Ignoring Past Trauma and Abandoning Authenticity: Lessons from Gabor Maté
Exploring the Great Danger of Abandoning Authenticity for Scam Victims in Recovery
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Psychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Based on the work of Gabor Maté
About This Article
Ignoring past trauma and abandoning authenticity, as explored by Gabor Maté, highlights how individuals often suppress their true feelings and instincts to cope with pain, leading to further emotional harm. This suppression can manifest as disconnection from one’s genuine self and perpetuate cycles of trauma.
Reclaiming authenticity, especially for scam victims, involves acknowledging and expressing true emotions, rebuilding self-trust, and aligning actions with core values. This process is crucial for healing, as it helps victims restore self-worth, improve mental health, and build resilience against future vulnerabilities. Embracing authenticity allows individuals to process trauma effectively and live a life true to themselves.
Ignoring Past Trauma and Abandoning Authenticity: Lessons from Gabor Maté
In our achievement-oriented society, full of cybercrime and scams, individuals often disregard their past traumas, pushing them into the background in favor of maintaining an image of success and stability.
Renowned physician and trauma expert Gabor Maté has extensively explored this phenomenon, highlighting how the neglect of past traumas can lead to the abandonment of one’s authenticity. See one of his videos below.
The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.
― Gabor Maté
Understanding Trauma and Its Impact
Trauma, as Maté describes, is not just an event that happens to a person; it’s the wound that the event leaves behind. This wound can shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world around us. When people experience trauma, especially in their formative years, it often leads to a disconnection from their true selves. This disconnection is a survival mechanism, allowing individuals to cope with pain and continue functioning in their daily lives.
The Cost of Ignoring Trauma
One of the significant costs of ignoring past trauma is the abandonment of authenticity. Authenticity, as Maté defines it, is the ability to be in tune with and act according to one’s true feelings, values, and needs. However, when individuals suppress their traumas, they also suppress their genuine reactions and emotions associated with those traumas.
For example, consider a person who instinctively feels uncomfortable around a particular individual but ignores this feeling to avoid confrontation or to fit in. Later, if the relationship with that individual leads to negative experiences or harm, the person might regret not listening to their gut instinct. This scenario exemplifies how ignoring one’s inner voice and feelings—often shaped by past traumas—can lead to decisions that are not in one’s best interest.
Abandoning Authenticity
Abandoning authenticity means living in a way that is disconnected from one’s true self. This can manifest in various ways, such as:
Ignoring Instincts: Disregarding gut feelings or instincts because they seem irrational or inconvenient.
Suppressing Emotions: Pushing down emotions like anger, sadness, or fear to appear strong or to avoid conflict.
Conforming to Expectations: Adopting behaviors and attitudes that align with societal or familial expectations rather than personal beliefs and desires.
Maté argues that when individuals abandon their authenticity, they might achieve external success, but it often comes at the cost of internal fulfillment and health. This disconnection can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical illnesses.
The Path to Healing
Healing from trauma and reclaiming authenticity involves several crucial steps:
Acknowledgment: Recognizing the presence and impact of past traumas is the first step toward healing. This acknowledgment allows individuals to understand their behaviors and emotions in a new light.
Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion is vital. It involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding rather than judgment and criticism. This helps in creating a safe internal environment where healing can occur.
Authentic Expression: Encouraging oneself to express genuine thoughts and feelings, even if they seem uncomfortable or inconvenient. This can be through therapy, journaling, or open conversations with trusted individuals.
Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining boundaries is essential to protect one’s emotional and psychological well-being. This means learning to say no and standing up for one’s needs and values.
Professional Support: Seeking support from therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma can provide guidance and tools for navigating the healing process.
Remember!
Disregarding past traumas and abandoning authenticity can lead to a life that feels disconnected and unfulfilling. Gabor Maté’s work emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing these traumas to reclaim one’s true self. By listening to our instincts, expressing our true emotions, and seeking support, we can begin to heal and live more authentic, fulfilling lives. Recognizing and addressing past traumas is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step toward true well-being and self-acceptance.
― Gabor Maté
But What Is Authenticity?
In the context of trauma and recovery, especially for scam victims, authenticity refers to the alignment between an individual’s true self and their actions, thoughts, and feelings.
It involves being genuine, honest, and transparent with oneself and others, rather than conforming to external pressures or internalized negative beliefs.
The great irony is that many scam victims (most??) while wanting help will not allow themselves to be open and authentic with those trying to help them. This is a tragedy since it is one of the most destructive things that victims can do to themselves and their prospects for recovery.
Here are the key aspects of authenticity in this context:
Self-Recognition and Acceptance: Authenticity involves recognizing and accepting one’s true emotions and experiences. Scam victims often deal with feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame. Authenticity means acknowledging these emotions without judgment and understanding that they are a natural response to the trauma endured.
Honesty with Oneself: Being authentic means being honest about one’s vulnerabilities, mistakes, and weaknesses. For scam victims, this might involve admitting that they were deceived and understanding that it does not diminish their worth or intelligence.
Expression of True Feelings: Authenticity includes expressing one’s true feelings and thoughts openly, rather than suppressing them. Victims of scams often feel pressure to hide their pain or appear strong. Authenticity encourages them to share their experiences and emotions in safe and supportive environments.
Consistency Between Inner Self and Outer Actions: Authentic individuals strive for consistency between their inner beliefs and outward actions. For scam victims, this means not pretending to be unaffected by the trauma and instead seeking help and support that aligns with their need for healing.
Rebuilding Trust in Oneself: Authenticity involves trusting one’s instincts and judgments again. Scam victims may doubt their ability to make sound decisions after being deceived. Rebuilding this trust is a critical part of returning to an authentic self.
Setting Boundaries: Authenticity includes setting and maintaining personal boundaries to protect one’s well-being. Scam victims need to establish limits to prevent further exploitation and ensure their interactions are respectful and safe.
Living in Accordance with Personal Values: Being authentic means living in a way that reflects one’s core values and beliefs. For scam victims, this involves making choices that honor their integrity and self-respect, even in the face of past vulnerabilities.
Self-Compassion and Forgiveness: Authenticity requires self-compassion and the ability to forgive oneself for past mistakes. Scam victims must learn to be kind to themselves and let go of self-blame to move forward authentically.
Seeking and Accepting Help: Authenticity includes recognizing when one needs help and being willing to seek and accept it. Scam victims often benefit from professional therapy, support groups, and other resources that help them process their trauma authentically.
Importance of Authenticity for Scam Victims
For scam victims, reclaiming authenticity is crucial for several reasons:
Emotional Healing: By acknowledging and expressing their true feelings, victims can process their trauma more effectively and begin to heal.
Restoring Self-Worth: Authenticity helps victims rebuild their self-esteem and recognize that being scammed does not define their value or character.
Improving Mental Health: Authentic living reduces stress and anxiety, as individuals are no longer suppressing their true emotions or pretending to be something they are not.
Building Resilience: Authenticity fosters resilience by empowering victims to trust themselves again and make decisions that align with their well-being.
Remember, authenticity in this context means being true to oneself, embracing one’s emotions and experiences without judgment, and taking steps to align one’s actions with their true self. For scam victims, reclaiming authenticity is a vital part of the healing process, enabling them to recover from trauma and rebuild their lives with integrity and self-respect.
Reclaiming Authenticity: Healing from the Trauma of Scams
Scam victims endure profound emotional and psychological trauma stemming from the deception and betrayal they experience.
This trauma can lead to a disconnection from their true selves as they struggle to understand how they fell victim to such schemes. Drawing on the insights of Gabor Maté, we can explore how ignoring past trauma and abandoning authenticity affects scam victims and how reclaiming authenticity is vital for their recovery.
The Trauma of Being Scammed
Scams exploit trust and manipulate emotions, leaving victims feeling violated, ashamed, and distrusting of others and themselves. The trauma from scams can be deeply ingrained, impacting victims’ self-perception and leading to a loss of authenticity. This happens when victims internalize the experience, blaming themselves for the deception and questioning their judgment and instincts.
The Impact on Authenticity
Just as with other forms of trauma, the experience of being scammed can cause victims to abandon their authenticity. This can manifest in several ways:
Self-Blame and Shame: Victims often blame themselves for falling for the scam, thinking they should have known better. This self-blame can lead to shame and a reluctance to acknowledge or express their true feelings.
Loss of Trust: Trusting their instincts becomes difficult for scam victims. They might ignore their gut feelings in future interactions, fearing that their instincts are flawed.
Emotional Suppression: To cope with the pain and humiliation, victims might suppress their emotions, putting on a brave face while internally struggling with anxiety, depression, and fear.
Healing and Reclaiming Authenticity
Reclaiming authenticity is essential for scam victims to heal and regain control over their lives. The process involves several steps, each aimed at addressing the trauma and reconnecting with one’s true self.
Acknowledgment of Trauma: The first step towards healing is acknowledging the trauma caused by the scam. Victims need to recognize that their feelings of betrayal, anger, and sadness are valid. This acknowledgment is crucial in understanding that the trauma is not a reflection of their worth but a result of external manipulation.
Practicing Self-Compassion: Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding. Scam victims should avoid harsh self-criticism and instead offer themselves the same empathy they would extend to a friend in a similar situation. This helps create a nurturing environment for healing.
Authentic Expression: Encouraging authentic expression is vital for recovery. Victims should find safe spaces to express their true emotions and thoughts, whether through therapy, support groups, or journaling. Sharing their experiences can help them process the trauma and feel less isolated.
Rebuilding Trust: Rebuilding trust, both in themselves and others, is a gradual process. Victims can start by listening to their instincts in low-stakes situations, gradually rebuilding confidence in their judgment. Establishing clear boundaries can also help in regaining a sense of control and safety.
Seeking Professional Support: Professional support from therapists specializing in trauma can provide victims with tools and strategies to navigate their recovery. Therapists can help victims understand the psychological mechanisms of scams and guide them in rebuilding their lives.
Establishing Boundaries: Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for scam victims. Boundaries protect their emotional well-being and prevent further exploitation. Learning to say no and prioritizing their needs helps victims reclaim their autonomy.
Summary
The trauma of being scammed can lead victims to abandon their authenticity, causing long-term emotional and psychological harm. Drawing on Gabor Maté’s insights, it’s clear that acknowledging the trauma, practicing self-compassion, expressing true emotions, rebuilding trust, seeking professional support, and establishing boundaries are crucial steps toward healing. Reclaiming authenticity allows scam victims to reconnect with their true selves, fostering a sense of empowerment and resilience. By addressing the trauma and embracing their authenticity, scam victims can transform their experiences into a journey of recovery and self-discovery.
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Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
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Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
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Excellent article. My trauma therapist brought me back to my childhood to see what trauma I might have that could be affecting my present decisions. During the exercise I saw myself at six years old observing my mother and grandmother arguing about finances. She identified that as scarcity trauma. Besides, my out bring was based on manipulation, using the scarce resources as a mode to control me. It was until age 21, when I was able to stop being manipulated by my mother and grandmother, mostly because of respect and cultural expectations.
Then during another session, she asked me to find myself in a situation of control, when my decisions were correct. I found myself at age 50, making great decisions and being in control. She used the session to establish my worth and that it will be with me the rest of my life. That the experience of being deceived will not define me.
Both sessions had tough me to understand that I made a mistake, or maybe three, but that is only that, a mistake. Since then I am able to be kind to myself, express my true emotions and recover my authenticity. I recognize, that could not be done, without the help of a trauma therapist. I hope this story help others to identify, where they are in their recovery, and to find the strength to accept the need of professional help.