Perfectionism Can Destroy a Scam Victim’s Recovery
Perfectionism: A Hidden Trap for Scam Victims Seeking Recovery
Primary Category: Scam Victims Recovery Psychology
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Perfectionism can become a significant barrier for scam victims trying to recover. After a scam, victims often feel an intense need to regain control, leading them to seek “perfection” in every recovery step—whether reporting the crime, joining support programs, or starting therapy.
This drive, however, keeps them trapped in endless cycles of hesitation and self-doubt, as perfection is both unattainable and unnecessary in these contexts. The demand for flawless actions delays healing and compounds stress, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy. True recovery starts when victims embrace imperfection, taking small, imperfect steps forward.
This approach encourages resilience and self-compassion, allowing victims to progress at their own pace, building authentic strength and reclaiming control over their lives.
Perfectionism: A Hidden Trap for Scam Victims Seeking Recovery
Perfectionism can be a formidable trap for scam victims, acting as a barrier that stalls and often stops recovery. After enduring the trauma of a scam, many victims feel an urgent need to reclaim control over their lives. This can often lead to a drive for perfectionism, an approach that unfortunately backfires, slowing progress and increasing distress. Scam victims may feel pressured to provide flawless reports, enter support programs at the “right” time, or engage in therapy only when they feel fully ready. The desire for perfection can turn into a powerful barrier to healing, making it harder to move forward and delaying meaningful progress.
Here, we’ll explore the reasons why perfectionism becomes a trap for scam victims and how to move past it to achieve genuine recovery.
The Perfectionism Trap: A Need to Regain Control
After being deceived, manipulated, and taken advantage of, many scam victims experience a profound loss of control. This loss can make them feel powerless and vulnerable, leading to a deep-seated need to regain control over their lives. Perfectionism is often the response to this need—a way to “guarantee” that mistakes won’t happen again. Victims may believe that if they can approach every aspect of their recovery in a perfectly controlled way, they can protect themselves from future harm.
Unfortunately, this creates an unattainable standard. Attempting to regain control through perfection only leads to frustration, self-doubt, and procrastination. Rather than moving forward, perfectionism keeps victims locked in an endless loop of preparation and hesitation, where taking action seems impossible unless every detail is flawlessly managed.
A Barrier to Reporting: Waiting for the “Perfect” Account
For many scam victims, the first step in seeking justice or closure is reporting the crime. Victims often feel an intense pressure to submit a “perfect” report—one that includes every detail and fact, without omissions. This belief can be especially paralyzing, leading some to delay reporting entirely for fear of not getting it right.
This hesitation can come from the natural anxiety of having to recall and relive painful experiences, but it is compounded by the fear that incomplete or imperfect information might invalidate their case. In reality, no report is ever going to be perfect. Law enforcement agencies and support organizations understand that trauma impacts memory, and they are equipped to handle reports that may have gaps or require follow-ups. Waiting to submit a “perfect” report only slows down the process of getting help and prevents victims from receiving the support they need.
Solution: Recognize that it’s okay to start with an incomplete report. Reporting can be an ongoing process, and details can be filled in as you remember them. It’s better to get the process started than to wait for a flawless account.
Delaying Support and Recovery Programs: When It Feels Like You’re Not “Ready”
Support and recovery programs provide a safe space for victims to process their experiences, connect with others, and start the journey of healing. However, perfectionism can lead many victims to believe they aren’t “ready” to participate—that they need to be in a certain mental state or have all the details of their experience worked out before joining.
This thinking becomes a barrier, preventing them from accessing a supportive environment that could help them gain perspective, reduce isolation, and start healing. Recovery is inherently imperfect; it is a process filled with ups and downs, and there’s no “right” way to begin. Believing that everything must be perfectly aligned before joining a support group deprives victims of the benefits of early intervention, which is proven to reduce trauma and improve long-term outcomes.
Solution: Understand that recovery isn’t a destination—it’s a journey. Joining a support program doesn’t require you to be “ready.” You are ready the moment you decide you want support, and progress will come as you engage with the resources available to you.
Avoiding Therapy Until the “Perfect” Time
Many scam victims find themselves waiting for the “right” moment to start therapy, often feeling they must first “prepare” themselves emotionally or have everything in place in their lives before they can begin. This belief creates a self-imposed barrier to therapy and prevents individuals from addressing trauma that, left untreated, can have lasting effects on mental health and well-being.
Perfectionism here becomes a form of avoidance. Victims may feel that they can’t fully open up unless they’ve organized every thought and emotion, but in reality, therapy is precisely where those thoughts and feelings can be safely unpacked. Therapists are trained to work with individuals wherever they are emotionally, whether they feel organized or not.
Solution: Begin therapy knowing that it’s a space where imperfection is welcome. Therapists are there to help you untangle confusion, not judge how “prepared” you are. Starting the process is more important than waiting for a perfect entry point.
The Emotional Toll of Perfectionism: Added Stress and Delayed Healing
The perfectionism trap doesn’t only delay action—it also compounds stress. Scam victims already face emotional turmoil, including shame, guilt, and anger, and striving for perfection amplifies these feelings. Each day spent “waiting for the perfect moment” to act increases stress levels, reinforces feelings of inadequacy, and ultimately, makes recovery feel farther away.
Perfectionism can also lead to burnout, as victims exhaust themselves by mentally preparing for action they never feel ready to take. The internal criticism that comes with perfectionism only reinforces the negative impact of the scam, undermining self-worth and self-trust.
Solution: Recognize perfectionism as a form of self-criticism that is neither necessary nor helpful. Allowing yourself to take imperfect steps forward reduces stress and nurtures self-compassion, which is vital for genuine healing.
The Freedom of Embracing Imperfection in Recovery
True recovery for scam victims begins with a recognition that perfection is not required. Imperfection in reporting, participating, and seeking help is not only acceptable but expected. Embracing imperfection allows scam victims to move at their own pace, taking steps forward that may be small but are nonetheless significant.
Moving past perfectionism involves accepting that growth is a gradual, uneven process. Each attempt to seek help, engage in a program, or start therapy is a step toward healing, regardless of whether it feels “perfect.” By letting go of the need for flawlessness, victims can break free from the paralysis of perfectionism and begin to rebuild their lives in a way that feels authentic and empowering.
Solution: Practice self-compassion and acknowledge the courage it takes to move forward, no matter how imperfect the journey might feel. Each step you take, however small, brings you closer to healing and restores a sense of control that is based on resilience, not on unrealistic standards.
Final Thoughts
Perfectionism can be an insidious trap for scam victims, creating unnecessary hurdles to recovery. By understanding how perfectionism hinders progress and embracing imperfection as a natural part of healing, victims can reclaim their agency and begin rebuilding their lives. Taking action, however imperfectly, is what ultimately propels recovery forward. Each imperfect step is an act of resilience, a rejection of self-doubt, and a powerful affirmation of the desire to heal and move forward.
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A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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