Secondary-Gaslighting and the Effect it has on Scam Victims
Secondary Gaslighting: How Families and Friends Can Create a Hidden Barrier for Scam Victims’ Recovery
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Secondary gaslighting occurs when a scam victim’s experiences are invalidated or dismissed by family or friends after they’ve already been manipulated by scammers.
In the context of scam victims, this can manifest as loved ones minimizing the trauma, blaming the victim, or questioning their feelings. This further damages the victim’s emotional recovery, leading to isolation, prolonged trauma, and erosion of self-esteem.
Avoiding secondary gaslighting involves active listening, empathy, avoiding blame, and encouraging professional help to ensure a supportive environment for healing.
Secondary Gaslighting: How Families and Friends Can Create a Hidden Barrier for Scam Victims’ Recovery
Secondary gaslighting occurs when a third party, such as family or friends, dismisses or invalidates a victim’s experiences after they’ve already been manipulated. In the context of scam victims, this can happen when loved ones unintentionally side with the scammer’s narrative by minimizing the victim’s trauma or questioning the legitimacy of their feelings. Secondary gaslighting can have a profound impact on the victim’s emotional recovery and their relationships, further isolating the victim and causing additional emotional harm.
How Secondary Gaslighting Happens to Scam Victims
After a scam ends, victims often struggle with shame, guilt, and self-doubt. In this vulnerable state, they might turn to friends, family, or professionals for support, expecting empathy and validation. However, when the people they trust downplay their pain or challenge the reality of their victimization, secondary gaslighting occurs.
Here are some examples of secondary gaslighting in the context of scams:
Minimizing the Scam’s Impact: Family members may say things like, “It’s just money, move on,” or “Why didn’t you see this coming?” These statements invalidate the trauma, implying that the victim should have known better or that the scam was a minor event, even though the emotional and psychological consequences are far more profound.
Blaming the Victim: Well-meaning loved ones might suggest the victim was careless or naïve, even if unintentionally. Comments like “How could you fall for that?” reinforce feelings of shame and guilt, deepening the emotional damage.
Denying the Victim’s Emotional Pain: Sometimes, when victims express their distress, others may encourage them to “stay positive” or “look on the bright side,” effectively dismissing their pain and preventing the victim from fully processing their emotions.
Reinforcing Trust Issues: Victims may be told not to trust anyone, heightening feelings of isolation. Such remarks can lead victims to question their own judgment even more deeply, pushing them further into a cycle of self-doubt and mistrust.
The Profound Impact on Scam Victims
Secondary gaslighting worsens the emotional toll already inflicted by the scam. Victims of scams often experience trauma comparable to other forms of abuse, such as PTSD, depression, anxiety, and profound trust issues. When victims encounter secondary gaslighting, the following effects can occur:
Increased Isolation: When a victim’s reality is dismissed, they may withdraw from others, feeling as though no one understands their pain. This isolation can exacerbate feelings of shame and guilt, making recovery much harder.
Prolonged Trauma: Secondary gaslighting forces victims to continually question their own feelings, delaying emotional healing. The invalidation of their experiences can leave them stuck in denial, unable to process the scam’s impact and move forward.
Erosion of Self-Esteem: Repeated questioning or dismissal of their experiences can lead victims to doubt their own perceptions, further diminishing their already shattered self-confidence.
Complicated Recovery: Victims who face secondary gaslighting are less likely to seek help from professionals, such as therapists or support groups, as they may come to believe that their trauma isn’t valid or “worthy” of attention.
Damaging Relationships
Secondary gaslighting not only harms the victim but also damages relationships. Family members and friends who engage in secondary gaslighting, even unintentionally, may erode the trust between them and the victim. Instead of fostering a supportive environment for recovery, these relationships may become strained or even break down.
Distrust in Loved Ones: Victims may begin to distrust those who minimize their feelings, creating a wedge between them and their closest support systems.
Emotional Withdrawal: When gaslighting occurs, victims may distance themselves emotionally from friends and family, unable to share their pain for fear of being dismissed again.
Communication Breakdown: Secondary gaslighting can lead to a lack of open, honest communication between the victim and their loved ones, making it harder to rebuild trust or seek mutual understanding.
How to Avoid Secondary Gaslighting
For family and friends who want to help scam victims recover, it’s crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity, empathy, and validation. Here are steps to avoid secondary gaslighting:
Listen Actively: Offer a non-judgmental space for the victim to share their feelings and experiences. Avoid interrupting or questioning their reality.
Acknowledge Their Pain: Even if you don’t fully understand the trauma, affirm that their feelings are valid and that the experience was painful.
Avoid Blame: Instead of asking why they didn’t see the scam coming, focus on how they can recover. Avoid comments that imply the victim was at fault.
Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest counseling or support groups for victims to process their trauma. Reassure them that their pain is real and deserving of professional support.
Conclusion
Secondary gaslighting is a subtle but damaging form of invalidation that can severely affect scam victims’ emotional recovery. By recognizing the signs and understanding how it manifests, family members and friends can provide the empathy and support that victims need to heal. Avoiding secondary gaslighting helps victims regain their confidence, rebuild trust, and navigate the difficult path toward emotional recovery.
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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