to heal it, the post-sam period can trigger a reenactment of the trauma itself, over and over. This is one of the primary reasons why recovery from betrayal trauma can feel so stagnant and circular.

One of the most common ways this manifests is through the constant retelling of the scam story. While sharing your story is a vital part of healing, there is a difference between processing and reenacting. A person caught in a repetition compulsion will tell the story with a focus on the same details, the same points of betrayal, the same feelings of shame and foolishness. Each retelling is an unconscious attempt to go back and change something, to find the moment where it all went wrong and fix it. But the past cannot be changed. Each repetition only deepens the neural pathways of trauma, making the memory more vivid and the associated emotions more raw. You get stuck in a loop, replaying the most painful moments of your life, hoping for a resolution that will never come by simply revisiting the scene.

This compulsion can also drive you to seek out information about your scammer or the scam in a way that is not productive. You might find yourself endlessly scrolling through social media looking for clues, reading other victims’ stories to find one that mirrors yours exactly, or even trying to contact the scammer again. This is not an attempt to gather evidence or find justice. It is a reenactment of the connection. You are drawn back to the source of the trauma, driven by the unconscious hope that this time, you will get a different answer. This time, they will apologize. This time, they will reveal it was all a misunderstanding. This time, you will get the closure you crave. But the only thing you will find is more pain and more confirmation of the original betrayal.

Perhaps most insidiously, repetition compulsion can make you vulnerable to being scammed again. If you have not addressed the core wound that the original scam exploited, you remain vulnerable. The emptiness, the loneliness, the feeling of powerlessness, it is all still there. Without conscious awareness and intentional healing, you may find yourself drawn to another situation that promises to fill that void. The next scammer might use a different script, but if they are offering to play the same role as the last one, savior, romantic ideal, or financial guru, your unconscious mind will recognize the pattern and be tempted to step back onto the stage.

How to Recognize and Overcome the Pattern

Recognizing repetition compulsion in yourself is the first, most critical step toward breaking the cycle. This requires radical self-compassion. You must be able to look at your behavior not as a series of mistakes, but as a misguided attempt to heal. Ask yourself some difficult questions with kindness, not judgment:

• What feeling or situation was I trying to fix when the scammer appeared? Was I lonely, powerless, financially insecure, feeling invisible?
• Did the scammer’s initial promise feel familiar, like an answer to a long-held prayer or a recurring dream?
• During the scam, did I find myself making excuses or overlooking red flags in a way that felt familiar from past relationships or experiences?
• In my recovery, do I feel stuck telling the same story or focusing on the same painful details? Am I seeking answers in places I know will only bring more pain?

Once you can see the pattern, you can begin to consciously break it. The goal is not to stop having needs or to stop desiring connection. The goal is to find healthy ways to meet those needs without reenacting old traumas.

The first step is to grieve the original wound. Acknowledge the pain of the past, whether it was an abandonment, a failure, or a period of powerlessness. Allow yourself to feel the sadness and anger that comes with it. This is not about dwelling on the past, but about honoring the child or younger version of you who was hurt. By giving that pain a name and a space, you take away its power to drive you unconsciously.

Next, you must learn to sit with the emptiness. The scam offered to fill a void, but true healing comes from learning that the void does not always need to be filled. Practice being present with your own feelings without immediately reaching for a distraction or a solution. This can be done through mindfulness, meditation, or simply by taking a few moments each day to check in with yourself. When you feel that old ache of loneliness or insecurity, instead of running from it, just sit with it. Acknowledge it. Say to yourself, “This is loneliness. I have felt this before. It is a feeling, and it will pass.” By doing this, you teach your nervous system that you can survive these emotions, and they do not have to control your actions.

Finally, focus on building a new story, not rewriting an old one. Your healing is not about getting a new ending to the scam story. It is about starting a completely new chapter. What do you want your life to be about now? What values do you want to live by? What small, healthy steps can you take each day to build a life that feels authentic and fulfilling to you, independent of any other person? This might involve taking up a new hobby, volunteering, focusing on your career, or building relationships with people who are safe, consistent, and genuine.

Breaking a repetition compulsion is not easy. It is the work of a lifetime, not a weekend seminar. But by understanding this powerful force, you can transform from a character unconsciously reenacting a tragedy into the conscious author of your own recovery. You can stop looking for someone or something to fix your past and start building a future that is not defined by it. This is the true path to healing, and it is a path you have the power to walk.

Conclusion

Understanding repetition compulsion is not an academic exercise; it is an act of profound self-compassion and the key to reclaiming your power. The scam was a painful chapter, but it was also a mirror, reflecting back an old wound you were unconsciously trying to heal. Your journey forward is not about erasing that chapter or pretending it did not happen. It is about reading it with new wisdom, understanding the deep-seated needs that made you vulnerable, and choosing to write a new story. You are no longer a character unconsciously reenacting a past trauma. You are the conscious author of your own recovery. By learning to sit with your emptiness, grieving your original wounds, and building a life defined by your own values, you break the cycle. The most beautiful truth is that the power to heal was never in the scammer’s hands or in a fantasy. It has been within you all along, waiting for you to claim it.

Glossary

• Abandonment Schema — This refers to a learned expectation that important people will leave or disappoint. In scams, it primes a person to cling to fast intimacy and overlook early warning signs. Recovery improves when the belief is named and tested against present facts.
• Actor’s Rehearsal Metaphor — This compares repetition compulsion to an actor replaying a failed scene to “get it right.” The person unconsciously seeks a new outcome by replaying old pain with new partners or situations. The cycle continues until the pattern is recognized and interrupted.
• All-or-Nothing Hope — This is the belief that only a perfect outcome will heal past hurt. It fuels risky choices and makes small setbacks feel catastrophic. Balanced goals reduce the urge to gamble for a total fix.
• Approval Seeking — This is a drive to earn worth through pleasing or proving. Scammers exploit it with praise and conditional affection. Healthy boundaries weaken the pull to perform.
• Boundary Collapse — This occurs when personal limits soften under intense attention or promises. It allows quick disclosures and fast commitments. Early, simple rules protect privacy and safety.
• Boundary Testing — This is a pattern where small pushes gauge what someone will tolerate. Scammers escalate after each allowance. A firm “no” early prevents larger intrusions later.
• Betrayal Blindness — This is a survival habit of not seeing what threatens an attachment. It keeps a fragile bond intact while increasing risk. Naming it restores sight to conflicting facts and feelings.
• Closure Chasing — This is the urge to seek answers or apologies from harmful sources. It keeps attention on the scammer and reopens wounds. Closure grows by accepting the loss and finishing tasks that protect health and finances.
• Cognitive Dissonance Soothing — This is the mental effort to make clashing facts feel consistent. Victims might invent reasons that protect the fantasy. Gentle, written timelines help reality hold.
• Cognitive Rehearsal — This is the repeated mental replay of a painful event to find a different move. It can teach lessons or entrench shame. Structured reflection limits rumination and extracts learning.
• Control Fantasy — This is the belief that effort alone can fix other people or outcomes. It drives overgiving and overinvesting. Focus on controllable steps to reduce waste and harm.
• Counterfactual Looping — This is the loop of “if only” scenarios that promise relief. It delays action and drains energy. Concrete next steps outperform imagined rewrites of the past.
• Denial Loop — This is the cycle of minimizing, excusing, and delaying hard truths. It shields hope while increasing exposure. Small truths, stated plainly, break the loop.
• Destiny Narrative — This is the story that a relationship or opportunity is fated. It excuses speed and ignores due diligence. Grounding in verified facts slows the rush.
• Double-Down Behavior — This is adding more time, money, or trust to recover a loss. Scammers count on this escalation. Stop rules and outside input halt the slide.
• Emotional Reenactment — This is recreating old feelings with new actors. The scenes feel familiar and urgent. Awareness turns compulsion into choice.
• Empowerment Script — This is a sales story that promises control, status, or rescue. It targets prior experiences of powerlessness. Real empowerment looks like skills, options, and verified resources.
• Enmeshment Pattern — This is when identity fuses with the relationship’s needs and moods. Critique of the partner feels like a critique of the self. Separate routines restore perspective.
• Familiarity Bias — This is choosing what feels known over what is safe. Pain can feel safer than uncertainty. New habits teach the body that calm can become familiar.
• Fantasy Bond — This is an imagined connection treated as proof of trust. It forms through texts, promises, and future talk without shared reality. Real bonds show consistency over time.
• Financial Mastery Quest — This is a drive to erase past money fear with a single win. It increases vulnerability to investment fraud. Slow building and third-party safeguards protect stability.
• Grief Work Avoidance — This is sidestepping sadness, anger, or mourning. Avoidance fuels searching, complaining, or new risky bonds. Naming losses frees attention for repair.
• Helplessness Memory — This is the stored body feeling of being stuck and unseen. Current stress can trigger old sensations. Grounding skills teach the nervous system new outcomes.
• Hope Fixation — This is clinging to a promised future despite present evidence. It narrows attention and blocks wise exits. Flexible hope pairs goals with reality checks.
• Identity Patch — This is using the relationship to cover doubts about worth. Praise becomes proof of value. Self-respect practices supply steadier proof.
• Idealization Rush — This is placing a new person on a pedestal to feel safe and special. It sets the stage for later crashes. Balanced appraisals keep expectations realistic.
• Illusion of Rescue — This is believing someone else will deliver healing or safety. It delays personal actions that work. Small, direct steps rebuild confidence.
• Justice-by-Contact Illusion — This is reaching out to the scammer to force fairness. Contact rarely brings justice and often causes new harm. Official reporting and support pathways work better.
• Lure Recognition Delay — This is the gap between first doubts and clear acknowledgment. Social pressure and fear of loss stretch the delay. A written list of red flags shortens it.
• Mastery Urge — This is the healthy wish to grow, warped into repeating danger to win this time. The urge is not the problem; the arena is. Choose safe arenas that reward practice.
• Meaning-Making Ruts — These are fixed explanations that always blame the self or always blame the world. They block nuance and learning. Flexible meanings fit facts and aid recovery.
• Narrative Closure Seeking — This is trying to end the story with a neat lesson. Complex events rarely allow a single moral. Provisional conclusions keep growth moving.
• Need for Certainty — This is discomfort with ambiguity that pushes hasty decisions. Scammers supply false certainty. Tolerating “not yet known” preserves options.
• Overriding Red Flags — This is noticing warning signs and choosing to proceed. The choice protects hope while risking harm. A pause policy makes room for safer judgment.
• Pattern Blindness — This is seeing events as isolated rather than connected. It hides the role of repetition compulsion. Pattern maps reveal where to step off.
• Pig-Butchering Echo — This is the post-fraud pull to try “one more deposit” elsewhere to reclaim status or hope. It mirrors the original trap. Cooling-off periods and money holds break the echo.
• Post-Scam Pursuit Cycle — This is rotating between researching the scammer, retelling, and self-attack. It feels active but delays repair. Task lists that protect health, money, and records move recovery forward.
• Reenactment Trigger — This is a cue that sparks old scenes, such as praise, urgency, or silence. The body responds before thought catches up. Labeling the cue restores choice.
• Repetition Compulsion — This is the unconscious drive to replay past pain to master it. The replay repeats the injury instead of healing it. Recognition and new responses end the loop.
• Retelling Compulsion — This is the urge to recount the scam with the same focus and emotion. It keeps the nervous system in high alert. Structured, time-boxed sharing supports processing without re-injury.
• Savior Fantasy — This is imagining a partner or mentor who will erase fear, debt, or shame. It invites dependency and control. Mutual support and verified plans replace rescue stories.
• Shame Avoidance Dance — This is shifting blame, attacking the self, or attacking others to dodge shame. It blocks help and learning. Calm self-respect allows facts to guide change.

Author Biographies

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