Quick Guide to Scam Victims’ Grief
SCARS Institute’s Quick Guide to Surviving Scam Victims’ Grief After a Relationship Scam
Primary Category: Scam Victims Recovery Psychology
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Healing from a relationship scam involves acknowledging and processing the complex grief that follows such a betrayal. It’s crucial to validate your emotions, understand the tactics used against you, and release any self-blame.
Taking small, achievable steps—like journaling, setting daily goals, and seeking social support—helps build resilience and foster self-trust. Rediscovering personal interests and considering professional counseling can aid in coping with the emotional aftermath. Ultimately, by reframing the experience as an opportunity for growth, you can gradually rebuild your identity, find new meaning, and move forward with renewed strength and confidence.
SCARS Institute’s Quick Guide to Surviving Scam Victims’ Grief After a Relationship Scam
Experiencing grief after a relationship scam is normal and valid, and it can be incredibly challenging.
You’ve faced a layered form of loss—not only the end of a relationship but also a betrayal of trust, identity, and self-worth. Moving from devastation to resilience takes time, self-care, and structured guidance. Alongside the emotional trauma, grief is a real part of healing from this crime. This guide offers empathetic steps to help you find a path toward recovery and rediscovery.
Recognize and Accept Your Grief
Grieving after a relationship scam is not only expected but necessary. Understand that grief is a natural response to emotional loss. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without suppressing them; accepting these feelings is the first step toward healing. Suppressing emotions can lead to long-term psychological harm, so embrace your feelings as part of your recovery.
Action Step: Start a daily journal to express your emotions, no matter how raw they feel. This practice will help you face your pain and make sense of complex feelings. You can find the official SCARS Institute Scam Victims-Survivor’s Journal at our bookshop at shop.AgainstScams.org
Validate Your Experience and Emotions
Shame or self-blame often comes with these experiences, so it’s essential to validate your own emotions. Remember, you were targeted by a scammer who used deliberate manipulation tactics, which can happen to anyone. Normalizing your reactions helps you separate your self-worth from the scam.
Action Step: Try a self-compassion exercise by writing a letter to yourself, as if a friend were offering understanding and kindness. This can help to reaffirm your worth and validate your grief.
Educate Yourself about Trauma and Emotional Manipulation
Understanding trauma, especially from emotional manipulation, can help you frame your experience objectively. Knowing that scammers use specific tactics and understanding their methods can reduce feelings of guilt. This knowledge reminds you that you were tricked through no fault of your own.
Action Step: Read trusted resources about relationship scams and manipulation, or enroll in the SCARS Institute’s free Scam Survivor’s School at www.SCARSeducation.org for structured information. Awareness provides a foundation to release self-blame and see your pain as a reaction to betrayal, not personal weakness.
Set Realistic Goals for Your Healing
Moving forward involves setting achievable, practical goals to build a sense of accomplishment. Breaking recovery into small steps makes it feel manageable and reminds you that you’re progressing, even slowly.
Action Step: Start with one small, meaningful daily goal, such as taking a walk or reading a few pages of a book. Even small steps reaffirm that healing is possible.
Find Social Support and Connection
Isolation can deepen grief, so reach out to trusted people—friends, family, or professionally managed support groups dedicated to scam survivors. You may feel embarrassed, but connecting with others can provide empathy and ease feelings of loneliness.
Action Step: Join a SCARS Institute support and recovery group online to connect with others who understand what you’re going through. You can sign up at support.AgainstScams.org.
Axios – Work on Restoring Your Self-Worth and Trust
A relationship scam affects your trust in others and in yourself. Rebuilding self-worth means learning to trust your own judgment again. Taking small risks in supportive environments can gradually restore your confidence.
Action Step: Practice small acts of self-trust, like making minor daily decisions without overthinking. Surrounding yourself with trustworthy people can also help repair social trust.
Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms
The grief from a relationship scam can lead to anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress. Cultivating healthy coping mechanisms, such as exercise, creative outlets, or relaxation methods, can ease your emotional strain and distress.
Action Step: Commit to self-care habits like daily walks, meditation, or creative expression. These regular practices build mental resilience, helping you handle difficult emotions more constructively.
Rediscover Meaning and Interests
Part of healing is rediscovering joy and purpose beyond the relationship. It’s common to feel detached from former interests, but over time, exploring new hobbies or returning to old passions can help you reconnect with yourself.
Action Step: Make a list of activities you once enjoyed or would like to try, starting with one small step each week. Pursuing these interests helps you rebuild your identity and renew your inner connection.
Seek Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, moving through the grief of a relationship scam requires professional help. Therapy can be essential if you’re struggling to manage emotions or if depression or anxiety is disrupting your life. A mental health professional can provide you with tools and perspectives for recovery.
Action Step: Explore therapy options, including SCARS Institute’s free counseling services (while available) at support.AgainstScams.org or look for therapists specializing in trauma and loss at counseling.AgainstScams.org.
Reframe the Experience as a Learning Opportunity
While it’s hard to see this immediately, every experience offers lessons. Over time, try to identify positive insights from this ordeal, such as a better understanding of your needs, resilience, or heightened awareness.
Action Step: Start a “Growth Journal” to note small lessons or strengths you recognize as you recover. This shifts your perspective, viewing the experience as a challenging chapter that builds character rather than defining you. You can find the official SCARS Institute Scam Victims-Survivor’s Journal at our bookshop at shop.AgainstScams.org
Remember
Healing from a relationship scam is a journey of rediscovery. By acknowledging your grief, validating your emotions, and gradually rebuilding trust in yourself, you can regain your sense of self and find new meaning in life. This process is yours to take at your own pace, with each step bringing you closer to a renewed, resilient self.
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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