Talking to Yourself and How It Helps Scam Victims
The Psychological and Emotional Benefits of Talking to Yourself – Especially for Scam Victims During Their Recovery
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Intended Audience: Scam Victims-Survivors / Family & Friends
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Talking to yourself or self-talk is often misunderstood, but it is a powerful cognitive and emotional tool that enhances problem-solving, memory retention, and self-awareness. Research suggests that verbalizing thoughts helps engage multiple brain regions, reinforcing learning and improving emotional regulation. Speaking to yourself provides structure, clarity, and focus, making it easier to process emotions, navigate complex decisions, and manage stress. For scam victims, self-talk is particularly valuable in recovery, helping them reframe negative self-perceptions, overcome shame, and regain confidence. By engaging in constructive self-dialogue, victims can shift their mindset from self-blame to learning, reinforcing resilience instead of despair.
Talking through emotions and reinforcing logical reasoning enables individuals to rebuild self-trust and better manage trauma-related triggers. Neurologically, self-talk strengthens executive function, reduces emotional impulsivity, and enhances cognitive flexibility, making it an essential practice for overcoming setbacks. Whether used for motivation, learning, or emotional healing, self-directed speech is not a sign of instability but a reflection of metacognition—the ability to think critically about one’s own thoughts. Embracing this practice allows individuals to gain insight, regulate emotions, and take control of their personal growth, ultimately transforming their ability to face challenges with greater awareness and resilience.
The Psychological and Emotional Benefits of Talking to Yourself – Especially for Scam Victims During Their Recovery
You might have been told at some point that talking to yourself is a sign of eccentricity or even instability. However, research and psychological insights suggest otherwise. Talking to yourself—whether out loud or internally—is a powerful tool for self-exploration, problem-solving, and memory retention. It is not a sign of losing touch with reality; rather, it is a method of engaging with your thoughts in a structured way.
Self-talk serves as a cognitive exercise that enhances clarity, helps you process emotions, and strengthens problem-solving abilities. It allows you to work through ideas as if you were having a conversation with another person, making your thoughts more tangible and structured. Instead of letting ideas swirl around in your mind, speaking them aloud or internally allows you to clarify them, leading to better decision-making and improved focus.
The Science Behind Talking to Yourself
Neurological and psychological studies support the idea that self-talk plays a fundamental role in cognitive function. When you verbalize your thoughts, you engage multiple parts of your brain, including the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for reasoning and decision-making, and the auditory cortex, which processes language. This engagement strengthens neural pathways, making it easier to retain and retrieve information later.
A study published in Psychonomic Bulletin & Review found that self-directed speech improves cognitive performance. Researchers observed that individuals who read instructions out loud were better at remembering and executing tasks than those who read silently. This suggests that speaking your thoughts reinforces memory by providing an additional sensory input—hearing your own words.
The brain treats self-directed speech similarly to a conversation with another person. This internal dialogue helps regulate emotions, organize thoughts, and provide motivation. When you talk to yourself, you are engaging in metacognition—the process of thinking about your own thinking. This is a critical skill for learning, planning, and adapting to new situations.
Enhancing Problem-Solving Through Self-Talk
Verbalizing your thoughts can help you work through complex problems by breaking them down into manageable parts. When you encounter a difficult situation, speaking about it forces you to articulate your concerns and explore different solutions. This process helps you focus on the logical aspects of a problem rather than becoming overwhelmed by emotions.
Self-directed speech also helps with creative problem-solving. When you talk through an issue, you are more likely to generate new perspectives and consider different approaches. By verbalizing potential solutions, you refine your thoughts and identify the most effective course of action. Many problem-solving techniques, including brainstorming and mind mapping, rely on externalizing thoughts, whether through speech or writing.
When working through an issue, you may find that speaking your thoughts aloud helps you distance yourself from emotional reactions. Instead of reacting impulsively, you can evaluate the problem objectively. This method is particularly useful for decision-making, as it allows you to weigh the pros and cons of different options without being clouded by immediate emotions.
The Emotional Benefits of Self-Talk
Talking to yourself is not just about cognitive enhancement—it also has emotional benefits. Self-talk can serve as a form of emotional regulation, helping you process difficult feelings and reduce stress. When you verbalize your emotions, you gain a clearer understanding of them, making it easier to address and manage them.
Positive self-talk can also improve motivation and resilience. Encouraging yourself with words of affirmation can boost confidence and reinforce your ability to overcome challenges. Athletes, for example, often use self-talk to stay focused and motivated during competition. By telling themselves they can succeed, they reinforce a mindset that enhances performance.
On the other hand, negative self-talk can be harmful. If you constantly criticize yourself, you reinforce self-doubt and anxiety. The key is to recognize and reframe negative thoughts into constructive ones. Instead of saying, I will never figure this out, try saying, This is challenging, but I can find a way to solve it. This shift in language can make a significant difference in your mental and emotional well-being.
Self-talk is also an effective tool for managing anxiety. When you talk through your fears, you can assess whether they are rational or exaggerated. By verbalizing concerns, you create a dialogue with yourself that allows you to challenge irrational thoughts and replace them with more balanced perspectives. This technique is often used in cognitive-behavioral therapy to help individuals manage stress and anxiety.
Retaining Information and Strengthening Memory
One of the most practical benefits of self-talk is its ability to enhance memory retention. Speaking information out loud helps encode it into long-term memory by engaging auditory processing. This is why students often find it helpful to read notes aloud when studying—it reinforces the material through multiple sensory channels.
A study in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology found that people who repeated words out loud were significantly better at remembering them compared to those who read them silently. The researchers concluded that hearing one’s own voice creates a stronger imprint in the brain, making recall easier.
Self-talk also improves focus and attention. When you narrate your actions—such as saying, I need to pick up my keys and phone before leaving—you create a mental checkpoint that makes you less likely to forget. This technique is particularly useful for individuals with ADHD or those who struggle with short-term memory lapses.
Strengthening Self-Awareness and Identity
Regular self-talk contributes to greater self-awareness by allowing you to examine your thoughts, values, and beliefs more deeply. When you engage in self-directed conversations, you gain insight into your motivations and behaviors. This process helps you align your actions with your goals, reinforcing a sense of purpose and identity.
Many people use self-talk as a way to practice difficult conversations or prepare for important situations. By rehearsing what you want to say, you gain confidence and clarity, making it easier to express yourself effectively when the moment arrives. This is particularly useful in professional and social settings, where clear communication is essential.
Self-talk can also help you navigate personal challenges by allowing you to process emotions privately before discussing them with others. This can prevent impulsive reactions and help you approach conversations with greater emotional control.
How Self-Talk Supports Scam Victims in Recovery
For scam victims, recovery is not just about financial or legal matters—it is a deeply psychological process that involves overcoming shame, rebuilding trust, and restoring self-confidence. One of the most effective tools in this journey is self-talk. By engaging in structured, intentional self-dialogue, scam victims can work through their emotions, challenge negative thoughts, and develop a stronger, more resilient mindset.
After falling for a scam, many victims struggle with self-blame and regret. They replay events in their minds, wondering how they could have missed the warning signs or why they trusted the scammer. This cycle of self-criticism can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of helplessness and even depression. However, self-talk can serve as a way to reframe these thoughts. Instead of repeating, I was so stupid for falling for this, victims can shift their inner dialogue to I was deceived by a professional manipulator, but I am learning from this experience. This subtle change in language can help victims break free from self-punishment and focus on moving forward.
Self-talk also helps scam victims process their trauma in a structured way. By verbalizing what happened—either out loud or in writing—victims can make sense of the experience rather than allowing it to remain an undefined source of pain. Speaking to oneself with kindness and logic reinforces the idea that while the scam was devastating, it does not define their identity. Instead of internalizing the experience as personal failure, victims can use self-talk to reinforce the truth: I was targeted because I am trusting, not because I am foolish. My ability to trust is a strength, and I can learn to use it wisely moving forward.
Using Self-Talk to Overcome Shame and Rebuild Confidence
One of the greatest emotional burdens scam victims face is shame. They often fear judgment from others and may even isolate themselves to avoid discussing what happened. Shame thrives in silence, and without an outlet for processing emotions, it can grow into a debilitating force that prevents healing. This is where self-talk becomes an essential tool—by actively speaking about their experience, victims can take control of their narrative rather than allowing shame to dictate their recovery.
Many victims struggle with trust after being deceived, questioning their ability to make good decisions. This lack of confidence can extend into personal relationships, work, and daily interactions. Through self-talk, victims can rebuild trust in themselves by reinforcing positive affirmations such as: I made a mistake, but I am learning to protect myself. I am capable of making good decisions with the right knowledge and awareness. This shift in internal dialogue helps restore self-trust and empowers victims to regain control over their lives.
Self-talk also plays a crucial role in managing triggers. Scam victims often experience moments of panic or distress when they encounter something that reminds them of their scam—whether it is an email that looks similar to the scammer’s messages or a financial setback that brings up past losses. In these moments, self-talk can act as an immediate grounding tool. Instead of spiraling into fear, victims can tell themselves, This is a reminder, but it does not mean I am in danger. I am in control, and I am taking steps to protect myself. Repeating these affirmations can interrupt negative thought patterns and provide a sense of stability.
By incorporating self-talk into their daily routine, scam victims can slowly rebuild their confidence, develop resilience, and reframe their experience from one of defeat to one of growth. Speaking to oneself with kindness, understanding, and logic transforms recovery into an active process rather than a passive struggle. In doing so, victims not only heal from their past experiences but also strengthen their ability to navigate future challenges with greater awareness and self-assurance.
How to Use Self-Talk Effectively
To maximize the benefits of self-talk, consider these strategies:
- Use positive and constructive language. Instead of focusing on self-criticism, frame your thoughts in a way that encourages growth and problem-solving.
- Speak in the second or third person. Research suggests that referring to yourself by name or using you instead of I can create psychological distance, making it easier to approach problems objectively.
- Be mindful of tone. Self-talk should be supportive rather than self-defeating. Recognize when your inner dialogue is becoming overly negative and make a conscious effort to shift it.
- Practice self-talk in different situations. Whether you are preparing for a presentation, working through a problem, or calming yourself during stress, using self-directed speech can reinforce focus and resilience.
- Combine self-talk with written reflection. Writing down your thoughts after speaking them aloud can further strengthen understanding and memory retention.
Conclusion
Talking to yourself is far from a sign of instability—it is a powerful cognitive and emotional tool that enhances problem-solving, memory retention, and self-awareness. When you verbalize your thoughts, you create structure and clarity, making it easier to navigate challenges and retain information. Whether you use self-talk for motivation, emotional regulation, or cognitive processing, it serves as a valuable practice for personal growth.
By embracing self-directed speech, you develop a deeper connection with your own mind, allowing you to think more critically, manage emotions effectively, and improve decision-making. Far from being an odd habit, talking to yourself is one of the most natural and beneficial ways to explore your thoughts and strengthen your mental resilience.
Learn more here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/defining-memories/202502/7-benefits-of-talking-to-ourselves-aloud
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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