Hate for Scammers and Criminals Feels So Good, But is So Bad for Scam Victims

Why Scam Victims Hate Scammers and Criminals So Much!

Primary Category: Scam Victims Recovery Psychology

Intended Audience: Scam Victims-Survivors / Family & Friends

Author:
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
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•  Originally published on RomanceScamsNOW.com on Aug 28, 2022

About This Article

Hatred toward the criminal who scammed you may feel justified, even necessary, but holding onto it often causes more harm than healing. Resentment can keep you emotionally tethered to the crime, making it difficult to recover, rebuild trust, or reclaim peace of mind. While your anger is a natural response to betrayal, staying in that emotional space can prolong your suffering and deepen the trauma. Forgiveness does not mean excusing the scammer’s actions or pretending the harm did not happen.

It means choosing to stop carrying the emotional weight that keeps you bound to what was done to you. Letting go of hate is not something you do for the criminal—it is something you do for your own emotional well-being. By releasing anger, you free yourself to move forward with strength, clarity, and dignity. The power to recover lies in your hands, and forgiveness is one of the most important tools to begin that process.

Why Scam Victims Hate Scammers and Criminals So Much!

As a scam victim, you might find yourself grappling with an intense hate toward the criminals who deceived you, wondering why these feelings run so deep and whether they’re helping or harming your healing journey.

You may question whether this hate is a natural response to the betrayal or a burden that keeps you trapped in pain, unsure if it’s good or bad for your recovery.

The betrayal cuts deeply, leaving you to navigate a storm of emotions, anger, resentment, and a longing for justice that can feel overwhelming. Understanding this hate and these feelings, where they come from, and how they affect you can help you find a path toward forgiveness and peace, freeing you from the emotional weight that lingers long after the scam ends. It’s a journey of self-discovery, one where you learn to balance your pain with the possibility of healing, ensuring you don’t let the criminal’s actions define your future.

Hate & Moral Resentment and Its Lasting Impact on You

You have a deeply personal stake in forgiving the scammers because forgiveness means letting go of the moral resentment and hate you hold toward the person who wronged you. This resentment or hate isn’t just a fleeting emotion, it’s a heavy burden that fosters internal tension, anger, and trauma, pulling your focus away from positive, uplifting thoughts and feelings. It’s like a weight I can’t shake, as the anger against the scammers consumes your mind, replaying the betrayal over and over. You might find yourself waking up each morning with a knot in your stomach, unable to escape the bitterness that colors your days. This resentment against the criminals can even manifest physically—tight shoulders, sleepless nights, or a constant sense of unease, making it harder to find joy in the things you once loved.

Forgiveness also holds a mirror to your own actions, reminding you that you, too, can receive forgiveness from those you’ve wronged. As a scam victim, you might have made choices you regret, like lying to family or friends to cover up the scam, acting as a money mule under pressure, or even deceiving yourself about the reality of the situation long after the scam ended. I told my sister I was fine, but I wasn’t, you might recall, the guilt of those lies adding to your emotional load. These actions, often driven by desperation or denial, weigh on your conscience, making forgiveness a two-way street—you need to forgive the criminal to forgive yourself, creating space for healing and self-compassion.

If your forgiveness is to hold any meaning for the scammers, they must take meaningful steps to earn it by letting go of hate. They need to openly reject their wrongdoing, accept the moral judgment that their actions were unjust, take responsibility for the unfair costs you were forced to bear, like the financial loss or emotional toll, and show a genuine willingness to act in ways that restore your confidence that they won’t repeat the offense. Perhaps they’d need to make restitution, offer a sincere apology, or demonstrate a change in behavior. But you likely know from experience that almost no scammer takes these steps. They’ll never truly care, you might realize, understanding that even if they’re caught and prosecuted, any apologies or restitution are usually court-ordered, not heartfelt. Expecting genuine contrition from a criminal is often a fairy tale, as they only change if they choose to, leaving you to decide whether to hold onto your resentment or let it go for your own sake.

The Forgiveness Myth and Its Ripple Effects on Your Community

The forgiveness myth suggests that a scammers seek not only your forgiveness but also that of others affected by the crime, like your family and friends who feel the ripple effects of your pain. Those who didn’t directly suffer from the criminals can still experience outrage and inner turmoil simply because the crime happened, especially if you’re open about your resentment. Your loved ones might see your hurt and anger, leading them to harbor their own hate for the criminal. If someone hurt you, they hurt us too, their protective instincts kicking in. This shared anger can create a ripple effect, where your family and friends adopt the same disdain, reinforcing your feelings and making it harder to let go.

This dynamic can even become a lesson for others, particularly children, that criminals who do wrong deserve hatred. If you have kids or younger relatives, they might overhear your conversations, see your pain, and learn to associate crime with a need for vengeance rather than understanding or forgiveness. I don’t want my children to grow up hating, you might worry, realizing how this cycle propagates across generations. Your community, whether it’s your family, friends, or neighbors, might start to view hatred as the default response to wrongdoing, normalizing a culture of blame that stifles healing. You might notice this in family gatherings, where discussions about your scammers turn into venting sessions, each person adding fuel to the fire of resentment, making it harder for you to find peace.

Perpetuating Blame and Its Consequences for Your Healing

When you face wrongdoing, do you find yourself leaning toward blame or forgiveness? When confronted with a crime like a scam, especially one that causes deep psychological trauma, blame feels like the most natural response. You might experience a flood of hostile emotions, hate, anger, resentment, indignation, disgust, contempt, or scorn toward the perpetrator. The scammers deserve to feel my pain, feeling entitled to these emotions as a deserved reaction to the criminals’ betrayal. You may judge the criminals harshly, condemning their character as inherently evil, wanting them punished, and to suffer as you did for the harm they caused. In many online anti-scam communities, this vehement blame and calls for vengeance have become the norm, amplifying feelings of righteous anger as you connect with others who share your pain.

Yet, you have the capacity to choose forgiveness, even in cases of severe crime. Holding onto blame often leads to self-blame, creating a vicious cycle where you turn that anger inward, feeling guilty for falling for the scam in the first place. How could I be so naive? The self-blame adds another layer of trauma.

Evolutionary psychologists suggest that both vengeance and forgiveness are natural human responses to exploitation, evolved as strategies to reduce future risks. You’re wired with the ability to blame and retaliate, seeking justice through anger, but also to forgive and repair, fostering healing and connection. Recognizing this duality gives you a choice in how to move forward, and will you let blame define your journey. Or will you seek the freedom that forgiveness offers?

Unforgiveness Feels Like Endless Torture for You

As a scam victim, unforgiveness can leave you feeling angry, cold, bitter, and resentful, impacting every aspect of your life, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It’s like I’m torturing myself, caught in a loop of pain that feels inescapable. You might notice physical signs of this burden, headaches, a racing heart, or a constant sense of fatigue, as the stress of holding onto anger takes its toll. Emotionally, you might feel drained, snapping at loved ones, or withdrawing from social interactions because the bitterness overshadows your ability to connect.

The impact of unforgiveness isn’t just internal; it shapes how you move through the world. You must decide what you truly want: to hold onto your anger or to find freedom from it. Do you want to recover from the trauma of the scam, or do you want to remain trapped, potentially worsening the damage? I want to move forward, but I’m stuck, torn between the justified anger and the desire for peace. When you don’t forgive, you keep the crime alive in your heart and mind, reliving the betrayal, whether the offender is caught or not. You might find yourself replaying the moment you realized you were scammed, feeling the sting of betrayal all over again, unable to escape the memory.

By withholding forgiveness, you might believe you’re punishing the criminals, but in reality, you’re hurting yourself. I thought I was hurting them, but I’m the one suffering, seeing how the resentment poisons your peace. It’s like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to suffer; the anger and despair you hold onto only deepen the wounds to your soul, making healing feel out of reach. You might notice this in your daily life: avoiding places that remind you of the scam, feeling a pang of dread when you check your bank account, or struggling to trust even those closest to you. Unforgiveness keeps you tethered to the crime, preventing you from reclaiming your life and finding the freedom you deserve.

When You’ve Been Wounded by a Scammers

When scammers wound you, forgiving them and yourself isn’t easy, even when you understand its importance for your mental health and happiness. The betrayal feels personal, a violation of your trust that leaves you questioning your judgment and worth. How could I let this happen?  The pain of the scam mingled with self-doubt. Even knowing that forgiveness can free you, the act of letting go feels daunting, like surrendering a part of yourself that’s still seeking justice.

You must surrender your unforgiveness and pain, a challenging but necessary step to heal. Prayer can offer solace, giving you a space to voice your hurt and seek guidance. Counseling or therapy can provide tools to process the trauma, helping you untangle the emotions that keep you stuck. Support from others, like SCARS support groups, can remind you that you’re not alone, offering a community of understanding. Self-care techniques, journaling, meditation, or simply taking time to rest, can also shift your perspective, aligning your thoughts and emotions with the possibility of forgiveness. It’s hard, but I want peace, you might say, recognizing that prioritizing forgiveness is key to your healing.

Finding Support to Move Forward

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone; resources are available to guide you toward forgiveness and recovery. The SCARS Institute offers a free support and recovery program, providing a safe space to connect with others who understand your pain. I’m not alone in this, finding comfort in shared experiences. SCARS Institute also provides self-help resources, filled with wisdom to help you understand the importance of forgiveness for your mental health. These tools can guide you through the process, offering practical steps to let go of resentment and reclaim your peace. By taking advantage of what SCARS offers, you can find the support you need to heal, ensuring you move forward with strength and clarity.

Conclusion

You may have every reason to hate the person who scammed you. The pain they caused is real, the betrayal is personal, and the aftermath is often overwhelming. Yet carrying that hate can become a second injury, one that you inflict on yourself day after day. Hatred may feel like justice, but in truth, it often becomes a chain that ties you to the crime and to the criminal. Letting go of it is not about excusing what happened. It is about choosing to step away from the damage and reclaim your emotional freedom.

You are not weak if you struggle with forgiveness. You are not foolish if you feel angry or vengeful. These are normal reactions to abnormal harm. What matters is what you decide to do next. Holding onto resentment may feel justified, but it comes at a high cost: your peace, your well-being, and your future. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It means releasing your grip on the pain so that it no longer defines you.

Your path forward begins with honest reflection, support from those who understand, and a commitment to your own healing. You were targeted, manipulated, and harmed, but you are not powerless. You can choose to let go of hate, not for them, but for yourself. That is how you win.

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