Understanding the Artificial Barriers to Recovery that Many Scam Victims Create
Overcoming the Artificial Barriers to Recovery & Reluctance of Scam Victims to Participate in Their Own Recovery
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Intended Audience: Scam Victims-Survivors / Family & Friends
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Scam victims often struggle to commit to their own recovery, not because they lack the ability to heal, but because they unknowingly create barriers that prevent them from moving forward. These barriers frequently take the form of avoidance, denial, and self-imposed limitations, such as fearing judgment in support groups, hesitating to speak in recovery meetings, or convincing themselves that they are not yet ready to engage in the healing process. While these concerns may feel real, they are often excuses that allow victims to delay the difficult but necessary work of recovery. Instead of confronting their trauma, they retreat into isolation, prolonging their emotional distress and reinforcing their own suffering.
A major challenge in scam victim recovery is the illusion of privacy concerns and fear of exposure. Many victims claim that they cannot participate in group settings because they do not want others to know what happened to them. However, most recovery programs provide confidentiality, and fellow victims are not there to judge, but to support. The real issue is not privacy—it is the discomfort of admitting the truth of their experience. Speaking about the scam makes it real, forcing victims to face the painful emotions they have tried to suppress. This resistance to confrontation is a form of avoidance that only deepens their emotional wounds and prevents them from taking the steps needed to heal.
The SCARS Institute has addressed this issue by highlighting the importance of victim commitment in the recovery process. Dr. Tim McGuinness and Vianey Gonzalez emphasize that “recovery requires a decision,” meaning that victims must actively choose to engage in their healing rather than passively waiting for it to happen. The SCARS Manual of Logical Fallacies also identifies how certain cognitive biases keep victims trapped in cycles of self-blame and inaction, preventing them from making meaningful progress.
Ultimately, scam victims who refuse to participate in their own recovery risk staying stuck in a state of unresolved pain. While fear and discomfort are natural, they should not serve as excuses to avoid healing. True recovery demands engagement, accountability, and the willingness to step beyond artificial barriers. Those who commit to the process, even when it is difficult, find the strength to rebuild their lives and regain control over their future.
Overcoming the Artificial Barriers to Recovery & Reluctance of Scam Victims to Participate in Their Own Recovery
SCARS Institute Note: This is not a motivational article about scam victim recovery, it is a blunt and truthful account of how so many victims avoid their own recovery. If this is offensive then you may not be someone that we can help, and we advise you to seek a professional trauma therapist. Everyone can recover from these crimes if they allow themselves to remove their barriers to recovery, accept the reality of their situation, and make the commitment necessary. However, without that, they are unlikely to successfully recover – it is always in the victim’s own hands, or mind, as the case may be.
Introduction – Hard Truth
One of the most difficult truths for scam victims to accept is that recovery requires active participation. Many victims, after experiencing financial and emotional devastation, hesitate to take the necessary steps toward healing. They may avoid support groups, refuse to participate in discussions, or reject offers of help—all while expressing fears of being judged, shamed, or retraumatized. While these fears can feel real at the moment, they often serve as avoidance mechanisms rather than actual barriers.
Scam victims sometimes convince themselves that they cannot engage in recovery because they fear what others might think or say. They claim they are uncomfortable in support groups, reluctant to share their experiences in meetings, or afraid of being judged in an online setting. These concerns, while understandable, often mask a deeper resistance to confronting the reality of what has happened. Avoiding participation allows them to remain in a space where they do not have to take full responsibility for their healing, instead placing blame on external factors. However, this artificial reluctance only delays or stops progress and prolongs suffering.
The Illusion of Privacy and Fear of Judgment
One of the most common reasons victims give for avoiding recovery programs is a fear of exposure. They may say that they do not want to show their face on a Zoom call, speak in a support group, or engage in any public forum where their experience could be known to others. They often frame these concerns as issues of privacy, but in reality, they are mostly manifestations of shame.
Privacy is a valid concern in many areas of life, but scam support groups are designed to be confidential, safe spaces. Most victims participating in these programs share similar experiences and are not there to judge one another. The real issue is not that someone will recognize them or that their personal details will be exposed. The issue is that acknowledging the crime out loud forces them to face the painful truth of what happened. Speaking about it makes it real, and for many victims, that is an unbearable thought.
Instead of confronting that discomfort, they tell themselves that staying silent is the safer option. They convince themselves that avoiding support is a form of self-protection when, in reality, it is a way to avoid fully processing their trauma. They delay their own recovery because they are unwilling to accept the emotional labor required to heal.
The reality though is that they are not fooling anyone. Other victims and professionals recognize avoidance when they see it.
The Blame Game: How Avoidance Becomes an Excuse
Scam victims who resist participating in recovery often shift the blame onto external factors. They may say that the support group is not the right fit, that they do not like the way meetings are run, or that they are afraid someone will say something unkind. These concerns can sometimes be valid—no group is perfect—but they are also convenient excuses that prevent victims from having to engage in the hard work of healing.
It is easier to blame a support system for being inadequate than to admit personal reluctance to change.
It is easier to say, “I would participate, but I’m afraid someone will say something mean,” than to say, “I am afraid to hear the truth about what happened to me.”
It is easier to avoid the emotional effort required to face their trauma head-on. The problem is that by avoiding these difficult moments, they also avoid growth. They remain stuck in a cycle of pain, shame, and isolation, unable to move forward because they refuse to take the necessary steps.
Recovery is not about comfort. It is about doing what is necessary, even when it is difficult. It is about acknowledging fears and moving through them rather than using them as justification for inaction. The victims who make the most progress are those who push past their reluctance and take responsibility for their own healing. These become survivors.
The Hard Truth: No One Can Do It for You
One of the most important truths that scam victims must accept is that no one else can recover for them.
No support group, counselor, or friend can do the work on their behalf. Recovery is a personal process that requires an individual commitment to growth and change.
Victims who resist participation often expect healing to happen passively. They want to feel better but are unwilling to take the necessary steps to achieve that goal. They wait for time to heal them rather than actively engaging in their own recovery. But time alone does not heal trauma. Avoidance does not erase pain. Only action—no matter how uncomfortable—can lead to progress.
Healing from a scam is not easy. It requires confronting painful emotions, accepting difficult truths, and taking concrete steps toward rebuilding one’s life. That means engaging with others who have experienced similar trauma, participating in discussions that may be uncomfortable, and listening to advice that may be hard to hear. It means resisting the urge to retreat into isolation and instead choosing to face reality with courage.
It takes courage, that everyone has if they will just allow it to come through.
Moving Past Fear and Taking Responsibility
For those who find themselves stuck in avoidance, the first step is to acknowledge what is happening. Instead of saying, “I can’t participate because I’m afraid,” shift the mindset to, “I am afraid, but I will participate anyway.” Fear is a natural response to trauma, but it does not have to dictate behavior.
The next step is to take a small, manageable action toward recovery. That might mean joining a support group without speaking at first, attending a Zoom call but not speaking before gradually becoming more comfortable, or writing down thoughts about the scam experience before sharing them with others. Progress happens incrementally, but it requires a willingness to step outside of one’s comfort zone.
Victims must also recognize that no recovery process is perfect. Not every interaction will be free of discomfort. Not every support group will feel like the perfect fit. But waiting for the perfect, risk-free environment to heal is another form of avoidance. Growth happens in the face of challenges, not in the absence of them.
The purpose of a real recovery program is to help victims push through their triggers and discomfort, not to hide from them.
Recognizing Your Self-Imposed Barriers in Scam Recovery
One of the most critical aspects of recovering from a scam is recognizing whether you are unintentionally creating your own barriers to healing.
While it is natural to feel overwhelmed, ashamed, or fearful after being deceived, staying stuck in avoidance only prolongs the emotional pain. Many scam victims unknowingly allow denial or avoidance to control their recovery, making excuses that prevent them from taking meaningful steps forward.
How to Identify Self-Imposed Barriers
Self-imposed barriers often disguise themselves as logical concerns or self-protection, but they ultimately serve to keep you in a cycle of inaction. Recognizing them is the first step toward overcoming them. Here are some signs that you may be creating obstacles to your own recovery:
You Constantly Find Reasons to Avoid Support
If you repeatedly tell yourself that you are too busy, that a support group is not the right fit, or that you just do not feel ready yet, you may be avoiding recovery rather than truly considering what is best for you. Ask yourself whether your reasons for staying away are based on real concerns or just an excuse to avoid facing your emotions.
You Tell Yourself That No One Will Understand
A common form of self-sabotage is convincing yourself that no one else can relate to your experience. While every scam is different, the emotional impact is often similar among victims. If you reject support because you believe no one will “get it,” you may be shielding yourself from the discomfort of opening up.
You Fear Being Judged More Than You Fear Staying Stuck
Worrying about what others might think is natural, but if the fear of being judged is stronger than your desire to heal, it may be a sign of avoidance. The truth is that most people in scam recovery communities are focused on healing, not judging others.
You Insist That You Need to ‘Feel Ready’ Before Taking Action
Many victims delay recovery by telling themselves that they need more time before they can face their emotions or seek help. While healing does take time, waiting indefinitely to “feel ready” often means you are using time as an excuse. True readiness comes from action, not from waiting.
You Focus on External Barriers Instead of Internal Resistance
If you find yourself saying, “I would get help, but…” and listing external reasons such as privacy concerns, fear of technology, or dissatisfaction with available resources, take a step back. While external factors can play a role, they are often secondary to internal resistance. Ask yourself whether these obstacles are truly preventing you from engaging or if they are excuses that allow you to avoid facing reality.
You Dismiss Small Steps Because They Seem Insignificant
Recovery happens in small, gradual steps. If you resist participating in even small ways—such as reading about other victims’ experiences, joining a support group anonymously, or journaling about your emotions—you may be resisting progress altogether. Avoiding small steps often means avoiding change.
Moving Past Denial and Avoidance
Recognizing avoidance is not about blaming yourself—it is about taking responsibility for your healing. If you realize that you are engaging in any of these behaviors, remind yourself that you are in control of your recovery. Instead of focusing on what feels difficult, ask yourself, “What is one small step I can take today?” Progress begins when you stop making excuses and start taking action. By acknowledging these self-imposed barriers, you empower yourself to break free from them and move forward with confidence.
The SCARS Institute Perspective
The SCARS Institute has consistently emphasized the importance of victim commitment in the recovery process. In “The 20 Essential Axioms of Scam Victim-Survivor Recovery,” co-authored by Dr. Tim McGuinness and Vianey Gonzalez, Axiom 7 states: “Recovery Requires a Decision.” This principle highlights that active participation and a conscious decision to engage in recovery are crucial for healing. READ: The SCARS Institute’s 20 Essential Axioms for Successful Scam Victim-Survivor Recovery
Additionally, the SCARS Manual of Logical Fallacies, co-authored by Vianey Gonzalez and Dr. McGuinness, addresses how certain cognitive biases can hinder recovery. The manual notes: “Even after recognizing they have been scammed, these fallacies can inhibit their recovery, leading to prolonged emotional distress and difficulty in moving forward.” This underscores the necessity for victims to acknowledge and overcome these biases to facilitate effective recovery. READ: SCARS Manual of Logical Fallacies
Furthermore, testimonials from SCARS support group members reflect the organization’s dedication to fostering commitment among victims. One member from Germany shared: “SCARS provides the victims with constant education and support, and strongly motivates them to make progress in their process of recovery.” Such feedback illustrates SCARS’ role in encouraging victims to actively participate in their healing journey. READ: RomanceScamsNow Testimonials
Through these resources and insights, the SCARS Institute, along with professionals like Dr. McGuinness and Lic. Vianey Gonzalez aims to help scam victims recognize the importance of commitment in their recovery process.
See below for the SCARS Institute resources.
Conclusion
The reluctance that many scam victims feel about participating in their own recovery is an understandable but ultimately self-imposed barrier. Avoidance, whether framed as privacy concerns, fear of judgment, or discomfort with group settings, is often an excuse to delay facing the hard truths of what happened. While it may feel easier to withdraw and protect oneself from perceived risks, this only prolongs the pain and keeps victims trapped in the aftermath of their scam.
True recovery requires active engagement. It requires confronting fears, challenging excuses, and making a commitment to healing, even when it is uncomfortable. No one else can do this work for the victim. They must decide to step forward, take responsibility, and participate in their own recovery—because the alternative is to remain stuck in a cycle of avoidance and suffering.
Please Rate This Article
Please Leave Us Your Comment
Also, tell us of any topics we might have missed.
Leave a Reply
Thank you for your comment. You may receive an email to follow up. We never share your data with marketers.
Recent Reader Comments
on Scam Victim Resiliency – Why It Is So Much Worse After The Scam – Updated 2024: “I liked this article – I used to be resilient but in the last five years I have had trauma…” Mar 6, 21:14
on Japanese Geidō: Helping Scam Victims to Master Their Life and Art – 2025: “Thank you. I also found that art is one of the best relaxation methods and stimulators for many years.” Mar 6, 12:14
on Understanding the Artificial Barriers to Recovery that Many Scam Victims Create – 2025: “You seem to be in a deep struggle with your reality. The answer you are seeking may not be something…” Mar 3, 06:44
on Understanding the Artificial Barriers to Recovery that Many Scam Victims Create – 2025: “I keep denying that it’s a scam. I keep going back, wanting it to be real, while I know it’s…” Mar 3, 05:49
Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
-/ 30 /-
What do you think about this?
Please share your thoughts in a comment below!
I keep denying that it’s a scam. I keep going back, wanting it to be real, while I know it’s not. Why can’t I just stay away?
You seem to be in a deep struggle with your reality. The answer you are seeking may not be something you can handle on your own. We suggest that you find a trauma therapist to aid you going forward. Here is our therapist directory: https://counseling.AgainstScams.org
It is understandable that you may feel afraid or insecure about joining a support group.
The reality is that support groups are designed to be safe and confidential spaces. Most members have experienced similar challenges and understand the vulnerability that comes with sharing.
Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Support groups can help normalize experiences and reduce feelings of isolation.
Sharing and knowing the stories of other people who have gone through the same thing is beneficial to improve confidence and not feel alone
We know that the fear of reliving trauma could be a reason for hesitation about the possibility of talking about what they experienced, but the
truth of professionally facilitated support groups are designed to handle difficult conversations safely and respectfully.
can be assured that they can share at their own pace and that there is no pressure to reveal details that they are not comfortable with, participating in a support group can help them regain control by providing tools and strategies to manage challenges.
since autonomy and empowerment are encouraged, not dependency, hatred or revenge
There are also other benefits to joining and participating in support groups, such as reducing isolation, increasing emotional support, and developing coping skills.