Differences Between Men & Women Scam Victims [Updated 2025]

Understanding Better How To Help Men/Male Scam Victims

Understanding Gender Differences in Trauma: How Men Experience Psychological Harm Differently from Women After Romance Scams

Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology 

Authors:
•  Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist, Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D., DFin, MCPO, MAnth – Anthropologist, Scientist, Polymath, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

Originally Published on RomanceScamsNOW.com

About This Article

Romance scams inflict profound psychological trauma on men, compounded by societal pressures that discourage emotional disclosure and foster shame, anger, or suppression. Underreporting and misperceptions obscure the extent of male suffering, while biological and socialization differences shape their trauma responses. Effective support requires safe, nonjudgmental spaces, professional guidance, and resources like the SCARS Institute’s Scam Survivor’s School to aid recovery. By validating their experiences and breaking the silence, men can heal, rebuild trust, and reclaim their resilience.

Note: This article is intended for informational purposes and does not replace professional medical advice. If you are experiencing distress, please consult a qualified mental health professional.

Understanding Gender Differences in Trauma: How Men Experience Psychological Harm Differently from Women After Romance Scams

Introduction to Trauma and Gender

Psychological trauma affects people across all backgrounds and demographics. While estimates suggest that more than half of all individuals will experience some form of psychological trauma during their lifetime, the way trauma is experienced, expressed, and reported can vary significantly between men and women. Among the many causes of trauma, romance scams represent a uniquely devastating category. These scams inflict emotional, psychological, and financial damage, often leaving long-term consequences that are poorly understood, especially for male victims.

Although conventional mental health literature often emphasizes higher reported rates of trauma-related disorders in women, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this does not necessarily mean men experience less trauma. Rather, differences in emotional expression, societal expectations, and psychological defense mechanisms often obscure the true extent of trauma in men.

Statistical Misperceptions and Underreporting

Many trauma studies rely on self-reported symptoms or clinical evaluations, both of which may significantly underrepresent male victims. Organizations working with scam victims consistently observe a pattern: for every 100 women who report trauma-related symptoms after a scam, only a small fraction of men do the same. This can lead to the mistaken conclusion that men are more resilient or less affected. In reality, the silence may be more reflective of societal conditioning than of true emotional immunity.

Men often face significant barriers to emotional disclosure. From an early age, many are socialized to suppress vulnerability, to remain stoic, and to view the admission of emotional injury as a weakness. This can result in a reluctance to seek support, difficulty articulating distress, or misdirected emotional responses such as aggression or withdrawal.

Biological and Social Influences

Several factors contribute to the differing ways men and women process psychological trauma.

Biological influences: Some research suggests differences in brain chemistry and hormonal regulation may shape how trauma is internalized. For example, certain studies point to the role of the amygdala, cortisol levels, and neuroplasticity in influencing reactivity to stress, with potential gender-based variations. However, the biological argument remains debated and often oversimplified in public discourse.

Socialization patterns: Gender expectations play a major role. Women are often encouraged to be emotionally expressive and to seek comfort from others when in distress. This openness facilitates earlier intervention and may account for higher reporting rates. Men, by contrast, are often taught to rely on themselves, avoid emotional displays, and maintain control. This conditioning can suppress recognition and disclosure of trauma until the consequences become severe.

Exposure and trauma types: Women statistically report higher exposure to interpersonal traumas such as domestic violence and sexual assault, which are known to carry high PTSD risks. However, male exposure to trauma—including physical violence, emotional betrayal, and financial exploitation—is also significant but less frequently acknowledged or contextualized as traumatic.

How Romance Scams Affect Male Victims

Romance scams are among the most emotionally complex forms of online fraud. These scams typically involve a criminal assuming a false identity to form a romantic connection with the target. Over time, the scammer manipulates the victim emotionally, leading to financial loss and psychological devastation. While public perception often focuses on female victims, men comprise a substantial percentage of targets, and their reactions often follow different psychological pathways.

Shame, silence, and internal collapse

Many male victims react to being scammed with intense shame. They feel they should have known better, should have been stronger, or should have detected the fraud. This internal narrative of failure can become deeply embedded. The fact that the scammer is often revealed to be a group of male criminals posing as a woman adds another layer of humiliation. The romantic and often sexual nature of the scam leaves the victim feeling manipulated not just financially, but emotionally and physically.

This sense of humiliation frequently leads to silence. Men may refuse to disclose the scam even to those closest to them. In private, they may replay the events repeatedly, trying to make sense of what happened. The absence of validation or support from others intensifies their emotional isolation.

Anger and displaced aggression

Other men react with anger or hostility after realizing they were scammed. This may be directed inward through self-blame or externally toward others. Some become combative with law enforcement, support providers, or even loved ones. Rather than process the emotional injury, they shift into defensive mode. This often results in relationship strain, especially if the victim lashes out at those trying to offer help.

“Why didn’t someone stop me?” becomes a frequent internal question, even if no one around them knew what was happening. The belief that they were foolish or gullible takes root, and many attempt to restore their sense of control by acting aggressively or withdrawing from contact entirely.

Suppression and emotional shutdown

A third group of men responds by emotionally disconnecting from the event. Rather than confront the depth of betrayal, they may compartmentalize the experience and bury the emotions. They convince themselves they were not deeply invested or tell others the scam was only about money.

Over time, this suppression can evolve into chronic psychological conditions. These include persistent depression, emotional numbness, or anxiety disorders. Left untreated, this dissociative state may severely impact their capacity for trust and healthy future relationships.

The Importance of Recognition and Support

Helping male scam victims begins with recognizing the legitimacy of their trauma. Minimizing the experience—or assuming that only women suffer emotional harm from scams—contributes to further stigma and prevents men from accessing recovery resources.

Ways to support male scam victims effectively

Create safe, nonjudgmental spaces: Men need environments where they can express vulnerability without fear of ridicule. Support groups or one-on-one therapy sessions should focus on validation and understanding.

Avoid patronizing language: Talking down to men, suggesting they should have known better, or mocking their emotional responses reinforces shame. They need reassurance that trauma responses are normal, not signs of weakness.

Encourage professional help without pressure: Therapists trained in trauma and identity disruption can help men rebuild emotional integrity after a scam. However, male victims may resist formal therapy. Alternatives such as anonymous support forums or structured recovery programs may serve as effective entry points.

Highlight stories of recovery: Knowing that other men have recovered from similar experiences can be powerful. Testimonials or peer-led groups can provide models of hope and resilience.

SCARS Initiatives for Male Victims

The SCARS Institute has recognized these needs and created resources specifically for male victims.

We have created our Scam Survivor’s School to help both men and women, but especially for men who are more reluctant to participate ina support group setting. The course allows for a private self-paced experience of learning without any social pressures.

To enroll for free, visit www.SCARSeducation.org

Recovery for Men Is Possible

Recovery begins when the silence breaks. Whether the initial step is acknowledging the pain, telling a trusted friend, or joining a support group, each action helps dismantle the internal walls built around shame. Over time, male victims can reintegrate their identity, restore trust in themselves, and recognize that their experience does not define their worth.

“Being scammed does not make someone weak. What defines strength is the willingness to confront the pain and do the work to heal.”

Men who have experienced romance scams face a difficult road, but with informed support and the right resources, they can move forward with clarity, purpose, and dignity. The first step is to see their trauma for what it is: real, valid, and worthy of attention.

Final Notes on Moving Forward

Trauma affects every person differently, shaped by a wide range of personal, biological, and societal factors. For male victims of romance scams, silence has often been the barrier to recovery. By understanding the psychological forces involved and offering accessible, respectful support, that silence can be broken.

Male victims do not need to carry their pain alone. Recovery is not about pretending it never happened. It is about facing what did happen and reclaiming the self that was damaged in the process. As awareness grows and services become more inclusive, male survivors of online scams can begin to find a path forward—one that leads to healing, connection, and long-term resilience.

Conclusion

The psychological trauma inflicted by romance scams on male victims is a complex and often overlooked issue, shaped by a confluence of societal expectations, biological influences, and personal experiences. Men’s reluctance to disclose their emotional pain, driven by deeply ingrained norms of stoicism and self-reliance, exacerbates their suffering and hinders access to support.

The shame, anger, or emotional suppression that many male victims exhibit underscores the urgent need for tailored interventions that acknowledge their unique experiences. Initiatives like the SCARS Institute’s Scam Survivor’s School represent vital steps toward providing accessible, nonjudgmental resources that empower men to confront their trauma privately and at their own pace. By enabling environments where vulnerability is destigmatized and recovery is celebrated, society can help male victims break the silence that isolates them.

Recognizing the legitimacy of their pain is not just a matter of empathy; it is a critical step toward dismantling the barriers that prevent healing. As awareness grows, so too does the potential for men to reclaim their sense of self, rebuild trust, and move forward with resilience. The journey to recovery is challenging, but with informed support, male survivors of romance scams can transform their pain into a foundation for renewed strength and connection.

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