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Secrets Can Be Deadly For Scam Victims – Scam Victim Recovery Psychology

Authors:
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Vianey Gonzalez – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

Unmasking the Burden of Secrecy: How Keeping Secrets Deepens the Trauma for Scam Victims

The experience of falling victim to a scam can be profoundly traumatic. Scam victims often grapple with a wide range of emotions, from anger and humiliation to betrayal and loss. Amidst this turmoil, many victims also carry an additional, heavy burden—the burden of keeping their victimhood a secret. This article explores the damaging impact that keeping secrets can have on people, especially those struggling to recover from the trauma of a scam.

The Trauma of Falling Victim to a Scam

Scams, whether they are romance scams, investment fraud (pig butchering scams,) phone scams, or phishing schemes, inflict significant emotional and financial damage on their victims. The trauma of falling victim to a scam is very underestimated both by victims and the public, as outsiders might perceive it as a simple financial setback, victims know the incredible pain shame, and guilt these crimes bring. However, the emotional toll is profound and can be just as debilitating as any other traumatic experience.

  1. Emotional Impact: Scam victims often experience emotions such as shock, anger, embarrassment, and guilt. These emotions can be overwhelming, leading to depression, anxiety, complex grief, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
  2. Financial Loss: The financial consequences of a scam can be devastating. Victims may lose their life savings, their homes, and their sense of financial security.
  3. Relationship Strain: Scams can strain or even rupture relationships, especially in cases of romance scams. Victims may feel isolated and abandoned by those who were once close to them.
  4. Loss of Trust: Scam victims often lose trust not only in scammers but in themselves. They may blame themselves for falling for the scam, further deepening the emotional turmoil.
  5. Suicide: As many as 20 scam victims take their life a day because they can no longer shoulder the burden of these crimes – their impact and the secrets they carry.

Secrets: A Hidden Trauma Within Trauma

Keeping the victimhood a secret adds another layer of complexity to the trauma experienced by scam victims. These secrets, often born out of shame or fear, inflict substantial damage of their own – and prevent victims from achieving any real recovery:

  1. Isolation: Keeping a scam victimhood a secret isolates individuals from their support networks. They are forced to bear the emotional burden alone, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Victims may fear judgment or ridicule, causing them to withdraw from friends and family.
  2. Suppression of Emotions: By keeping their experience hidden, victims may suppress their emotions, avoiding discussions and confrontations related to the scam. This emotional suppression can hinder the healing process, as acknowledgment and expression of feelings are essential for recovery.
  3. Deepening Shame: The shame associated with falling for a scam is further intensified when victims keep their victimhood a secret. They may believe that disclosing their experience will only magnify their shame and humiliation, leading to an overwhelming sense of guilt. Of course, this is generally wrong.
  4. Prolonged Recovery: Keeping the victimhood a secret can prolong the recovery process by months or year. Victims may struggle to come to terms with their experience, address their emotions, and seek the support they desperately need.
  5. Increased Vulnerability: By not disclosing their victimhood, individuals remain vulnerable to further scams. Scammers may continue to target them, exploiting their isolation and emotional distress.
  6. Death & Increased Injury: Victims often feel like they have no way out and that suicide is their only option. But even if they do not consider that option, the burden of secrecy can lead to anxiety and other disorders. It is essential to find a healthy way to let it go while working with professionals that have the victim’s best interests constantly in mind.

Breaking Free from the Burden of Secrecy

Recognizing the damage caused by keeping secrets is a critical step in the recovery process for scam victims. It is essential to acknowledge the trauma, both from the scam itself and from the burden of secrecy, and seek ways to break free from it:

  1. Open Up to Trusted Individuals: Scam victims should reach out to individuals they trust, such as close friends or family members. Sharing the experience with supportive, non-judgmental people can help alleviate the emotional burden and reduce isolation.
  2. Professional Help: Seeking the guidance of a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, is vital. Professionals can provide tools and strategies to cope with trauma and assist in navigating the recovery process. You can find suitable trauma counselor or therapists here: counseling.AgainstScams.org
  3. Support Groups: Many scam victims find solace and understanding in support groups specifically designed for scam victims. These groups create a safe space for individuals to share their experiences, emotions, and recovery journeys. But support groups only work if the victim can open up with other victims. To sign up for SCARS free, confidential, and professional support groups visit: support.AgainstScams.org
  4. Legal Action: For some scam victims, pursuing legal action against scammers (and money mules) can be a way to regain control and seek justice. Legal professionals can guide victims through this process. Bankruptcy is another option for many victims and should be explored with a bankruptcy attorney.
  5. Embracing Self-Compassion: It is essential for scam victims to practice self-compassion and self-forgiveness. Recognizing that falling victim to a scam does not define their worth is a crucial step in the healing process.
  6. Raising Awareness: Speaking out about scams and victim experiences can be empowering. Scam victims who become advocates can help raise awareness and educate others, reducing the stigma associated with scam victimhood. However, victims need to work with an organization such as SCARS so they can make the best use of their time and learn what they need to be truly effective.

Remember

The trauma of falling victim to a scam is not limited to financial loss; it encompasses profound emotional and psychological damage. Keeping the victimhood a secret intensifies this trauma by isolating individuals, suppressing emotions, and deepening shame. Recognizing the damage caused by secrecy is essential for scam victims on the path to recovery.

Breaking free from the burden of secrecy requires opening up to trusted individuals, seeking professional help, and engaging with support groups. It also involves practicing self-compassion, embracing forgiveness, and becoming advocates for scam awareness. By shedding the secrecy and seeking support, scam victims can begin the journey toward healing and recovery, ultimately reclaiming their lives from the trauma of scams.

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery

If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and not to blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and help victims avoid scams in the future. At times, this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims; we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens, and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org

SCARS INSTITUTE RESOURCES:

IF YOU HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED BY A SCAM OR CYBERCRIME

♦ If you are a victim of scams, go to www.ScamVictimsSupport.org for real knowledge and help

♦ Enroll in SCARS Scam Survivor’s School now at www.SCARSeducation.org

♦ To report criminals, visit https://reporting.AgainstScams.org – we will NEVER give your data to money recovery companies like some do!

♦ Follow us and find our podcasts, webinars, and helpful videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RomancescamsNowcom

♦ Learn about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org

♦ Dig deeper into the reality of scams, fraud, and cybercrime at www.ScamsNOW.com and www.RomanceScamsNOW.com

♦ Scam Survivor’s Stories: www.ScamSurvivorStories.org

♦ For Scam Victim Advocates visit www.ScamVictimsAdvocates.org

♦ See more scammer photos on www.ScammerPhotos.com

You can also find the SCARS Institute on Facebook, Instagram, X, LinkedIn, and TruthSocial

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair, please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.

More ScamsNOW.com Articles

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches, but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

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4 Comments

  1. Lynn May 19, 2025 at 10:46 pm - Reply

    I’m finally feeling comfortable enough, or I should say healed enough, to talk about my ordeal with a few close friends. My experience in doing so has been amazing. They’re supportive and empathetic. Reaching out to check on me, understanding that healing from this trauma is not linear and that they’re available if I need someone to talk to.
    Up until recently, I’ve only let a handful of family members and 1 other friend in on “my secret.” I was afraid of how I would react if I was judged or questioned in any non-supportive way. Reading through SCARS articles on how and what to disclose was immensely helpful.

  2. Tamara Hall March 18, 2025 at 6:23 pm - Reply

    I found this article very encouraging.

  3. Wendy March 16, 2025 at 8:33 pm - Reply

    When I “woke up” and realized what had happened that I had experienced a scam (fraud)/crime I kept it to myself. I had blocked the criminal but eventually opened the door again. That was a mistake because then the grooming for becoming a money mule began. I had processed a police report when I became aware again, went through a family event and the money mule attempt happened over the next two months while I continued to wait to hear from local law enforcement. By the end of November 2024 the criminals tried to gaslight me into believing I was going out of my mind. I blocked them again. But through email the original criminal worked to get me back. When I reluctantly downloaded Zangi again that was when the criminal(s) were the most derogatory, using filthy language and allegations plus trying to get me to believe that I was breaking the criminal’s heart. I confronted them about trying to make me a money mule. When it was denied and there was more filthy allegations I blocked them, deleted the app and left everything alone. All that time I never spoke with my husband about the fraud. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. Not only was I aware of what the criminals wanted, I was still at that time in contact with them and hiding it from my husband. That is why it is heartbreaking that he is treating me so well after learning of the fraud. I am happy that he is supporting me through my recovery, but it still hurts because I know I hurt him by not confiding in him sooner.
    SSSTES

  4. Anonymous August 31, 2024 at 10:10 am - Reply

    When I first realized I got scammed I had a lot of feelings of depression and hurt. I didn’t know how to handle it at first so I ended up just confronting the scammer, which in hindsight probably wasn’t the best decision. This was before I found and later contacted SCARS and joined the survivors class. I also kept it from my family and didn’t want to tell them what happened in part because they warned me about the scammer before he took my money. I eventually did tell a couple friends and acquaintances what happened but its now been 6 months and I still haven’t told my family about the scam. I’m sure they suspect or have an idea what happened because I also posted about it on reddit but I still am not comfortable sharing the scam part my family.

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