The Hidden Majority: Why Most Scam Victims Don’t Achieve Recovery—and How You Can Be the Exception
The Stories You Don’t See: Why Most Scam Victims Never See Recovery—and Why You Still Can
Primary Category: Scam Victims Recovery Psychology
Intended Audience: Scam Victims-Survivors / Family & Friends
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Most scam victims searching for comfort and direction after being deceived often turn to survivor stories—testimonies of people who have endured, struggled, and eventually found healing. These stories can inspire hope and provide examples of resilience. But what they rarely show is the reality that most victims—about 75%—do not recover. Their stories are not visible in forums or support websites because they’re silent, unfinished, or too painful to tell. This article explores the gap between the visible and invisible paths of recovery, warning against the illusion that healing is automatic or easy.
It highlights how shame, isolation, lack of support, and misunderstanding of trauma can lead to emotional stagnation, and it stresses that recovery is not something that happens to you—it’s something you choose to work toward, repeatedly, despite setbacks. Survivor stories should be used as motivation, not instruction. They can show what’s possible, but they can’t replace the hard, personal work required for each victim’s healing. True recovery demands structure, support, and relentless honesty. The truth may be that most don’t make it through—but that does not mean you can’t. If anything, it means your choice to keep going is more important than ever.
The Stories You Don’t See: Why Most Scam Victims Never See Recovery—and Why You Still Can
In the weeks and months after discovering a scam, many victims find themselves scrolling through online forums, recovery blogs, and advocacy websites. They are looking for something—guidance, clarity, hope. And often, they find it in the stories of other survivors. These narratives can be powerful: testimonials of heartbreak and recovery, stories of financial ruin followed by hard-won stability, emotional devastation that slowly gives way to strength. They are vital. But they are also incomplete.
What most victims never see are the untold stories of those who don’t recover. The silent 75% who fall into deeper emotional or financial despair. Those who give up, shut down, or carry the burden of their trauma quietly, never reaching resolution. These stories are missing not because they don’t matter, but because they are harder to tell—and harder to read.
This article is not meant to discourage you. It is meant to equip you. Because understanding why most scam victims don’t recover is the first step toward ensuring that you do.
The Comfort and the Illusion of Survivor Stories
It is natural to want proof that things will get better. Survivor stories offer that proof. They show you that recovery is possible. That life can go on. That people do move forward. In the early stages of recovery, that can feel like a lifeline.
But here is the hard truth: survivor stories are not representative. They are stories of exception, not rule. Most people who recover are the ones who fight for it, day after day, often in the face of tremendous internal resistance. They are the ones who seek help, confront their pain, and actively engage with the messy, uncertain work of healing.
When you read those stories, you are seeing the outcome of deliberate choices. What you don’t see is how many others started on the same path and then stopped. How many read the same articles, nodded along, and then disappeared back into silence.
Why Most Victims Don’t Recover
There are many reasons why recovery is so elusive for so many victims. Here are some of the most common and most powerful.
Shame
Scam victims often feel profound shame. Not just about the money lost or the relationship betrayed, but about what it says about them as a person. “How could I be so stupid?” “Why didn’t I see the signs?” This internal narrative becomes a wall. It prevents victims from seeking help, sharing their story, or even admitting the full extent of what happened.
Isolation
Shame breeds silence, and silence breeds isolation. Many victims withdraw from friends and family. They stop trusting others. They stop trusting themselves. Without a strong support network, it becomes incredibly difficult to process trauma or develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Lack of Support
Even when victims do try to talk about what happened, they are often met with confusion or judgment. People say things like, “I would never fall for that,” or “You must have been really desperate.” These responses are not just unhelpful—they are damaging. They reinforce the victim’s belief that they are alone, foolish, and beyond help.
Misunderstanding Trauma
Scam trauma is not just emotional. It is physiological. It rewires your brain, disrupts your nervous system, and alters your sense of self. Many victims assume that time will heal the damage, but trauma doesn’t work that way. Time helps, but only if you use it well. Without active intervention, the trauma persists.
Passive Recovery
One of the most dangerous assumptions is that recovery just happens. That if you read enough stories, wait long enough, and keep moving forward, healing will follow. But that is not how it works. Recovery is not passive. It is a series of hard, intentional, uncomfortable choices. It requires action, vulnerability, and persistence.
The Danger of Romanticizing Recovery
When we only see the end of the story—the part where the survivor is stable, strong, and back on their feet—we risk creating a false narrative. We begin to think that recovery is linear. That it is inevitable. That all we need to do is survive the worst part and then everything will slowly improve.
But real recovery is not like that. It is uneven, unpredictable, and often painful. There are setbacks. There are days when nothing seems to help. There are moments when you question whether you’re healing at all. And if you are not prepared for that reality, you are more likely to give up.
You may read a story and think, “I want that.” But what you really need to think is, “What did it take to get there?”
Recovery Is a Choice, Not a Guarantee
Every scam victim faces a fork in the road. One path leads to avoidance, denial, and emotional stagnation. The other leads to engagement, honesty, and growth. Neither path is easy. But only one leads to recovery.
Choosing recovery means choosing to feel what you don’t want to feel. It means facing your shame, your grief, your rage. It means talking to others even when you want to disappear. It means seeking help, asking questions, doing the work.
And it means doing those things not just once, but over and over again. Even when you’re tired. Even when you’re discouraged. Even when nothing seems to be changing.
You Will Want to Quit
Every survivor who tells their story had moments when they wanted to quit. They doubted their progress. They questioned their strength. They wondered if healing was even possible.
But they kept going. Not because they were stronger than you. Not because they had some secret skill or resource. But because they made a choice. And then they made it again. And again.
This is what it means to recover. Not to never fall, but to keep getting up.
What Recovery Actually Looks Like
Recovery is not a dramatic transformation. It is not a moment of revelation. It is a slow, quiet process that happens in small, ordinary steps.
It looks like writing in a journal even when you don’t know what to say. It looks like attending a support group even when you’re scared. It looks like setting boundaries with people who don’t understand. It looks like letting yourself cry, and then letting yourself laugh again. It looks like reading a survivor story and deciding, “I’m not there yet, but I’m still in this.”
And most of all, it looks like continuing. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
How to Use Survivor Stories the Right Way
Survivor stories are not false. But they are not the whole truth either. Use them for what they are meant to be: inspiration, not instruction.
Let them remind you that healing is possible. Let them show you what might be waiting for you if you stay the course. But don’t compare your timeline to someone else’s. Don’t use their success to measure your worth. Don’t assume their path will be your path.
And don’t assume that just because you’re reading them, you are recovering.
The Importance of Community and Structure
No one heals alone. Recovery requires connection. It requires guidance. It requires accountability.
That’s why structured recovery programs, professional support, and peer communities matter so much. They give you a framework. They give you people who understand. They give you tools to use when you don’t know what else to do.
If you’re serious about recovering, don’t rely on hope alone. Build a plan. Find your resources. Show up for yourself.
The Truth Is Not Hopeless
Yes, most scam victims do not recover. That is the truth.
But it is not the whole truth.
Because many victims do. Not by accident. Not by luck. But by choice. And if you are reading this, you are already closer to making that choice than you think.
You don’t have to be part of the 75% who stay stuck. You can join the 25% who find their way out. Who do the work. Who face the pain. Who live again.
It won’t be easy. But it will be worth it.
You still can.
And that’s what matters.
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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Please share your thoughts in a comment below!
The biggest and riskiest thing we will ever encounter is to be seen for who we really are. It is when the masks to continually people please and pretend to be someone we are not comes off that will show our vulnerabilities and how naked and uncomfortable we are. It is during these times that I need to be my own cheerleader, to show myself some grace and to come to my own rescue in spite of what others think. I can be honest with myself, take full responsibility for my own actions and be present, be conscious and be proud of the person I have become. That is how I know I’ve grown. That is how I know I’m on the right path to my own recovery.
Everyone walks their own path of recovery.
And although this path is different for everyone, achieving the goal to which it leads – recovery – requires each of us to have the willpower, the effort, the patience, the total commitment to this journey, to never give up, but to take another step forward every day, regardless of the challenges and obstacles encountered.
Being truthful about the success rate is important. It can be the motivation needed to keep going and make sure you hold space in the 25% who do succeed. You owe it to yourself to put in the work necessary to heal. Don’t let this define who you are!
La recuperacion implica tiempo, compromiso y constancia aun en esos días grises no debemos desistir de eso depende que podamos recuperar nuestra vida, nuestra confianza y sobre todo que podamos ver que apelar de todo vale la pena seguir adelante y escribir una nueva historia.
No estamos solas . Axios