Motivational Denial
How Motivational Denial Can Hold People Back From Emotional Recovery – Especially Scam Victims
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Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Motivational denial can prevent scam victims from fully accepting their situation, delaying emotional recovery. Scam victims often seek validation and comfort through motivational sayings, but this can lead to false hope and avoidance of the harsh realities of their trauma.
While motivation can offer temporary relief, it is not a substitute for real support and the hard work needed for recovery. True healing requires confronting painful emotions, accepting the situation, and seeking therapy or support groups, rather than relying solely on motivational platitudes.
How Motivational Denial Can Hold People Back From Emotional Recovery – Especially Scam Victims
One of the things that can be hardest for new victims is total acceptance!
Motivational Denial can hold Victims Back
Relationship scam victims have been through the traumatic experience of believing in a totally false story spun by the criminals who stole from them.
But in the days that follow, that tendency to continue magical thinking remains. Victims are desperately looking for a savior, a path forward, and how to diminish the guilt and shame they feel.
Motivations often fill that emotional need to believe that everything is going to be fine
This desperate need for validation and support often turns to motivational messaging because it can offer some emotional relief.
However, the problem is that most motivational support is not real support, it is deflection avoidance. Victims want to believe in the motivational fairy tales that are everywhere in life, but we know that recovery from these crimes is hard, there will be a significant pain to overcome, and while these messages can provide a small measure of hope, often the hope is false hope.
This is called ‘Motivational Denial’
Motivational sayings are great for encouragement while a scam victim is actively engaged in a recovery process, but it is not real support. Real support is being told the truth about the situation and helping victims to move forward through the pain, the grief, and the trauma.
Motivations are a form of encouragement to be sure, but encouragement is a pat on the back and says “Everything is going to be fine.” Except it is not. Recovery is incredibly hard, just ask any of the scam victims who have successfully recovered.
Motivational Denial is the act of ignoring the reality of a situation in order to stay motivated or positive. It can be a dangerous practice, as it can lead to people making poor decisions or taking unnecessary risks. It can lead easily to false hope and denial. Particularly denial about how deep the trauma from the crime really is.
It is NOT the same as ‘Affirmations’ such as ‘I am a survivor’ or ‘It was not my fault.’ Those are statements of fact that you say over and over to get them glued into your brain and believe them!
Understanding How Hard It Is!
The aftermath of a scam isn’t confined to financial loss. It leaves unseen scars, etching deep emotional wounds that can be as painful as any physical injury. Recovering from this trauma is a challenging journey, marked by grief, self-blame, shattered trust, and the suffocating isolation that shame brings. It is only natural for a scam victim to grasp at warm and fuzzy sayings (or the well-intentioned motivation of others) to help them get through.
Hope Persists
But even in the Darkness, glimmers of Hope Persist
After a scam ends, it is vital to turn away from the fantasies of the scam, and in fact, learn quickly to abandon all fantasies so that they can reconnect with the cold hard reality. Because only reality can lead them out of the dark.
Support, as opposed to motivational encouragement, is a solid hand outstretched that can light the way. Sharing the burden with trusted friends, family, or even fellow victims can chip away at the wall of isolation, revealing a path toward healing.
Real support is about building a new foundation based on truth. Learning what is real, and how a victim can trust themselves and their decisions are critical. But motivation should never be allowed to be a path to believing in false hope that often leads to further denial.
Why Cling to Motivations?
There are a few reasons why scam victims might engage in motivational denial.
One reason is that they may be afraid of failure. If they acknowledge the reality of a situation, they may feel like they are setting themselves up for disappointment. Another reason is that they may be trying to protect their pride. Another is shame. If they admit that they are struggling, they may feel like they are admitting weakness.
Motivational denial can be seen in many different areas of life, but especially true for new scam victims. An athlete who is injured may continue to play, despite the risk of further injury. A business owner who is losing money may continue to invest in their failing company. Or a scam victim who goes back onto online dating too soon. In all of these cases, the person is ignoring the reality of their situation in order to stay motivated or positive. This can be a dangerous practice, as it can lead to people making poor & dangerous decisions, rejecting real help, not listening to the real situation, or taking unnecessary risks.
Not All Motivation is Bad
Not all motivation is bad. But it has to be blended into a program of overall emotional recovery, not be a diet by itself as is all too often the case with scam victims.
If it helps scam victims to realistically face what they are dealing with, then great. But if it is telling you a fairy tale then it is not.
Support & Therapy are Vital Partners
While support is essential, therapy helps victims to unravel the tangled threads of their trauma. Therapists help to equip victims with tools to navigate the labyrinth of emotions, offering validation, understanding, and strategies to rebuild trust and self-compassion.
If a scam victim is not yet ready for a support group, a competent trauma counselor or therapist is a recommended starting point. If the victim is ready to share and participate in a professional support group then that too should be a part of the victim’s recovery as early as possible.
Time & Patience
Recovery isn’t a sprint; it’s a slow, deliberate walk through the garden of pain and scars. Each step, each shared tear, and each moment of self-forgiveness nourishes the soil of resilience. Flowers of real hope rise through the cracks, fragile yet determined.
As someone goes through their recovery, the experience remains, a scar etched on the soul, but it no longer defines. Victims transform into Survivors, their vulnerability morphing into strength, their scars a testament to their journey and a beacon of caution for others.
Scam victims face a long very hard road, one paved with doubt and despair. But with courage, compassion, and support, the sting of betrayal can lessen, the shadows of deception recede, and the heart, once fractured, can mend, stronger and wiser for the storm it weathered.
Tips to Avoid Motivational Denial
Here are some tips for avoiding motivational denial:
- Be honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses.
- Set realistic goals. But understand there is no certainty.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
- Be prepared for setbacks, hard work, and relapses.
- Celebrate your successes.
It is okay to not be perfect. It is also okay to be afraid and feel uncertain. Everyone makes mistakes and faces challenges. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.
Remember
It is important to be aware of the dangers of motivational denial.
If you find yourself ignoring the reality of a situation in order to stay motivated, it is important to take a step back and assess the situation honestly and authentically.
Acknowledging the reality of a situation is the first step to making a plan to address it – in other words, moving forward with your recovery.
Remember, there is no certainty in what you are going through, other than the fact that if you resist you will fail. We hope you will not, and the survivors who make the commitment to do the hard things make it through the recovery process!
If you’ve been touched by the darkness of a scam, you are not alone. The path to healing, though arduous, is possible. Reach out, accept support, and know that within you lies the strength to rise above the shadows and reclaim your light.
More:
- Magical Thinking – How Biased & Delusional Thinking Enslaves Scam Victims (scamsnow.com)
- SCARS 5 Coping Techniques For Traumatized Scam Victims – 2023 (scamsnow.com)
- Toxic Self-Narratives That Feeds Depression in Scam Victims 2023 (scamsnow.com)
- Mental Compartmentalization And Recovery For Scam Victims 2023 (scamsnow.com)
- Filling The Victim Void After The Fake Relationship Is Gone 2023 (scamsnow.com)
- Secrets Can Be Deadly For Scam Victims – Scam Victim Recovery Psychology (scamsnow.com)
- Contractualism and Supporting the Victims of Online Crime (scamsnow.com)
- Anger & Self-Radicalization – Recovery Psychology 2023 (scamsnow.com)
- Fear Of Contagion: Why Scam Victims Are Harshly Judged And Blamed 2023 (scamsnow.com)
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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What do you think about this?
Please share your thoughts in a comment below!
Recovery is indeed hard and this article gives an insight of the harm of motivational denial and how to avoid it. A more realistic saying than “one day I will feel much better” could be “I won’t feel the same way every day, there will be days where I won’t feel in despair, where I will be feel tired or sad, where I will feel grateful, (and so on…)”
Recovery is indeed hard and this article gives an insight of the harm of motivational denial and how to avoid it. A more realistic saying than “one day I will feel much better” could be “I won’t feel the same way every day, there will be days where I won’t feel in despair, where I will feel grateful, (and so on…)”
I never ever thought motivational denial is a real thing. Ignoring the reality of the scam is what the scammers wanted. By reporting the crime, I was able to flip the script.