Are You Crazy? How Would You Know?

This is THE QUESTION: “Am I Crazy?” – that Almost Every Scam Victim Asks Themselves at Some Point After the Scam Ends

Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology

Intended Audience: Scam Victims-Survivors

Author:
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

About This Article

As a scam victim grappling with the trauma of a scam, you might fear you’re going crazy, wondering if you’re lost in denial, avoidance, or a comforting fantasy. You’re not alone, and you’re not losing your mind—trauma from a scammer’s betrayal, hiding harmful intent like a deceptive figure, can cloud your perception, making it hard to know what’s real. A seven-step assessment can help you test your grounding: document your reality, compare beliefs to evidence, seek outside perspectives, evaluate emotions, assess daily functioning, test decision-making, and engage in reality-testing rituals.

Each step reveals if you’re anchored in truth or drifting, offering clarity on denial (I couldn’t admit the money was gone, a victim shared), avoidance, or fantasy. If disconnected, small steps like facing facts or seeking support can reconnect you; if grounded, rituals and community strengthen your clarity. By choosing reality over illusion, using grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 method, and embracing small wins, you can heal, rebuild trust in yourself, and reclaim a life rooted in truth, overcoming the scam’s devastating impact.

This is THE QUESTION: “Am I Crazy?” – that Almost Every Scam Victim Asks Themselves at Some Point After the Scam Ends

This is something most scam victims have asked themselves at some point as they go through the effects of trauma on their minds.

Psychologists do not use the word ‘Crazy,’ but scam victims do, and that is the reason we use it here.

For most, the mere thought of that question is terrifying. “Am I going crazy?” “Am I mentally ill?” “Do I have a disorder?” “How do I survive this?”

Yes, that question is never far from the edge of your mind as you experience the worst of trauma’s symptoms.

Sadly, the answer to that question is not easy to give you, since so many victim refuse to address the reality of their situation. However, perhaps this going can help you come to an understanding of where you are.

The Begining

After a scam shatters your trust, leaving you with deep psychological wounds, you might question whether you’re truly grounded in reality. As a scam victim, you could worry that trauma has pulled you into denial, avoidance, or a comforting fantasy, making it hard to distinguish what’s real. You’re not losing your mind, but the betrayal by someone who hid harmful intent behind a trusted facade can cloud your perception, leaving you unsure if you’re living in truth or illusion.

This guide offers you, a traumatized scam victim, a clear, step-by-step assessment to test how grounded you are in reality. You’ll learn a practical process to evaluate your mental clarity, identify signs of disconnection, and take steps to reconnect with the truth, empowering you to navigate your recovery with confidence and rebuild a life rooted in reality.

Understanding Trauma’s Effect on Your Reality

A scam, whether a romance fraud that stole your heart and savings or a phishing scheme that exposed your identity, inflicts severe trauma, disrupting how your brain processes the world. The scammer, like a deceptive figure cloaking malicious intent, exploits your trust, leaving you to question not just others but your own sense of reality. “It’s like waking up in a fog, unsure what’s solid ground”, capturing the disorientation trauma brings.

Trauma can push you into coping mechanisms that distort reality. Denial might have you insisting The scammer didn’t mean to hurt me, avoiding the truth of their deceit. Avoidance could lead you to sidestep financial realities or conversations about the fraud, as facing them feels too painful. Fantasy might trap you in a comforting narrative, like believing the scammer will return your money, because it’s easier than accepting loss. These responses are your mind’s attempt to protect you, but they can disconnect you from reality, leaving you wondering if you’re grounded or adrift.

As a scam victim, you need a way to test your connection to reality, especially when trauma makes you feel like you’re losing your grip. The following step-by-step assessment is designed to help you evaluate how well you’re anchored in truth, identify where you might be slipping into distortion, and take action to stay grounded. Each step builds on the last, offering a clear path to assess your mental state and foster recovery.

Are You Avoiding Reality?

Avoidance is another trauma response, where you sidestep anything that reminds you of the scam to escape the pain. You might avoid checking your bank account, ignore emails about fraud protection, or change the subject when friends ask about your finances. This feels comforting but can trap you in a cycle of disconnection, where you’re not fully engaging with your life. To test if you’re avoiding reality, consider these approaches:

Begin by tracking your daily habits for a week. Note moments when you dodge tasks or conversations related to the scam, like skipping bills, refusing to discuss your loss, or procrastinating on financial recovery steps. If you find yourself saying “I’ll deal with it later repeatedly”, you’re likely avoiding reality, letting the trauma keep you from facing the present.

Try a small, deliberate action tied to the scam, like reviewing your bank statement or reading a fraud prevention article. Pay attention to your emotions as you do this. If you feel intense anxiety, dread, or an urge to stop, “It was like my chest tightened just looking at the numbers”, it’s a sign you’re avoiding the truth to protect yourself. This discomfort is a clue that your mind is steering you away from reality.

Engage in a guided reflection. Sit quietly and ask yourself, “What am I afraid to face about the scam?” Write down your thoughts without judgment. If you uncover fears, like admitting you were deceived or facing financial ruin, you’re likely avoiding these truths. Acknowledging them, even in private, can help you start confronting reality, a crucial step toward healing.

Are You Living in a Fantasy?

Living in a fantasy is a coping mechanism where you create a comforting narrative to escape the scam’s harsh truth. You might believe the scammer was genuine, that you’ll recover your money through a miracle, or that the fraud didn’t really happen. This fantasy feels safe, letting you avoid the pain of betrayal, but it keeps you disconnected from reality. To test if you’re living in a fantasy, try these methods:

Reflect on the story you tell yourself about the scam. Do you imagine the scammer still cares, or that a big payout is coming? Write this story down, then compare it to the evidence: no contact, no repayments, or proof of fraud, like a fake profile. If your story contradicts the facts, “I kept believing he’d come back, despite everything”, you’re likely in a fantasy, holding onto a narrative that soothes but deceives.

Test your willingness to let go of the fantasy. Imagine accepting the scam as real—say, that the scammer lied and the money is gone. How does this feel? If it triggers panic, grief, or resistance, “I couldn’t bear to think it was all fake”, your mind is clinging to a fantasy to avoid pain. This emotional reaction signals you’re living in a constructed reality, not the truth.

Seek a reality check through journaling. Each day, write one fact about the scam, like “The scammer used a stolen photo” or “I lost $100,000″. If this feels unbearable or you resist writing certain truths, you’re likely protecting a fantasy. Gradually facing these facts can help you shift from illusion to reality, easing you out of the comforting but dysfunctional narrative.

Is Your Mind Dysfunctional?

A dysfunctional mind, in this context, means your thoughts and behaviors no longer align with reality, impairing your ability to function healthily. After a scam, trauma can push you into patterns—denial, avoidance, fantasy, that disrupt your daily life, relationships, or decision-making. To test if your mind is dysfunctional, use these strategies:

Assess your daily functioning. Over a week, note if you’re struggling with basic tasks, like paying bills, maintaining relationships, or making decisions. If you’re neglecting responsibilities, withdrawing from friends, or feeling paralyzed, “I stopped answering calls because I couldn’t face questions”, your mind may be dysfunctional, trapped in trauma’s grip.

Evaluate your emotional state. Are you constantly anxious, numb, or detached from reality? Try a mindfulness exercise: sit quietly for five minutes, focusing on your breath, and observe your thoughts. If you feel disconnected, overwhelmed by intrusive scam-related thoughts, or unable to focus, it’s a sign your mind isn’t functioning healthily. “I felt like I was floating, not really here”, indicating a dysfunctional state.

Test your decision-making. Make a small, low-stakes choice, like choosing a meal or scheduling an appointment, and notice your process. If you feel paralyzed, second-guess excessively, or avoid deciding, “I couldn’t even pick a restaurant without panicking”, your mind may be impaired by trauma, struggling to process reality effectively.

Choosing to Stay Sane and Grounded in Reality

After enduring the trauma of a scam, you face a pivotal choice: to let the pain pull you into denial, avoidance, or fantasy, or to consciously anchor yourself in reality and preserve your sanity. Choosing to stay sane means deciding to face the truth, however painful, and rebuild a life grounded in clarity and strength. “I decided I wouldn’t let the scam define me”, reflecting the resolve to reclaim control. You can make this choice, even when trauma makes it feel impossible, by taking deliberate steps to stay connected to reality and foster mental resilience.

Begin by setting an intention each day to engage with the truth. Wake up and tell yourself, “Today, I’ll face one real thing, no matter how small”. This might mean checking your bank balance, acknowledging the scam’s impact, or admitting the scammer’s betrayal. This daily commitment builds a habit of confronting reality, countering the pull of fantasy or denial. “I started saying ‘The money’s gone’ every morning, and it got easier”, showing how small affirmations ground you in truth.

Practice reality-testing rituals to reinforce your sanity. Each week, write down three facts about your life—your address, a recent event, or a financial truth like I have $500 in savings. Then, verify these facts by checking a bill, talking to a friend, or reviewing a document. If your perceptions align with these realities, you’re staying grounded. If they don’t, “I thought I had more money than I did”, it’s a cue to address fantasy or avoidance, strengthening your grip on reality.

Surround yourself with anchors to the present. Spend time with trusted people who reflect reality back to you, like a friend who gently reminds you “The scammer’s gone, but you’re still here”. Engage in tangible activities: cooking a meal, walking in parks, or organizing a drawer, that tether you to the now. “Gardening kept me sane, it was real and solid”, finding stability in routine. These connections help you resist the lure of a dysfunctional mind, keeping you rooted in what’s true.

Embrace emotional honesty as a choice. Allow yourself to feel the grief, anger, or shame of the scam without judgment, but don’t let these emotions define your reality. Write a letter to yourself, expressing your pain and affirming your decision to stay sane: “I’m hurt, but I choose to face the truth and heal”. This act of self-compassion reinforces your agency, helping you reject fantasy’s comfort for reality’s clarity. “Writing it down made me feel in control again”, marking a turning point.

If you feel overwhelmed, use structured decision-making to maintain sanity. When faced with a choice, like responding to an email or making a financial move, pause and list the facts, risks, and benefits. “I listed why I shouldn’t send more money, and it was clear”, using logic to stay grounded. This methodical approach counters trauma’s chaos, ensuring your decisions align with reality, not fear or illusion.

Step-by-Step Assessment to Test Your Grounding in Reality

This assessment consists of seven practical steps, each a tool to measure how aligned your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are with reality. By working through them, you’ll gain insight into whether you’re grounded or caught in trauma-driven patterns, empowering you to reconnect with the truth.

Step 1: Document Your Current Reality

Begin by writing a detailed account of your life as it is today. Sit in a quiet space in your home, grab a notebook, and describe your circumstances: where you live, your financial situation, your relationships, and the scam’s impact. Be specific—note your address, your bank balance, and what happened with the scammer. If you struggle to write certain truths, like “I lost $200,000″ or “The scammer lied”, you might be avoiding reality. “I couldn’t write that the money was gone”, realizing her denial was skewing her perception. If your account aligns with verifiable facts, you’re likely grounded; if it glosses over painful truths, you’re drifting.

Step 2: Compare Beliefs to Evidence

Next, reflect on what you believe about the scam and your life now. Ask yourself questions like “Do I believe the scammer will repay me?” or “Am I still hoping the relationship was real?” Write down these beliefs, then gather evidence to test them. Check your bank records, emails, or messages from the scammer. If your beliefs contradict the evidence—say, you hope for repayment but have no contact or proof—you’re likely clinging to a fantasy. “I believed he’d come back, but his profile was gone”, seeing the gap between hope and reality. A close match between beliefs and evidence shows you’re grounded; a mismatch suggests you’re disconnected.

Step 3: Seek an Outside Perspective

Engage a trusted friend or family member to gain an external view of your reality. Share your account of the scam and your current situation, then ask for their honest feedback. “What do you think really happened?” you might ask, listening without defensiveness. If they highlight inconsistencies—like “You’re acting like the scammer’s still out there, but he’s gone”, it’s a sign you might be in denial or fantasy. “My sister pointed out I was avoiding my bank account”, recognizing her disconnection. If their perspective aligns with yours and the facts, you’re likely grounded; if it challenges your view, you’re drifting.

Step 4: Test Your Emotional Connection to Reality

Your emotions can reveal how grounded you are. Try a mindfulness exercise: sit quietly for ten minutes, focus on your breath, and observe your feelings about the scam. Are you overwhelmed by anxiety, numb, or detached? If you feel disconnected or consumed by intrusive thoughts, “I felt like I was watching my life, not living it”, your emotions may be pulling you from reality. If you can feel pain or grief while staying present, you’re more grounded. To deepen this test, write about your emotions in a journal. If you avoid certain feelings, like shame or anger, you’re likely sidestepping reality.

Step 5: Evaluate Your Daily Functioning

Assess how well you’re managing daily life, as dysfunction can signal a disconnect from reality. For a week, track your ability to handle tasks like paying bills, maintaining relationships, or going to work. Note moments when you neglect responsibilities, withdraw from others, or feel paralyzed. “I stopped opening mail because it scared me”, indicating avoidance. If you’re functioning well, keeping up with routines and engaging with life, you’re likely grounded. If you’re struggling, trauma may be disrupting your connection to reality, pushing you into a dysfunctional state.

Step 6: Test Your Decision-Making Clarity

Your ability to make clear decisions reflects your grounding in reality. Choose a low-stakes decision, like planning a meal or scheduling a doctor’s visit, and observe your process. Do you feel confident, or are you paralyzed by indecision, second-guessing, or fear? “I couldn’t pick a grocery list without panicking”, a victim shared, revealing trauma’s impact. Then, try a scam-related decision, like reviewing a bank statement or contacting a fraud helpline. If you can make choices based on facts without excessive distress, you’re grounded; if you freeze or avoid, you’re likely disconnected, letting trauma cloud your clarity.

Step 7: Engage in a Reality-Testing Ritual

Create a weekly ritual to anchor yourself in reality. Each week, write down three verifiable facts about your life—your address, a recent event, or a financial truth, like “I have $100 in my account”. Verify these by checking a bill, talking to a friend, or reviewing a document. Then, take one small action tied to reality, like paying a bill or discarding a scammer’s old message. If you can complete this ritual consistently, feeling aligned with the facts, “Writing the truth kept me steady”,  you’re grounded. If you resist or feel overwhelmed, you’re likely in denial, avoidance, or fantasy, needing further steps to reconnect.

Acting on Your Assessment Results

Once you’ve completed the assessment, reflect on your findings to understand your grounding. If most steps show alignment—your account matches facts, your beliefs reflect evidence, your emotions and decisions are clear, and you function well—you’re grounded in reality, even if trauma lingers. You can strengthen this by continuing reality-testing rituals and seeking support to process pain.

If several steps reveal disconnection—struggling to write truths, clinging to false beliefs, avoiding tasks, or feeling detached—you’re likely caught in trauma-driven patterns. Don’t judge yourself; this is a normal response to a scam’s betrayal, where the fraudster hid harmful intent behind a trusted mask. Use these insights to take action:

Start small to reconnect with reality. If you’re in denial, write one fact daily, like The scammer lied. If you’re avoiding, face one task, like checking your email. If you’re in a fantasy, journal about the truth, like “The money’s gone. Facing one truth at a time made it bearable”, showing how gradual steps work.

Build a support network. Share your assessment with a trusted friend or join an online scam victim group to gain perspective and validation. “Talking to others who got it helped me see clearly”, finding strength in community. Also, reading the stories of other victim-survivors can help www.ScamSurvivorStories.org

Consider professional help if possible. A counselor can guide you through trauma, helping you process distortions safely. If that’s not an option, self-help resources, like journaling or grounding exercises, can support your journey. You can find lists of therapists and counselors at counseling.AgainstScams.org

Practice grounding techniques daily. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. This pulls you into the present, countering disconnection. “It brought me back from the fog”, finding relief in the moment.

Celebrate small wins to rebuild trust in yourself. Each time you face a truth or make a clear decision, acknowledge it. “Paying one bill felt like a victory”, marking progress. These steps strengthen your grounding, helping you live in reality.

Building a Resilient Mindset

Your assessment is a starting point, not a verdict. Trauma from a scam can make reality feel like a battleground, but you have the power to choose grounding over distortion. Set a daily intention to stay connected to truth, even when it’s painful. “Today, I’ll face what’s real”, you might tell yourself, building a habit of clarity.

Surround yourself with reality anchors—people, routines, or objects that remind you of the present. Spend time with friends who affirm your strength, engage in hobbies like gardening, or keep a photo of a loved one nearby. “My dog’s wagging tail kept me here”, finding stability in simple joys.

Embrace emotional honesty. Allow yourself to feel the scam’s pain, grief, anger, shame, without letting it define you. Write a letter to yourself, affirming your resilience: “I was hurt, but I’m choosing reality”. This reinforces your agency, helping you stay grounded.

Finding the Path to Recovery

You’re not crazy—your mind is responding to severe trauma, and recognizing this is the first step to recovery. If you’ve identified denial, avoidance, fantasy, or dysfunction, you can take practical steps to reconnect with reality and heal. Start by acknowledging your trauma without judgment. “I was scammed, and it hurt me, but I’m not broken”, you might tell yourself, giving yourself permission to feel the pain.

Engage with reality gradually. Open one bank statement, write one fact about the scam, or talk to a trusted friend about your experience. These small actions, though uncomfortable, help you face the truth without overwhelming you. “I started by just looking at my account balance, and it got easier”, showing how incremental steps build resilience.

Seek professional support if possible. A counselor or therapist can guide you through trauma, helping you process denial or avoidance in a safe space. If professional help isn’t accessible, online support groups for scam victims can offer connection and validation. “Talking to others who’d been through it made me feel less alone”, highlighting the power of community.

Practice grounding techniques to stay present. When you feel detached or lost in fantasy, try the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste. This anchors you to reality, reducing dysfunction. “It brought me back to the moment, away from the scam”, finding relief in the exercise.

Rebuild trust in yourself by setting small, achievable goals, like budgeting for a week or verifying an email before clicking. Each success strengthens your confidence, countering the doubt trauma sows. “I felt like myself again after managing one bill”, marking a step toward recovery.

Conclusion

As a scam victim grappling with psychological trauma, you might fear you’re disconnected from reality, unsure if you’re grounded or lost in denial, avoidance, or fantasy. The seven-step assessment (above) helps you test your mental clarity: document your reality, compare beliefs to evidence, seek outside perspectives, evaluate emotions, assess daily functioning, test decision-making, and engage in reality-testing rituals. Each step reveals whether your thoughts align with truth or if trauma, caused by a scammer’s betrayal, hiding harmful intent like a deceptive figure, is pulling you away. If you’re grounded, you can strengthen clarity with support and rituals; if disconnected, small actions like facing facts or seeking help can reconnect you. Grounding techniques, like the 5-4-3-2-1 method, and small wins, like managing a task, build resilience.

You’re not crazy—trauma clouds your mind, but by assessing your grounding and choosing reality, you can overcome the scam’s impact, reclaim your mental strength, and build a life rooted in truth and recovery.

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