Scam Victim Resentment Towards Money Mules – Letting It Go!
Helping Scam Victims to Understand Their Resentment towards Money Mules
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Psychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
When scam victims discover that their money was transferred through a “money mule”—a person who unknowingly or knowingly facilitated the scam—the resulting feelings of betrayal and resentment can be overwhelming. This resentment is natural, as it stems from the deep emotional and financial toll of the scam.
However, it’s important to understand that money mules can either be willing participants or unwitting victims themselves, manipulated by the same criminals. The uncertainty of not knowing the mule’s true involvement can fuel ongoing anger, which, if fed, will grow and persist, preventing emotional recovery. Holding onto resentment not only exacerbates the trauma but also impacts mental and physical health, leading to chronic stress, anxiety, and difficulty in forming healthy relationships.
To heal, victims must focus on their own recovery, acknowledge the complexity of the situation, and work toward letting go of resentment. By doing so, they can free themselves from the past and move forward with resilience and strength.
Scam Victims Understanding and Letting Go of Resentment Toward Money Mules in Relationship Scams
When someone falls victim to a relationship scam, the emotional and financial toll are devastating. One of the most painful aspects of these scams is discovering that the money sent in trust and good faith went through the hands of a real person – a stranger, referred to as a “money mule.”
This leaves the scam victim with deep feelings of betrayal and resentment, especially if they believe that this person knowingly participated in the scam.
However, it’s important to understand the complexity of the situation and find a path to letting go of these negative feelings.
And here is the hardest part: The scam was not your fault, and it probably wasn’t the money mule’s fault either! We may just never know!
Resentment is Natural
Resentment is a normal and natural response to being hurt or betrayed, especially in the aftermath of a relationship scam. It’s an understandable reaction to the injustice and loss experienced. However, like any living thing, resentment will persist and grow if we continue to feed it with our thoughts and emotions. The more we dwell on the hurt, replay the events in our minds, and hold onto anger, the stronger and more entrenched the resentment becomes. Just like feeding an animal, if we continue to nourish resentment, it will stay with us, consuming our energy and hindering our ability to heal. To move forward, we must recognize resentment for what it is—a natural reaction that, if not starved of attention, can become a constant, destructive presence in our lives. Letting it go is essential for finding peace and reclaiming control over our emotions and our future.
Who Are Money Mules?
A money mule is someone who transfers or receives money on behalf of the scammers, often without any understanding of the criminal nature of the activity they are involved in. In the case of relationship scams, money mules play a key role in moving the scam victim’s money to the scammer, usually across borders, making it harder to trace and recover.
Money Mules can be Classified into Two Broad Categories
- Willing Participants: These are individuals who knowingly participate in the scam, motivated by greed or a desire to profit from the illegal activities. They understand the criminal implications but choose to assist the scammers, often in exchange for a share of the money.
- Unwitting Victims: These individuals are often manipulated or tricked into becoming money mules. They might be drawn into the scheme by scammers who spin a convincing story, perhaps involving a fake job offer, or by playing on their emotions. These mules may genuinely believe they are helping someone in need or performing a legitimate task.
The Challenge of Knowing the Truth
One of the most challenging aspects for scam victims is that they will likely never know whether the money mule involved in their case was a willing participant or an unwitting victim. This uncertainty can fuel resentment and a desire for justice. Victims may feel angry and betrayed, believing that someone knowingly took part in defrauding them and they want justice.
However, in most cases, most money mules are unwitting victims and not a willing coconspirator. Even when victims learn the real name of the person who received their money, they can’t be sure if that person was complicit in the crime or if they were just another victim manipulated by the scammer. Once the information is provided to law enforcement, victims should do their best to turn towards their own recovery but this is not easy.
The Burden of Resentment
Holding onto resentment against money mules can be emotionally exhausting and significantly hinders a victim’s ability to move forward and recover.
It’s natural to want someone to blame, especially after experiencing such a profound violation of trust. However, focusing on this anger can prevent victims from moving forward and healing from their experience.
Resentment also impacts cognition, clouding judgment and leading to actions that might not be in the victim’s best interest, such as attempting to track down the money mule or seeking revenge. These actions can lead to further emotional distress and legal complications without bringing the closure or satisfaction the scam victim seeks.
Psychological, Physiological, and Traumatic Impact of Resentment
Holding onto resentment, especially after falling victim to a relationship scam, can have profound and far-reaching effects on a person’s psychological and physiological well-being. Resentment can exacerbate the trauma experienced, creating a cycle of negative emotions that can be difficult to break. Understanding the full impact of this burden is crucial for victims as they navigate the path to healing and recovery.
Psychological Impact of Resentment
Prolonged Emotional Distress:
Resentment is a powerful emotion that keeps individuals locked in a state of anger and bitterness. When victims of scams hold onto resentment toward those who received their money—whether they were complicit or unwittingly involved—it perpetuates the emotional pain caused by the initial betrayal. Instead of moving forward, the victim remains stuck, constantly revisiting the hurt and injustice they experienced.
This prolonged emotional distress can lead to chronic feelings of sadness, frustration, and hopelessness. The inability to let go of these emotions can result in a downward spiral, where the victim’s mental health deteriorates over time.
Impact on Mental Health:
Resentment can contribute to the development of mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. The constant rumination over the perceived injustice can create a persistent sense of unease and dissatisfaction with life. Anxiety may manifest as an overwhelming fear of being hurt again, leading to difficulty trusting others or engaging in new relationships.
Depression may arise from feelings of powerlessness, where the victim believes that they have no control over their situation or that the world is inherently unfair. This can lead to a loss of interest in activities, social withdrawal, and difficulty finding joy in life.
Cognitive Distortions:
Resentment can also lead to cognitive distortions, where the victim’s thoughts become overly negative or skewed. For example, they may start to see themselves as perpetual victims or believe that everyone is out to deceive them. These distorted thinking patterns can reinforce feelings of isolation and mistrust, making it harder to form healthy relationships or engage with the world in a positive way.
Physiological Impact of Resentment
Chronic Stress Response:
Resentment triggers the body’s stress response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. When resentment is prolonged, the body remains in a state of heightened alertness, leading to chronic stress. This ongoing stress can have several detrimental effects on physical health.
Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making the body more susceptible to illnesses. It can also lead to digestive issues, headaches, and sleep disturbances. Over time, the wear and tear on the body can contribute to the development of more serious health conditions, such as heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes.
Physical Tension and Discomfort:
The physical manifestation of resentment often includes muscle tension, particularly in areas like the neck, shoulders, and back. This tension can lead to chronic pain and discomfort, further exacerbating the stress and emotional distress the victim is experiencing.
Additionally, the constant state of agitation associated with resentment can lead to restlessness and difficulty relaxing. Victims may find it hard to unwind or enjoy moments of peace, as their bodies remain on edge, ready to react to perceived threats or injustices.
Impact on Sleep:
Resentment can also severely impact sleep patterns. The mental replaying of events and feelings of anger can make it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. This lack of restorative sleep can lead to fatigue, irritability, and decreased cognitive function during the day, further complicating the victim’s ability to cope with their emotions and daily challenges.
The Impact on Trauma and Healing
Reinforcing the Trauma:
Holding onto resentment can reinforce the original trauma experienced during the scam. Instead of processing the event and beginning to heal, the victim continually reopens the emotional wounds, preventing closure. This repeated emotional turmoil can deepen the trauma, making it more difficult to recover.
The fixation on the money mule, whether they were knowingly involved or not, can serve as a constant reminder of the victim’s vulnerability and the betrayal they experienced. This can lead to a state of hypervigilance, where the victim remains on constant alert for potential threats, further entrenching the trauma.
Inhibiting Emotional Healing:
Resentment acts as a barrier to healing because it keeps the victim focused on the past rather than the present. To heal from trauma, it is essential to process the emotions associated with the event, learn from the experience, and gradually move forward. However, resentment ties the victim to the negative emotions of the past, making it difficult to find peace and acceptance.
Emotional healing requires a shift in focus—from what was lost to what can be regained. Letting go of resentment allows the victim to reclaim their sense of self and agency, empowering them to rebuild their life without the shadow of past hurts dominating their thoughts and actions.
Impact on Relationships:
The burden of resentment can spill over into the victim’s other relationships, affecting their ability to connect with others. The mistrust and bitterness nurtured by resentment can make it challenging to form new bonds or maintain existing ones. This isolation can further exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair, making the trauma more difficult to overcome.
Victims may also project their anger onto others, leading to conflict and strained relationships. The inability to let go of resentment can create a cycle of negativity that permeates all aspects of the victim’s life, making it harder to find the support and understanding needed for healing.
Letting Go and Moving Forward
Letting go of resentment is a crucial step in the healing process.
Here are some strategies to help victims move past these negative feelings:
Accepting that You are the Victim of a Crime: Accepting that this was a crime and that law enforcement is involved can make it easier to move forward.
Acknowledge the Complexity: Understand that the situation is not black and white. The person who received the money might have been as much a victim as you were. They might have been manipulated, coerced, or deceived into their role.
Focus on Recovery: Redirect your energy toward your own recovery. This might include seeking support from friends, family, or professional service providers and counselors who specialize in helping scam victims. By focusing on rebuilding your life and emotional well-being, you can regain a sense of control.
Accept the Uncertainty: Accept that you may never know the full truth about the money mule’s involvement. Embrace the uncertainty and choose to focus on what you can control—your own healing and moving forward.
Forgiveness as a Tool for Healing: While it may be difficult, consider forgiveness—not necessarily for the sake of the money mule, but for your own peace of mind. Forgiving doesn’t mean condoning what happened; it means releasing the hold that anger and resentment have on your life.
Seek Justice through Legal Channels: If you feel the need for justice, work with law enforcement only, not with anti-scam organizations that say they specialize in scam recovery. Only law enforcement can investigate the matter further, but it’s important to keep your expectations realistic and not let this pursuit dominate your life. Also, do not try to contact the money mule directly as this can disrupt any opportunity for potential prosecution.
Focus on Education and Prevention: Turn your experience into a positive by educating yourself and then others about the dangers of relationship scams.
Understanding the significant impact that resentment can have on both mental and physical health is the first step toward letting go. Releasing resentment is not about condoning what happened or forgetting the pain, but about freeing oneself from the negative emotions that can hold back recovery. By focusing on self-care, seeking support, and gradually shifting focus from past grievances to future possibilities, victims can begin to heal and regain control over their lives. Letting go of resentment is a powerful step toward reclaiming peace, well-being, and the ability to move forward with resilience and strength.
Summary
Resentment toward money mules is a natural response to the pain of being scammed, but it can be a heavy burden to carry. Recognizing the complexity of the situation, accepting that the truth may never be fully known, and choosing to focus on your own recovery can help you move forward. Letting go of this resentment isn’t about excusing what happened—it’s about freeing yourself from the negative emotions that keep you tied to the past and allowing yourself to heal and rebuild your life.
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Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
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All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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I was an unwitting victim of money mule. I was manipulated into believing that I was helping “them/he/she” to pay off the taxes owed. When I realized that it was fraud, I cut off all contacts. The criminals stalked me on social media through friends and family then sent me death threats to coerce me to contact them. I felt horrible and got quite sick. I am not anywhere near recovery but I’m on my way when I found SCARS so I can put words together to describe what had happened to me. Thank you.