You Hate Being Told What To Do? How Your Rebellious Mentality Can Sabotage Your Recovery

Why People Who Hate Being Told What to Do Can Sabotage Their Recovery

Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology

Author:
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D., DFin, MCPO, MAnth – Anthropologist, Scientist, Polymath, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

About This Article

Many people hate being told what to do, especially after experiencing betrayal, manipulation, or emotional trauma. That rebellious instinct feels natural, but it often sabotages your recovery. You might reject advice, resist support, or take the harder path just to prove your independence, even when it keeps you stuck. As Dostoevsky described, people often act against reason just to assert their freedom. After a scam, that mindset grows stronger, leaving you defensive and isolated. Recovery is not about control. It is about learning from those with real experience. You deserve healing, but ignoring guidance out of pride only delays your progress.

Note: This article is intended for informational purposes and does not replace professional medical advice. If you are experiencing distress, please consult a qualified mental health professional.

Do You Hate Being Told What to Do? Why That Rebellious Mentality Can Sabotage Your Recovery

A lot of people hate being told what to do. It is one of the most common, stubborn reactions you see in everyday life. You probably know the feeling yourself. Someone gives you instructions, advice, or expectations, and immediately, a part of you resists. It does not always matter what the instructions are. You feel that quiet, rebellious voice in your head saying, “I’ll do the opposite, just because I can.”

This response shows up everywhere. It happens in families, friendships, workplaces, and especially during times of stress or emotional pain. If you have been betrayed, manipulated, or harmed, that reaction often grows even stronger. You resist suggestions, even reasonable ones, because deep down, you want to protect your freedom, even if it costs you stability or peace of mind.

This attitude is especially common among scam victims. After going through a scam, you already feel controlled, deceived, and emotionally cornered. So when someone offers advice about how to heal, how to move forward, or how to protect yourself, it triggers that rebellious instinct. You might find yourself thinking, “Don’t tell me what to do. I’ll figure it out my way.”

That reaction is natural. It is also one of the biggest obstacles standing between you and recovery.

The Rebellious Voice in All of Us

Fyodor Dostoevsky explored this very mentality in his work ‘Notes from the Underground.‘ He describes the part of human nature that deliberately resists logic, reason, and even personal well-being, simply to assert independent choice. According to Dostoevsky, people will often “stubbornly, wilfully go off on another difficult, absurd way, seeking the darkness.” Why? Because they hate being told how to live.

It sounds illogical, but it is deeply human. You want to leave your mark on the world, even if that mark comes from choosing the harder, more destructive path. You might think back to times in your life when you acted against your own interests, simply because someone expected you to do something different. You knew the consequences. You saw the better option. Yet you took the opposite route, because at least that path felt like your own.

Dostoevsky captures this mindset perfectly. “A man is ready to act in opposition to all laws of reason, honour, peace, and prosperity, if it means that he gains what is dearer to him: free, unfettered choice, one’s own fancy, however wild it may be.” You want freedom more than comfort. You want control more than guaranteed results. Even if it hurts you, the feeling of choosing for yourself can feel worth the cost.

How This Mentality Shows Up After a Scam

If you are a scam victim, this rebellious instinct often feels stronger than ever. Scammers manipulated your emotions, your decisions, and your trust. They took away your sense of control. That leaves you angry, defensive, and unwilling to listen when someone offers direction, even when it is intended to help.

You might hear recovery advice and immediately reject it. You tell yourself, “They don’t understand me.” You assume that following a recovery process means giving up your independence again. The truth is, recovery only works when you choose it willingly. Nobody can force you to heal, but ignoring sound advice out of spite only delays your ability to rebuild.

You have every right to feel cautious after what happened to you. You do not have to accept every piece of advice. You should question what you hear. At the same time, you need to recognize when your resistance comes from that old, rebellious voice rather than your genuine best interest.

The Danger of Choosing the Difficult, Absurd Path

Dostoevsky’s warning still applies today. You may think that taking the harder, less logical route makes you strong or independent. In reality, it often makes life more painful and complicated than necessary.

Refusing guidance during recovery is a perfect example. You might believe that doing everything on your own protects your independence, but isolation keeps you trapped in fear, shame, and confusion. You avoid support groups, resources, or educational tools because you resent the idea that someone else might “tell you what to do.” The longer you stay in that mindset, the harder recovery becomes.

Scam recovery is already challenging. It involves rebuilding your identity, managing grief, and restoring your emotional balance. Adding rebellion into the mix only increases the struggle. You waste time fighting the very steps that could help you regain control. You take the “difficult, absurd way, seeking the darkness” not because it helps, but because you want to prove that your choices are still your own.

You need to ask yourself: is the path you are choosing truly your own, or are you reacting to fear and resentment?

There is a difference between independent thinking and self-sabotage.

Why You Hate Being Told What to Do

There are real reasons behind this instinct. You hate being told what to do because:

• You fear losing control again.
• You associate guidance with criticism or judgment.
• You want to reclaim power after feeling deceived.
• You believe your situation is unique, so outside advice feels irrelevant.
• You resent the emotional vulnerability that comes with accepting help.

These feelings are valid, but they cloud your judgment. You end up rejecting good information simply because it feels uncomfortable to follow someone else’s suggestions.

The rebellious mindset feels empowering at first. You feel strong when you say “I’ll do it my way.” Over time, though, it can trap you in the same emotional cycle that keeps you stuck. The truth is, recovery does not strip away your independence. It gives you new tools to make better choices. You can still choose your path, but ignoring reliable information only delays your progress.

We Provide Information, Not Orders

You need to hear this clearly. Nobody can force you to recover. You have to choose that for yourself. We do not tell you what to do. We provide information, resources, and proven strategies that help people rebuild after scams, betrayal, or emotional trauma.

You decide how and when to use that information. You can engage with the tools, apply the steps, or explore different approaches on your own terms. Recovery is not about control. It is about understanding your options and taking action when you feel ready.

We understand that rebellious voice inside you. We know what it feels like to resist advice. We also know that clinging to that resistance keeps you stuck in the pain you are trying to escape. At some point, you have to decide whether protecting your pride matters more than building your future.

No one truly cares if you recover, not even your own brain. Your brain cares about comfort, not growth. It will lie to you, distract you, and steer you toward whatever feels easiest in the moment, even when that keeps you stuck. Sadly, even your friends and family do not always care if you actually recover. Most of them just want to see you smile, act normal, or seem less sad. Your brain will happily play along, giving you temporary relief while pulling you further away from real recovery. Only you can decide to recover from this crime or not. All we can do is offer you the information you need.

Begin with www.ScamVictimsSupport.org

he continue learning at the SCARS Institute’s Scam Survivor’s School at www.SCARSeducation.org

The Way Forward

You can hold on to your independence and still make smart choices. You can reject control without rejecting wisdom. Recovery does not demand blind obedience. It requires awareness, patience, and the willingness to face your emotions with honesty.

Ask yourself:

• Are you resisting guidance because it feels controlling, or because it challenges your pride?
• Are you choosing a harder path because it truly helps you, or because you want to avoid feeling vulnerable?
• Are you delaying recovery just to prove that nobody can tell you what to do?

These questions help you separate healthy independence from harmful rebellion. They remind you that acting against your own well-being is not strength. It is a reaction to pain, fear, and frustration.

You deserve better than that. You deserve recovery, peace, and emotional stability. Nobody can give those things to you, but you can choose to pursue them without letting rebellion sabotage your efforts.

Final Thoughts

You are allowed to resist advice. You are allowed to question what you hear. You are not obligated to follow anyone’s plan blindly. At the same time, rejecting every suggestion out of spite only hurts you.

The rebellious voice in your head is part of being human. Dostoevsky understood it. You understand it. The real challenge is learning when to listen to that voice, and when to set it aside so you can make choices that actually serve your healing.

We wish you the best, whether you use the information provided or not. Recovery is your choice. You do not have to follow orders. You do have to face the truth: ignoring good advice out of pride keeps you stuck longer than necessary. You deserve better than that. You deserve to move forward, one honest, intentional choice at a time.

Remember

You need to remember that you are not an expert in psychology, trauma, or victim recovery. That is not an insult. It is simply reality. You would not expect yourself to perform surgery, fix your car’s engine, or build a house without proper training. Recovery is no different. It takes experience, knowledge, and understanding of how trauma affects the mind and how healing actually works. You cannot figure it out alone, especially when your thinking is clouded by pain, fear, or self-doubt. That is why it matters to listen to people who truly understand the process. Listen to those who have studied the patterns, worked with victims, and helped people through the hard parts of recovery. You do not have to agree with everything you hear, but ignoring qualified guidance will only slow your progress.

Recovery is already difficult. You make it harder when you refuse to learn from those professionals who know what works. Stay open. Listen to experience. Give yourself the advantage of real understanding, not just guesswork.

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