Scam Victims’ Responsibilities

What Responsibilities Do Scam Victims Have After They Become Victims of a Scam?

Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology

Authors:
•  Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist, Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
–
•  Originally published on RomanceScamsNOW.com, October 19, 2021 – Updated May 14, 2025

About This Article

After a scam ends, your responsibility does not end with survival. You have a duty to yourself and to others to recover, seek the truth, and share what you’ve learned. Recovery is not passive: it requires action, honesty, and courage. You must accept that you were a victim of a crime, recognize the trauma it caused, and take the steps needed to heal. That includes reporting the crime, seeking professional help, moderating your emotions, and participating in your own recovery. Once you are further along, your responsibility shifts outward. You owe it to future victims to share your experience, offer support, and become part of a larger effort to prevent scams. Each person who recovers and speaks up makes a difference. Silence helps the scammers. Action protects others. By choosing recovery and contributing to awareness and advocacy, you turn your pain into purpose and ensure that your experience matters in a meaningful way.

Note: This article is intended for informational purposes and does not replace professional medical advice. If you are experiencing distress, please consult a qualified mental health professional.

What Responsibilities Does A Scam Victim Have After They Become A Victim Of A Scam?

Scam Victims Have A Duty To Their Fellow Citizens, But More Importantly To Themselves!

Every member of a culture has a duty to help make life better for themselves and for others; this is especially true for scam victims. When we turn away from this duty we contribute to its decline. But also, far too many people only help to satisfy their own needs and desires. They help because it fulfills their needs, not those of others or their society.

Each member of society, including scam victims, has an obligation to recover and do what they can to improve the world. The management of SCARS all volunteer their time to help others. You can too!

Scam Victim: From The Beginning

From the very beginning, scam victims have certain things that they should and must do, both for themselves and for those around them. This is complicated by the emotional state of the victim and their trauma. Some victims automatically justify their aggression and the desire for revenge, others believe that nothing really happened to them, but that they are the “one” who will save everyone else. Neither of these is valid or healthy.

The problem is that all victims of serious crimes experience some trauma, and relationship scam victims can be profoundly traumatized. So much so that they may believe they are not, that the scam did not really affect them, and as a result, feed the negative aspects of anger or denial or freeze, increasing their trauma in the process over time. As we have said before, trauma doesn’t just go away!

The purpose of this short article is to help a scam victim keep everything in perspective. This is a kind of “to-do list” of the duty and responsibility that every scam victim has, even if they choose to ignore it!

A Scam Victim’s Responsibilities

An important point. Recovery is not just something to want, it is a moral imperative! If you do not recover from this experience or if you chose to ignore your responsibilities, then the criminals win. This is a question of right versus wrong, good versus evil.

The choices and mistakes you made before and during the scam no longer matter. What matters are the decisions you make after the scam ends.

Overview of the Basic Responsibilities of Every Scam Victim:

• • Acknowledge and accept that you are the victim of a crime. That it happened. That you were the victim of a criminal act.
  • Begin to change your vocabulary and terminology about what happened. Using the right terms will make it easier for you to accept the situation and help begin the mental adjustments that will come. This was a crime, and the scammer was a criminal. Use these terms as much as possible, instead of scam and scammer.
  • You must properly report the crime to law enforcement. This is the first step in re-taking control of your life following the scam. You are breaking free and are acting outside of the manipulation and the wishes of the criminal (the scammer).
  • Focus on yourself first, at least initially, until you are far more recovered. No victim can help others if they are not yet able to moderate and control themself. Saving others or getting revenge is just another fantasy, at least until you are fully recovered.
  • Recognize, whether you feel it or not, you are traumatized. How much or how deeply depends on many factors, such as resiliency, but it is still there. Denying this is simply greater proof of that trauma.
  • Try hard to moderate your emotions so that you can be helped. You may be angry or not want to talk, but if you turn your aggression or denial on the people trying to help you, then you will cut off the help you need.
  • You have a duty to share your story. It is only embarrassing because you are allowing it to be. Once you start talking to other victims about the crime, it will become easier. It is also beneficial in helping to moderate and manage your trauma. But it also serves to help others understand that they are not alone – others have or will do that, so you can feel that, and in turn, owe it to other victims to do the same.
  • Find professional help both with your recovery from your experience but also for the deeper traumatic effects. You may not fully understand how much you have been affected, but it is there nonetheless. We recommend that all scam victims get local help from a trauma counselor or therapist. And that when they are ready, they join a qualified, professionally managed support group. But also understand that you may not be ready for a support group; in these cases, start with counseling to prepare you to be more stable and ready for a group.
  • You must actively participate in your own recovery. No one can save you – this is not a fairy tale. This dragon can only be vanquished by your own actions.
  • You must learn the truth about how these crimes function, both to aid in your own understanding and what that will allow you to do during your recovery, but also to help stamp out urban legends and misinformation spread by so many others. Scam victims look for easy answers that satisfy their fight or flight responses (anger or denial), but ironically, the real answers are far more satisfying because they make it clear that you were not to blame.
  • Recognize that shame, guilt, and blame are just your own beliefs; they are not objective truths. You are not to blame. There is no reason for shame. You are the victim of a crime!
  • Remember that you are worthy and a valuable person in your own right. This crime is something that happened, it is not who you are.
  • Learn to recognize your trauma (emotional) triggers so that you can control yourself around others. This will allow you to re-establish relationships with family and friends who may have suffered or been harmed during the crime.
  • Don’t let yourself judge other victims or compare their situation to your own. Each person has their own hell to escape from.
  • Prioritize your recovery, at least half as much as you prioritized your fake relationship.
  • Accept that you harmed others during your scam. It may have just been that you pushed them away, or it may have been more serious, but either way, you must admit this and begin to make up for it.
  • Once you are well on your way to recovery, make a real effort to help the next victims. You were helped by strangers who did not know you, and now you have a duty to help those who came after you. You can do this in many ways:
    • Provide support and compassion to other victims that you encounter – they need it just as you did. Clicking LIKE is NOT providing support, use real words – they matter.
    • Help them learn the lessons of the criminal experience, and point them in the direction of authentic information about how and why this happened. They will also be confused and may have listened to the wrong people.
    • Steer them toward the right professional help. Trauma counselors, therapists, attorneys, financial professionals, law enforcement, and crime victims’ assistance providers, such as the SCARS Institute.
  • However, do not try to help others more than you are able to. If you start to get frustrated, it means you are not yet ready or it means you are taking on someone else’s trauma. Remember that trauma is contagious. Remember that you are struggling too!
  • Tell your family and friends about what happened (look at our guide to help you with this). You do not need to tell them very much, but you become someone who can help spread the word! If you don’t do it, you may be dooming someone else to follow the same path when you might have changed their future. You can do this!
  • When you feel ready, volunteer to more actively help victims – either by working with an organization such as the SCARS Institute, or contacting your local police and making yourself available as a Victim’s Advocate to help them through the process that you had to do alone.
  • Remember that elections have consequences. Certain political points of view tolerate criminals, others do not. Learn the difference and why this is so. Become an advocate! You can work with SCARS and independently. Every voice matters!

A Closer Look

Right from the start, you have certain things you should and must do, both for yourself and those around you. This can feel complicated because of the emotional state you are in and the trauma you are experiencing. You might feel aggression and a desire for revenge, or you might think nothing really happened and that you are the one who can save everyone else. Neither of these mindsets is healthy or valid.

The truth is, all victims of serious crimes experience some trauma, and as a relationship scam victim, you might be profoundly affected. You could believe the scam did not really impact you, which can feed into negative emotions like anger, denial, or freezing, increasing your trauma over time. As we have shared before, trauma does not just go away on its own. You need to take steps to address it.

This short article is here to help you keep everything in perspective. Think of it as a to-do list of the duties and responsibilities you have as a scam victim, even if you are tempted to ignore them.

Your Responsibilities as a Scam Victim

Here is an important point for you. Recovery is not just something to wish for. It is a moral imperative. If you do not recover from this experience or choose to ignore your responsibilities, the criminals win. This truly becomes a battle of right versus wrong, good versus evil.

The choices and mistakes you made before do not matter anymore. What matters now are the decisions you make after the scam ends. Here is a list of your basic responsibilities as a scam victim.

Acknowledge and accept that you are the victim of a crime. It happened, and you were the victim of a criminal act. Begin to change how you talk about what happened by using the right terms. This will help you accept the situation and start making mental adjustments. This was a crime, and the scammer was a criminal. Use these words as much as possible instead of scam and scammer. You need to properly report the crime to law enforcement. This is your first step in taking back control of your life after the scam, breaking free from the criminal’s manipulation.

Focus on yourself first, at least until you are further along in your recovery. You cannot help others if you are not yet able to manage your own emotions. Trying to save others or seeking revenge is just another fantasy until you are fully recovered. Recognize that, whether you feel it or not, you are traumatized. The depth of this trauma varies based on factors like your resilience, but it is still there. Denying it only proves how deep the trauma runs.

Work hard to manage your emotions so you can receive help. You might feel angry or reluctant to talk, but if you direct your aggression or denial toward those trying to support you, you will push away the help you need. You have a duty to share your story. It only feels embarrassing because you are letting it be. Once you start talking to other victims about the crime, it will get easier. Sharing also helps manage your trauma and lets others know they are not alone. You owe it to them just as others did for you.

Seek professional help for both your recovery and the deeper traumatic effects. You might not fully realize how much this has affected you, but the impact is there. We recommend that you find local help from a trauma counselor or therapist. When you are ready, join a qualified, professionally managed support group. If you are not ready for a group, start with counseling to help you become more stable and prepared.

You must actively participate in your own recovery. No one can save you. This is not a fairy tale. This dragon can only be defeated by your own actions. Learn the truth about how these crimes work, both to aid your understanding and recovery and to help stop the spread of myths and misinformation. You might look for easy answers to satisfy your fight-or-flight responses, like anger or denial, but the real answers are more satisfying because they show you are not to blame.

Recognize that shame, guilt, and blame are just your own beliefs, not objective truths. You are not to blame, and there is no reason for shame. You are the victim of a crime. Remember that you are worthy and a valuable person in your own right. This crime is something that happened. It is not who you are.

Learn to recognize your trauma triggers so that you can control yourself around others. This will allow you to re-establish relationships with family and friends who may have suffered or been harmed during the crime. Do not let yourself judge other victims or compare their situation to your own. Each person has their own hell to escape from.

Prioritize your recovery, at least half as much as you prioritized your fake relationship. Accept that you harmed others during your scam. It may have just been that you pushed them away, or it may have been more serious, but either way, you must admit this and begin to make up for it.

Once you are well on your way to recovery, make a real effort to help the next victims. You were helped by strangers who did not know you, and now you have a duty to help those who came after you. You can do this in many ways.

Provide support and compassion to other victims that you encounter. They need it just as you did. Clicking LIKE is not providing support. Use real words because they matter. Help them learn the lessons of the criminal experience, and point them in the direction of authentic information about how and why this happened. They will also be confused and may have listened to the wrong people.

Steer them toward the right professional help. Trauma counselors, therapists, attorneys, financial professionals, law enforcement, and crime victims’ assistance providers, such as the SCARS Institute (see below for our resources), can make a difference. However, do not try to help others more than you are able to. If you start to get frustrated, it means you are not yet ready, or it means you are taking on someone else’s trauma. Remember that trauma is contagious. Remember that you are struggling too.

Tell your family and friends about what happened. Look at our guide to help you with this. You do not need to tell them very much, but you become someone who can help spread the word. If you do not do it, you may be dooming someone else to follow the same path when you might have changed their future. You can do this.

When you feel ready, volunteer to help victims more actively. You can work with an organization such as the SCARS Institute, or contact your local police and make yourself available as a Victim’s Advocate to help them through the process that you had to do alone. Remember that elections have consequences. Certain political points of view tolerate criminals, while others do not. Learn the difference and why this is so. Become an advocate. You can work with SCARS and independently. Every voice matters.

Of course, there may be more, but you should be aware that recovery begins selfishly by necessity. As time progresses, there is an obligation to contribute back what you received from others. Each person pays it forward, as the saying goes. Everyone who breaks the chain endangers others who will not be able to hear the words that could have prevented it or the words that might help them see their path forward.

Remember This Was Done For You

At some point after the scam ended, someone helped you. Maybe it was a stranger who answered your questions with compassion instead of judgment. Maybe it was a support group post that made you feel less alone. Maybe it was a counselor who explained what trauma really meant. Someone, somewhere, took the time to create a path so you would not be lost forever in your confusion, anger, or grief. That act, however small or unnoticed at the time, was done for you. Not because you earned it, not because you asked for it, but because it was the right thing to do. Now that you are healing, the responsibility begins to shift.

You are not expected to do everything. You do not have to become a leader or dedicate your life to advocacy. But you can make a difference. You can reach out to someone who is just beginning their recovery and show them that recovery is possible. You can share your story so they know they are not alone. You can point someone to real information or reliable help when they are overwhelmed with noise and misinformation. These are not grand gestures. They are meaningful acts that matter deeply to the person receiving them.

Helping others is not just about them, it is also a part of your own healing. When you help someone else navigate their pain, you reinforce your own strength. You remind yourself how far you have come. You give your experience purpose. You stop seeing yourself as someone who was broken and start seeing yourself as someone who has power, knowledge, and value. This is when your identity begins to shift from victim to survivor.

When you are ready, pass it on. Do it for the next person, and the next after that. Be the one who breaks their fall. Be the one who offers clarity in their confusion. Be the reason someone else believes they can get through it. That is how you transform this painful experience into something redemptive. That is how you become more than someone who endured—you become someone who helped others endure, too. And that is something to be proud of.

Conclusion: You Are the Key to What Happens Next

As a scam victim, you may have felt powerless. You may have believed that the damage ended when the scam did. But the truth is, what happens after the scam ends matters just as much, if not more, than what happened during it. The choices you make in recovery define who you become. They also help shape what happens to others who will face the same kind of deception.

You are not responsible for being targeted. You were not at fault for trusting someone who turned out to be a criminal. But now that you know the truth, you do carry a responsibility. You are responsible for healing, for learning, and for sharing what you have learned. This is not a punishment—it is an opportunity. It is a way to reclaim your power, your dignity, and your future. It is also a way to honor the pain you experienced by using it to prevent suffering in others.

Recovery is not passive. It does not happen to you. It happens because of you. Each step you take—reporting the crime, learning the truth, working through trauma, asking for help, and offering support—builds a foundation not just for your own future, but for the safety of your community.

Scammers win when you stay silent. They win when you give in to shame. They win when you isolate yourself, when you blame yourself, and when you pretend this was a small thing. It was not. It was a violation of your trust, your safety, and your autonomy. Treating it as anything less only gives more power to those who caused it.

You have more strength than you realize. If you are still standing, even with all the pain, that means you are already strong enough to begin again. You do not have to do it alone, and you do not have to be perfect. You only have to keep going. Every small effort adds up. Every truth you share helps someone else. Every time you offer support instead of judgment, you help to build a culture of recovery instead of silence.

Some victims turn their pain into purpose. Others choose not to. But every one of you has that choice. You can stay quiet. You can walk away. Or you can be the person you needed when you were at your worst. You can become someone else’s turning point.

That is your responsibility now, not as a burden, but as a path to something better. For yourself. For others. For the future.

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