The Challenge of Staying Present: A Human Struggle for Scam Victims
Staying Present & Mindful After Trauma: Why It’s So Hard for Scam Victims and How You Can Find Your Ground Again
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Intended Audience: Scam Victims-Survivors / Family & Friends
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
After falling victim to a scam, staying grounded in the present can feel almost impossible. Your mind may race through loops of regret or dread, replaying the betrayal or fearing what’s next. This isn’t a failure on your part—it’s how trauma rewires your brain, heightening fear responses and disrupting your ability to feel safe in the here and now. Emotional trauma fractures your sense of trust and security, making the present feel dangerous, hollow, or out of reach. Shame and self-blame add weight to that disconnection, keeping you anchored to the past or fearing future judgment.
Philosophers and psychologists alike have explored this human tendency to escape the present, especially when it feels unbearable. But returning to the now—through mindfulness, sensory grounding, structured routines, and self-compassion—is possible. These practices aren’t quick fixes, but they help you rebuild a foundation where healing can happen. When you learn to let go of shame, confront difficult emotions, and slowly establish new patterns of presence, you start to reclaim your sense of agency and peace. The present becomes more than a place of pain—it becomes a space where you can breathe again, one moment at a time.
Staying Present & Mindful After Trauma: Why It’s So Hard for Scam Victims and How You Can Find Your Ground Again
When you’ve endured emotional trauma—like the betrayal of trust in a scam—the present moment can become difficult to access. Your thoughts may constantly loop back to what happened, as if replaying the deception might somehow undo it. Or they may jump ahead, spinning into anxiety over whether you’ll ever feel whole again, whether you’ll be able to trust, or whether the damage can ever be repaired. In this state, the here and now doesn’t feel like a refuge. It feels unstable, hollow, or even dangerous. You might find yourself living in fragments of memory or projections of fear, all while your body remains anchored in the present you’re unable to fully inhabit. This disconnection is not weakness. It’s a natural response to psychological trauma—a way the mind tries to protect itself from further harm. But over time, it leaves you feeling disoriented, emotionally numb, or exhausted by vigilance. Learning how to gently return to the present—to this hour, this breath, this step—is not just a coping tool. It’s a step toward reclaiming safety, autonomy, and clarity after an experience that tried to take those things from you. The work of re-entering the present is slow and often uncomfortable, but it is also powerful. And you are not alone in learning how to do it.
The Challenge of Staying Present: A Human Struggle for Scam Victims
The Brain’s Response to Trauma
When you experience a scam, the emotional trauma can rewire how your brain processes time and reality. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that trauma survivors often exhibit heightened activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, which keeps them in a state of hyperarousal. This means your brain is constantly scanning for threats, making it hard to focus on the present moment. Instead, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of past regrets or future anxieties, as your brain tries to protect you from further harm.
This response is a survival mechanism, but it comes at a cost. The prefrontal cortex, which helps you regulate emotions and stay present, can become less active after trauma, according to a 2020 study in Neuropsychologia. This imbalance makes it difficult for you to anchor yourself in the now, as your mind prioritizes survival over mindfulness.
Trauma essentially hijacks the brain’s ability to stay in the present, forcing it into a state of constant vigilance, as neuroscientist Bessel van der Kolk explains in his book The Body Keeps the Score.
For you, this might manifest as intrusive thoughts about the scam—replaying conversations with the scammer or worrying about financial fallout—pulling you away from the present moment.
Emotional Trauma and the Loss of Safety
Beyond the neurological impact, emotional trauma, like a scam, shatters your sense of safety and trust, making the present feel unstable. When you were scammed, the betrayal likely left you questioning your judgment and the reliability of the world around you. This loss of grounding can make the present moment feel unsafe, as if danger lurks around every corner. A 2019 study in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders found that trauma survivors often experience a phenomenon called “emotional numbing,” where they disconnect from the present to avoid overwhelming feelings of fear or shame. For you, this might mean avoiding the reality of your current situation—your depleted bank account, your wounded trust—because it’s too painful to face.
Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard captures this struggle in his reflections on anxiety: The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.
After a scam, you might find yourself mourning the future you thought you’d have—financial security, a loving relationship—while also being haunted by the past betrayal. This dual pull makes the present feel like a fragile bridge between two unbearable places, one you’d rather not cross. Staying grounded requires rebuilding that sense of safety, a process that takes time and intentional effort.
The Role of Shame and Self-Blame
For scam victims, shame and self-blame can further disconnect you from the present. You might feel foolish for falling for the scam, replaying moments where you ignored red flags or trusted too easily. This self-criticism keeps you tethered to the past, as you ruminate on what you could have done differently. A 2021 study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that shame significantly increases rumination in trauma survivors, making it harder for them to engage with the present.
Shame is the lie someone told you about yourself, psychologist Anaïs Nin once wrote, and for you, that lie might be that you’re gullible or unworthy of trust.
This shame can also project into the future, as you worry about being judged by others or falling victim again. The present moment, where you might find peace or clarity, becomes overshadowed by these emotional burdens. Staying grounded requires you to release this shame, recognizing that the scam was not your fault but a deliberate act of manipulation by the scammer. Only then can you begin to root yourself in the now, free from the weight of self-blame.
Philosophical and Psychological Insights: Why the Present Feels Elusive
The Existential Dilemma of Time
Philosophers have long grappled with the human struggle to live in the present, a challenge that becomes even more pronounced after trauma. Martin Heidegger, in his work Being and Time, argues that humans are inherently “thrown” into the world, constantly projecting themselves into the future while being shaped by the past. For you, as a scam victim, this “thrownness” might feel intensified: the past betrayal defines your sense of self, while the future looms with uncertainty.
We are not truly present until we accept our being-in-the-world as it is, Heidegger suggests, but trauma makes this acceptance feel nearly impossible.
After a scam, your sense of “being-in-the-world” is disrupted. The trust you once had in others—and in yourself—has been shattered, making the present feel like a place of vulnerability rather than stability. Heidegger’s insight reminds you that staying grounded isn’t just about mindfulness; it’s about accepting the reality of your trauma and your current state, even when it’s painful. This acceptance can be a starting point for rooting yourself in the now, allowing you to move forward without being consumed by the past or future.
The Psychological Pull of Avoidance
Psychologist Carl Jung offers another perspective on why the present feels so elusive after trauma. What you resist, persists, Jung famously said, pointing to the human tendency to avoid painful emotions. For you, the emotional pain of the scam—grief, shame, anger—might be so intense that you instinctively push it away, focusing instead on the past or future as a form of escape. A 2022 study in the Journal of Clinical Psychology supports this idea, finding that trauma survivors often engage in “experiential avoidance,” where they suppress or avoid distressing emotions, leading to increased anxiety and disconnection from the present.
This avoidance can manifest in various ways. You might distract yourself with endless “what if” scenarios—What if I hadn’t sent that money? What if I get scammed again?—or numb yourself by avoiding the reality of your situation altogether.
Jung’s insight suggests that the more you resist these emotions, the more they dominate your mental landscape, pulling you further from the present. To stay grounded, you’ll need to confront these feelings head-on, allowing yourself to feel the pain of the scam without letting it define you.
Tips for Staying Grounded in the Present
Practice Mindful Awareness
One of the most effective ways to root yourself in the present is through mindful awareness, a practice that encourages you to focus on the here and now without judgment. Start by setting aside a few minutes each day to sit quietly and notice your surroundings. Pay attention to the sensations in your body—the feeling of your breath, the texture of the chair beneath you, the sounds around you. If your mind wanders to the scam or your worries, gently bring it back to the present moment. A 2017 study in Mindfulness found that regular mindfulness practice can reduce rumination and increase present-moment awareness in trauma survivors, helping you break the cycle of past-future thinking.
Mindfulness doesn’t erase the pain of the scam, but it helps you create a space where you can experience it without being overwhelmed. Over time, this practice can strengthen your ability to stay grounded, making the present a safer and more stable place to be. You might also try mindful activities like walking or eating, focusing fully on each step or bite to anchor yourself in the moment.
Ground Yourself with Sensory Techniques
Sensory grounding techniques can also help you stay present, especially during moments of intense anxiety or flashback. These techniques use your five senses to bring you back to the now, counteracting the brain’s tendency to drift. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method: identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. For example, you might notice the color of the walls, the texture of your clothing, the sound of a fan, the scent of coffee, and the taste of a mint. A 2019 study in the Journal of Anxiety, Stress & Coping found that sensory grounding significantly reduces acute stress in trauma survivors, helping you feel more connected to the present.
These techniques are particularly useful when you feel overwhelmed by thoughts of the scam. By focusing on your senses, you give your brain a concrete task that pulls you out of the past or future, grounding you in the reality of the moment. Practice this regularly, and you’ll find it easier to return to the present whenever your mind starts to wander.
Reframe Your Relationship with Shame
Releasing shame is crucial for staying grounded, as it allows you to fully inhabit the present without the weight of self-blame. Start by reframing your experience of the scam: instead of seeing it as a reflection of your worth, view it as a deliberate act of manipulation by the scammer.
The only shame in being human is the refusal to grow, philosopher Albert Camus once wrote, reminding you that mistakes are opportunities for growth, not indictments of your character.
You can also practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself as you would a dear friend. If you catch yourself thinking, I’m so stupid for falling for that scam, pause and reframe it: I was targeted by a skilled manipulator, and I’m learning from this experience. A 2020 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that self-compassion reduces shame and increases present-moment awareness in trauma survivors. By letting go of shame, you free yourself to engage with the present more fully, finding peace in who you are now rather than who you were when the scam happened.
Build a Routine to Anchor Your Day
Creating a daily routine can provide a sense of structure and stability, helping you stay grounded in the present. After a scam, your life might feel chaotic, with financial worries and emotional turmoil disrupting your sense of normalcy. A routine acts as an anchor, giving you predictable moments to focus on throughout the day. Start with simple habits: wake up at the same time each morning, set aside time for a mindful activity, and plan your meals. A 2018 study in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that structured routines improve emotional regulation in trauma survivors, making it easier to stay present.
For you, a routine might include a morning walk to clear your mind, a midday break to practice sensory grounding, and an evening journaling session to reflect on your day. These consistent practices create a rhythm that keeps you tethered to the present, reducing the pull of past regrets or future anxieties. Over time, this structure can help you rebuild the sense of safety that the scam disrupted, making the present a more comfortable place to be.
Embracing the Present as a Path to Healing
Staying grounded in the present after a scam is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to confront the emotional and psychological barriers that trauma creates. By understanding why it’s so hard—your brain’s survival mechanisms, the loss of safety, the weight of shame—you can begin to address these challenges with intention. Mindful awareness, sensory grounding, shame reframing, and a structured routine offer practical tools to help you root yourself in the now, creating a foundation for healing.
As you move forward, remember that the present is where healing happens. It’s where you can find moments of peace, rebuild your trust in yourself, and rediscover your strength.
The life of man is of a span so brief that he can scarcely afford to waste it in the past or the future, philosopher Henry David Thoreau once wrote, urging you to embrace the now as a gift.
With time and practice, you can learn to stay grounded, turning the present into a place of refuge rather than a battleground, and finding your way back to a life of balance and hope.
Conclusion: Reclaiming the Present After Trauma
The struggle to stay grounded in the present after a scam is a deeply human challenge, rooted in the brain’s response to trauma, the loss of safety, and the burden of shame. Your brain’s heightened fear response, as research shows, keeps you in a state of vigilance, pulling you away from the now and into loops of past regret or future worry. The emotional betrayal of a scam shatters your sense of trust, making the present feel unstable, while shame and self-blame tether you to the past, as studies on rumination highlight. Philosophers like Heidegger and Kierkegaard illuminate the existential difficulty of living in the moment, while psychologists like Jung and van der Kolk reveal how avoidance and neurological changes exacerbate this struggle. To find your ground again, you can practice mindful awareness to focus on the present, use sensory grounding techniques to anchor yourself, reframe shame through self-compassion, and build a daily routine for stability. These strategies, supported by research, help you rebuild a sense of safety and presence, allowing you to heal from the scam’s emotional wounds. By embracing the present, you create a space for recovery, turning a place of struggle into one of strength and renewal.
References
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/emotional-numbing
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11591838/
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9720153/
- https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-024-02418-2
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7612965/
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7500058/
- http://sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735821001318
- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/342151011_The_effects_of_self-critical_rumination_on_shame_and_stress_An_experimental_study
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- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
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If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
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- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
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