Self-Blame is Insidious and so Destructive!
Once Self-Blame Sets In it is Very Hard to Overcome!
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Author:
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Self-blame is particularly damaging for scam victims as they attempt to overcome the trauma of a relationship scam. It significantly amplifies their trauma, hinders emotional recovery, and impedes their ability to seek help and support. Self-blame distorts the victim’s perception of the scam, preventing them from recognizing the external manipulation they were subjected to. Overcoming self-blame is crucial for healing, learning from experiences, and rebuilding lives with resilience and self-compassion.
This involves acknowledging that the scam was not their fault and seeking professional help as essential steps in the recovery journey. The insidious nature of self-blame can lead to a drop in self-esteem, feelings of shame and guilt, and isolation from potential support systems.
To combat this, it is vital for victims to participate in support groups, educate themselves about the tactics used by scammers, and understand that their experience was a result of manipulation and not a personal failing. Recognizing and addressing self-blame is fundamental for scam victims to move forward and recover from their traumatic experiences.
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Self-Blame is as Corrosive as Acid in Damaging the Opportunity to Recover for Traumatized Scam Victims
Self-blame is insidious for scam victims because it amplifies their trauma, hinders their emotional recovery, and impedes their ability to seek help and support. It distorts their perception of the scam and prevents them from recognizing the external manipulation they were subjected to. Overcoming self-blame is crucial for victims to heal, learn from their experiences, and rebuild their lives with a sense of resilience and self-compassion. Acknowledging that the scam was not their fault and seeking professional help can be essential steps in this recovery journey.
A Self-Blaming Perspective
This posted this on one of our public pages and we felt the need to address this. We post this not to shame or blame, but to help correct a significant misunderstanding and self-blame. This was on a post where we asked if victims should have the right to sue banks.
I don’t believe so because they do, at least my bank, has alot of information regarding fraud and scams that notifies the customer of specific alerts and educates the customer. It is up to the customer to be aware of all of us. I was so complacent, and believe me, I am NOT blaming myself anymore but banks can do so much to help.
In reply, we said:
Yes you are blaming, yourself and other victims – you were not complacent. You were manipulated. Please stop blaming yourself and other victims. The language you use tells what you are feeling.
What you are doing here is defending an institution that has an obligation to stop fraud, and they did not do that, and pushed the blame onto the customer – the victim – on yourself.
The Definition of Complacent
Marked by self-satisfaction, especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies: marked by complacency : SELF-SATISFIED or UNCONCERNED
Does that sound like a scam victim? No, it does not.
A victim is under the control of the criminals, there is nothing complacent about it.
Self-blame is Insidious
Self-blame is particularly insidious for scam victims as they try to overcome their trauma after a relationship scam ends due to several psychological and emotional factors:
Erosion of Self-Esteem
Undermines Confidence: When victims blame themselves, they often experience a significant drop in self-esteem and confidence. They may feel foolish or gullible, which can make it difficult to trust their own judgment in the future.
Shame and Guilt: Self-blame fosters feelings of shame and guilt. Victims may constantly replay the events in their minds, wondering what they could have done differently, and these feelings can be overwhelming and paralyzing.
Hinders Emotional Recovery
Emotional Burden: Self-blame adds an additional layer of emotional burden to the existing trauma. Victims are not only dealing with betrayal and financial loss but also with the internal conflict of feeling responsible for their victimization.
Perpetuates Trauma: By continuously blaming themselves, victims keep their trauma alive. This prevents the healing process from progressing, as they are unable to move past the event and continue to dwell on their perceived failures.
Impedes Seeking Help
Isolation: Victims who blame themselves may feel too embarrassed to seek help or talk about their experiences with others. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and despair, making it even harder to recover.
Reluctance to Seek Support: Self-blame can discourage victims from seeking professional support or counseling. They might believe that they deserve to suffer or that others will judge them for their perceived mistakes.
Distorts Reality
Skewed Perspective: Self-blame distorts the victim’s perspective of the situation. Instead of recognizing that they were deceived by a skilled manipulator, they may focus solely on their actions and decisions, overlooking the fact that the scammer exploited their trust.
Ignoring External Factors: Victims may fail to acknowledge the external factors and sophisticated techniques used by scammers, such as psychological manipulation, which can happen to anyone regardless of their intelligence or awareness.
Prevents Learning and Growth
Stifles Growth: Self-blame can prevent victims from learning from their experience in a healthy way. Instead of understanding the tactics used against them and developing strategies to protect themselves in the future, they remain stuck in a cycle of self-reproach.
Hampers Resilience: Developing resilience is crucial for recovery, but self-blame can hinder this process. When victims believe they are solely responsible for what happened, it becomes difficult to rebuild their confidence and trust in themselves and others.
More Thoughts About Self-Blame
You may be blaming yourself for what happened, or at least you do not yet understand. In large part, this can be because you have not really been participating in a real support group or program where it was impressed on you that it was NOT your fault! Or you may not have followed our advice to really start learning why these crimes happen. www.ScamVictimsSupport.org is where the answers are.
SCARS Institute has a strict policy against victim blaming and is here to help everyone see when they are doing it to themselves.
Just remember, when you blame yourself, you are also blaming every other victim – you all suffered from the same manipulation and control.
This is going to sound very judgmental, and it is, but it is the truth about this situation. Judgment is not the problem, toxic judgment is the problem, but also so is the victims’ reaction to reasonable judgment.
When scam victims are open to constructive support it doesn’t hurt – it guides and redirects.
Part of our job at the SCARS Institute is to trigger you all as we educate, or it just goes in one ear and out the other.
In the early stages of recovery, this serves as a way to embed this knowledge emotionally where you can use it. We hope that we do this with empathy and explain ourselves thoroughly so you can see that it is not done to be mean, but to help you to rebuild resiliency.
The important lesson in this moment is to be aware of the language YOU use. The words and phrases you use can reinforce your beliefs and they in turn can reinforce your self-blam, guilt, and shame, as was the case with the above.
Remember
If you start seriously learning you can make it through this horrific experience and lose the self-blame, guilt, and shame, but only if you are committed to your recovery. Remember, no one can save you, only you can save yourself.
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Donate to SCARS and help us help others at donate.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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