In Trust-Based Relationship Scams – It’s About the Criminal, Not About You the Scam Victim
It is Hard for Scam Victims to Understand that the Crime had Nothing to do with Them! It was just a Business Transaction for the Criminals!
Primary Category: Victimology
Authors:
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Scam victims often feel deeply betrayed and hurt, believing the scam was a personal attack on their emotions and intentions. However, it’s crucial to understand that relationship scams, whether involving romance, cryptocurrency investments, or other variants, are impersonal crimes driven by the scammer’s sole objective: financial gain.
Scammers operate with a cold detachment, seeing victims as targets rather than individuals, and they often run multiple scams simultaneously, using fake personas to manipulate emotions. Recognizing that the scam was not personal allows victims to separate their emotions from the crime, helping them to focus on recovery and self-protection rather than internalizing blame.
By understanding the impersonal nature of these scams, victims can heal without losing their capacity for love and trust, and move forward with confidence, setting healthy boundaries and raising awareness to prevent future scams.
Understanding the Impersonal Nature of Relationship Scams: It’s Not About You, It’s About Criminal Behavior
Being victimized by relationship scams – either romance scams, cryptocurrency investment scams, or one of the many other variants – can leave you feeling betrayed, emotionally shattered, and deeply hurt. It’s natural to question why someone would target you, especially when your intentions are pure and driven by genuine emotions. However, it’s crucial to understand that these scams are not personal attacks against you as an individual. Instead, they are calculated, impersonal crimes where the scammer sees you not as a person but as a target for financial gain.
Remember, it was just your turn this time. They did not pick you personally, they would have picked anyone who had money. You just had the bad luck to be the one they chose.
The Nature of Relationship Scams
We have said this before in many other articles. For the criminals it is not personal, it is just business!
Scammers engage in relationship scams with one goal in mind: to make money. These criminals are professionals who have honed their techniques to manipulate emotions and build trust quickly, all while maintaining a cold detachment from their victims. To them, this is just a business transaction. They use scripts, fake profiles, and carefully constructed personas designed to appeal to the emotions and vulnerabilities of potential victims. The affection, concern, and love they express are all part of the scam, not genuine emotions.
The scammer’s approach is entirely impersonal. They often run multiple scams simultaneously, targeting many individuals at once. For them, you are not a unique individual but part of a larger operation. They do not care about your feelings, your kindness, or your intentions. What they care about is extracting as much money as possible before moving on to the next victim.
It’s About the Crime, Not About You
One of the most challenging aspects of recovering from a relationship scam is separating your emotions from the crime. It’s easy to internalize the experience and blame yourself, thinking that your emotions or actions somehow made you a target. However, it’s essential to realize that the scam had nothing to do with you personally. The scammer didn’t choose you because of who you are; they targeted you because they saw an opportunity to exploit.
Your strong emotions, sensitivity, and capacity for love are not weaknesses—they are strengths. These qualities are what make you a caring and compassionate person. The scammer took advantage of these strengths, but this exploitation is a reflection of their criminal intent, not a reflection of any fault in you. The crime is entirely about the scammer’s greed and lack of morality, not about your worth or character.
Protecting Yourself Moving Forward
Understanding that the scam was not personal can help you in your recovery. It can allow you to reclaim your sense of self and your confidence. Moving forward, it’s important to protect yourself from future scams by being cautious, but this does not mean you need to change who you are fundamentally. You don’t need to become “hard as stone.” Instead, focus on setting boundaries, being aware of red flags, and seeking support when you feel vulnerable.
It’s also vital to remember that seeking justice is often difficult in these cases. Law enforcement may not be able to recover the money or catch the scammer, which can feel like another blow. However, understanding that these crimes are part of a larger, impersonal operation can help you focus on your healing rather than on the pursuit of justice. You can protect yourself and others by sharing your experience, raising awareness, and supporting organizations that work to prevent such scams.
It’s About Healing, Not Hardening
The world can seem harsh when you’ve been scammed, but remember that the softness of your heart is not a flaw. Your capacity for love and trust is what makes you human. The scammer’s actions are a reflection of their corruption, not of your value. By recognizing that the scam was not personal, you can begin to heal, protect yourself in the future, and continue to embrace the positive emotions that make you who you are.
See our resources below for support, education, and counseling.
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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