Scam Victims Will Never Be The Same – A Harsh Truth
The First Step in Healing is Understanding How These Crimes Affect Their Victims – and Accepting It!
Recovery Psychology
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
In the aftermath of falling victim to scams, many individuals defiantly proclaim, “I won’t let the scam define me!” or “I refuse to let it affect me!”
Yet, these assertions, though spoken with conviction, often veil a deeper truth. Each scam victim is intimately connected to the events they’ve endured, and denying this connection hinders their journey toward healing. The impact of scams, whether financial or emotional, lingers long after the initial deception.
Denial, a coping mechanism for scam victims, perpetuates a cycle of suffering and victimization. To break free, victims must confront the truth, seek support, and embrace their resilience.
By acknowledging their experiences and seeking help, victims can transform into survivors, reclaiming their power and agency. It’s time to confront the pain, honor the journey, and emerge stronger than before.
So Many Scam Victims Say They Will Not Let The Scam Define Them! Or They Will Not Let The Scam Affect Them!
We are Sorry to Tell them this, but These are False Statements – they are Statements of Denial!
Each scam victim is exactly what has happened to them, and they will always be that. However, let us explain!
Facing the Truth: How Scam Victims Can Embrace Healing and Recovery
In the wake of becoming a victim of scams, it’s common to hear defiant declarations from those affected:
“I won’t let the scam define me!” or “I refuse to let it affect me!“
These statements, though spoken with conviction, often serve as a shield against the painful truth lurking beneath the surface. The reality is that each scam victim is intricately intertwined with the events that have transpired, and denying this connection only prolongs the journey toward healing and recovery.
The Changes
The crime that each scam victim experienced is a part of their history. It affected their financial future, so the choices available to them now are different than what they would have been.
But more importantly, almost every scam victim experienced trauma, that many want to deny. That is fine, but trauma never goes away. Trauma remains in their mind and body, and it can reemerge when triggered. If this has not happened to a specific victim, that is great, but that potential always remains.
No one comes out of these experiences as the same person they once were – this is the reality of life. Every experience good or bad changes us. Believing that it is not true is denial or worse.
Hear the Truth
It’s a harsh reality to accept, but the first step towards true healing is acknowledging the profound impact that scams have on victims’ lives.
Whether it’s a financial scam that drains one’s savings, a romance scam that shatters trust and leaves emotional scars, or a cybercrime that violates privacy and security, the repercussions of falling prey to deceit are far-reaching and enduring. Each scam victim carries the weight of their experience, and denying its significance only serves to bury the pain deeper.
It is important to recognize that each scam victim is now a different person than they were before, and they always will be. However, the can be better, smarter, wiser, and a more capable person than they were before. They can be a survivor, but they cannot be a survivor unless they acknowledge what they survived!
They have learned many things about these crimes and are now better prepared to avoid them in the future too.
The Psychology of Victimhood
To understand why statements of denial are counterproductive, it’s essential to delve into the psychology of victimhood.
Denial serves as a coping mechanism and offers temporary relief from the overwhelming emotions that accompany being scammed.
By refusing to acknowledge the full extent of the harm inflicted, victims create a buffer zone that shields them from confronting their vulnerabilities and shortcomings. However, this protective barrier also prevents them from accessing the support and resources needed to facilitate healing and recovery. In other words, this kind of denial is a trap that holds the victim in place.
Furthermore, denial perpetuates a cycle of victimization, allowing scammers to continue their nefarious activities unchecked. When victims dismiss their experiences as inconsequential or unworthy of attention, they inadvertently enable perpetrators to prey upon others with impunity. The fact is that most victims will not report these crimes, and one of the strange reasons for this (other than shame and guilt) is this denial that it does not affect victims unless they let it.
By breaking free from the grip of denial and speaking out about their experiences, victims not only reclaim their agency but also contribute to raising awareness and preventing future victimization.
Trying to Reclaim Their Life the Wrong Way
Scam victims often find themselves trapped in denial of their pain, convincing themselves that they are fine and don’t need help.
Often this comes later – some months after the scam is over – but it can come early too!
One of the primary reasons for this denial is the desire to maintain a facade of normalcy and avoid showing their trauma to others.
Fitting in with family, friends, and colleagues becomes paramount for scam victims, who fear being perceived as weak or incompetent if they admit to struggling. They may worry about burdening loved ones with their problems or facing judgment and stigma from their social circles. As a result, they suppress their feelings, put on a brave face, and carry on as if nothing has happened.
Also, the pressure to maintain their professional life adds another layer of complexity to the situation. Scam victims fear repercussions at work if they reveal their vulnerability or seek assistance. They worry about being seen as unreliable or incapable of handling their responsibilities, which could jeopardize their job security or career advancement. Yet, in reality, by not getting the help they need, their trauma almost assures poor work performance.
In essence, the denial of needing help stems from a deep-seated fear of being ostracized or marginalized by the people they know. Scam victims strive to uphold the illusion of normalcy to preserve their social status and avoid the stigma associated with victimhood. However, this denial only serves to exacerbate their suffering, as it prevents them from accessing the support and resources they desperately need to heal.
How to Shake Free of This Denial
How can scam victims begin to embrace healing and recovery in the face of such denial?
The answer lies in facing the truth head-on and seeking support from trusted allies and professionals who will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. Far too many people tell victims that they are just fine and that they will easily make it through this. However, the sad fact is that most victims never recover from these crimes because they do not let themselves recover.
Scam victims do not need encouragement, they need the truth – hard as it is to face. These crimes cause serious injuries, that in many cases will stay with the victim their whole life. This is simply the nature of trauma. If traumatized scam victims do not learn to manage their trauma, it will manage them.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the first step towards liberation, allowing scam survivors to shed the burden of shame and guilt that often accompanies being scammed. By acknowledging the impact of their experiences, survivors can begin to unravel the tangled knot of emotions and beliefs that hold them captive.
The most important thing for every scam victim to understand is that they remain vulnerable to scams and that means they have to always be vigilant to spot them before they are trapped again. That they were traumatized and both emotionally and psychologically affected is just reality. They may think they are just fine, and that is excellent, as long as they are not lying to themselves.
Moving Forward
Additionally, seeking out support groups and counseling services can provide a safe space for victims to process their feelings and rebuild their lives. Connecting with others who have walked a similar path can offer validation and solidarity, reminding victims that they are not alone in their struggles. Professional guidance can also equip victims with the tools and strategies needed to navigate the complexities of recovery and reclaim a sense of control over their lives.
Remember
Denial serves as a barrier to healing for scam victims, perpetuating a cycle of victimization and suffering. By acknowledging the profound impact of scams on their lives and seeking support from trusted allies and professionals, victims can break free from the grip of denial and embrace a path toward healing and recovery and becoming survivors.
The only way to make it into a better future is for scam victims to always be honest with themselves about what happened and the effect that it has had on their lives and minds. If they can do that then they will have recovered well, but if they cannot then there will be problems in the future.
It’s time to face the truth, confront the pain, and reclaim the power and agency that scammers stole from their victims.
Afterthought
All of that is well and good, but consider for a moment those victims who had the sense of reality to move forward, seek help, and begin walking the path of recovery! Unbelievably hard though it was or is.
Isn’t that the definition of courage?
Seeing adversity and doing what needs to be done regardless of the pain and difficulty? This is what makes them a true survivor.
Why would anyone want to pretend that they are not that, and just forget their amazing journey denying that anything stayed with them?
Be PROUD of your struggle. Be proud of the pain you survived, and if you are not yet finished know that you will if you commit to it.
If a scam victim can do this, they transform into something more than they were! They are a survivor and the hero of their own epic hero’s journey!
Be proud of your scars!
Now that is a story worth telling!
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
More Related Information:
- Actionable Steps For Scam Victims To Create Resilience & Recover After A Scam 2024 (scamsnow.com)
- Overconfidence And Scam Victims’ Susceptibility To Scams – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
- SCARS Emotional Scam Victims’ Support & Recovery Program – Turning Them Into Scam Survivors 2024 (scamsnow.com)
- Dear Scam Victim Family & Friends – You Are Also Scam Victims – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
- Reclaiming Your Worth: A Scam Survivor’s Guide to Navigating Your Worthiness After a Scam – 2023 (scamsnow.com)
- Fear Of Contagion: Why Scam Victims Are Harshly Judged And Blamed 2023 (scamsnow.com)
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
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No doubt the scam traumatized me. It left me in quite a bit of pain not to mention the financial loss but also the loss of a relationship I thought was real. Through SCARS Institute, I am better prepared and have grown as a result of the scam. I am where I was meant to be.
There is no doubt in my mind that my scam experience changed me. I don’t like it and looking forward to better days ahead.
This is very true! I can see myself changing as I learned why and how the scam happened. At the end, I am thankful for the scars left after this experience, because I am getting better, different, more wise, and stronger person.