A Scam Survivors’ Journey Across the Rubicon – a Different Perspective of Recovery
Crossing the Rubicon: Reclaiming Control After the Scam for Scam Survivors
Primary Category: Scam Survivors & Recovery Philosophy
Intended Audience: Scam Victims-Survivors / Family & Friends / General Public / Others
Author:
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Crossing the Rubicon is a powerful metaphor for the moment scam victims decide to reclaim their lives. The first Rubicon is discovering the truth—that what felt real was a calculated deception. But the deeper transformation begins when a victim chooses to stop letting the scam define their identity. This shift doesn’t always come with a dramatic gesture; it can be quiet and deeply personal, like deleting old messages, reporting the scam, or simply deciding not to wait for answers that will never come.
The struggle before this crossing often feels like emotional paralysis, driven by grief, confusion, and the loss of a future once believed in. Letting go of the fantasy—while still honoring the real emotions it evoked—is key to moving forward. Reporting the scam, even without legal resolution, becomes an act of reclaiming voice and agency.
The journey beyond the Rubicon is rarely smooth, but it brings clarity, momentum, and a return to self. Healing begins with the realization that you don’t need the scammer’s apology to take your life back—you only need the willingness to step forward. The past cannot be undone, but the future remains unwritten, waiting just across the river.
Crossing the Rubicon: Reclaiming Control After the Scam for Scam Survivors
What is the Rubicon?
The original Rubicon was a small river in northern Italy. It wasn’t wide or imposing. In fact, by most standards, it was little more than a shallow stream. But in 49 BCE, that modest waterway became the setting for one of the most consequential moments in Roman history.
You may already know the story. Julius Caesar, a general with both ambition and grievances, stood at the edge of that river facing a choice. Roman law forbade any general from bringing troops across the Rubicon and into Italy proper. Doing so would be considered treason—a direct threat to the Roman Senate.
But Caesar didn’t retreat. He crossed.
With that act, he committed to civil war. The words most often attributed to him—“Alea iacta est,” or “The die is cast”—signaled that there was no turning back. Caesar’s crossing marked the end of the Roman Republic and set the course for the rise of the Roman Empire.
The Rubicon itself remained small and unassuming, but the metaphor it created became enormous. Today, “crossing the Rubicon” means reaching the point of no return. It means making a decision so decisive that your old life, your old reality, is no longer an option.
If you’re a scam victim, you’ve likely stood at your own Rubicon—or you’re standing at it now.
The Modern Rubicon: What It Means for You
We tend to think of Rubicons in dramatic terms. Big decisions. Big consequences. But most Rubicons in life don’t involve armies or politics. They involve the quiet, powerful act of reclaiming control. They involve a moment—often private—where you decide to stop looking back and begin moving forward.
As someone who has been scammed, there are actually two Rubicons in your journey. The first comes when you discover the truth. That’s the moment when the illusion cracks, and the betrayal is exposed. You realize it wasn’t love, or opportunity, or friendship—it was manipulation.
But this first Rubicon, as significant as it is, doesn’t necessarily break the spell. It doesn’t immediately set you free. You may still find yourself emotionally entangled, still searching for explanations, still replaying conversations and wondering if any of it was real.
That’s where the second Rubicon comes in. It’s the more transformative one. It happens when you decide that, regardless of unanswered questions or unresolved emotions, you’re ready to stop letting the scam define your life.
That decision—to stop waiting, stop explaining, stop trying to make sense of what can’t be justified—is your true crossing. And it changes everything.
Before the Crossing: The Emotional Cage
Before you make that shift, it’s normal to feel trapped. You might recognize the scam intellectually, but emotionally, you’re still caught inside it. You still feel connected to the fantasy, even if you know it’s false. You still check your phone. You still reread old messages. You still wonder: What if it wasn’t all a lie?
That isn’t weakness. It’s grief. You weren’t just tricked out of money or personal information. You were drawn into a narrative—one that offered love, companionship, hope, or purpose. And when that narrative collapses, you don’t just lose the scammer. You lose a future you once believed in.
That emotional inertia can keep you circling in place, unsure how to move forward. It’s like being halfway across a bridge that’s starting to crumble, too scared to go back, but not yet brave enough to cross.
The Moment You Step Forward
When you finally cross your Rubicon, it may not feel dramatic. It might not even be something you say out loud. More often, it’s an inner shift—subtle but irreversible.
You might feel it when you delete the last photos. Or when you report the scam. Or when you say to yourself, “I don’t need them to admit it for me to know the truth.”
The moment will be yours. You’ll know it not because everything suddenly feels better, but because you stop looking for the past to resolve itself. You start thinking differently. You start asking new questions—not about them, but about you.
That’s when you begin to heal.
Letting Go of the Fantasy
Scammers are masterful storytellers. They know how to tap into what you need—whether it’s love, attention, validation, or a sense of belonging. Their story becomes your story. And when it’s taken from you, it can feel like a part of yourself has been stolen.
You may try to hold on to fragments of it. You might still wonder if they cared. You might reframe them as flawed but sincere. You might even fantasize that they’ll reach out again—not to scam you, but to apologize, explain, or give closure.
But here’s the hard truth: you cannot move forward while you’re still editing the fantasy.
Letting go doesn’t mean dismissing what you felt. It means acknowledging that what you felt was real—even if the person on the other end was not. It means recognizing that your feelings were authentic, even if they were used against you. And it means deciding that your future deserves to be based on truth, not illusion.
Reporting: The Rubicon Made Public
One of the most empowering steps you can take is reporting the scam. This act, simple on the surface, carries enormous emotional weight. Because when you report, you stop hiding. You stop carrying the shame as if it belongs to you.
You don’t have to go public. You don’t have to share it with the world. But when you choose to tell someone—a law enforcement agency, a reporting platform, a support group, or even a trusted friend—you reclaim something critical: your voice.
Reporting doesn’t guarantee justice. The scammer may never be caught. The money may never come back. But reporting is not about outcome. It’s about ownership. You’re saying, “This happened to me. I didn’t cause it. And I will not let it silence me.”
That’s a Rubicon. A big one.
Living Without Closure
After Caesar crossed the Rubicon, the world didn’t get calmer. It got messier. The Republic didn’t welcome him back. It collapsed. The battles didn’t end. They multiplied. But Caesar never turned around. He had made his choice, and history followed.
You may not get closure in the way you want. The scammer may never admit what they did. They may never be punished. You may never get all your questions answered.
But you don’t need closure to begin again.
You need courage. You need clarity. And you need to keep moving—not as someone who was fooled, but as someone who chose to step forward.
Building What Comes Next
Crossing your Rubicon isn’t the end of the story. It’s the beginning of a new chapter—one where you build with what’s left. That might mean finding a therapist. Reconnecting with people you pulled away from. Setting new boundaries. Exploring what brought you to the scam in the first place and learning how to protect yourself going forward.
It may also mean finding purpose in what happened. Some victims become advocates. Others support new victims. Some simply live more openly, more thoughtfully, more freely. There is no single way to recover. But all recovery starts with one decision: not to let the scam be the last defining event in your life.
The River Itself
The real Rubicon is still there. Historians debate its exact location, but something interesting remains true: for all its symbolic weight, the river itself is still small, still quiet, still easily crossed.
That’s how your Rubicon may feel. Not like a battle, but like a choice. One you make on a random afternoon. One you don’t announce. One you may not even fully recognize until days later.
But once you cross it, you’ll know.
Because the scam stops controlling your narrative.
Because the silence stops defining your identity.
Because the future starts to open—not all at once, but steadily.
And most of all, because you feel something different. Not certainty, not triumph, but momentum. You’re no longer standing still. You’re walking again.
If You’re Still Standing at the Edge
If you haven’t crossed yet, that’s okay.
Everyone’s Rubicon looks different. For some, it takes days. For others, it takes years. The important thing is that you don’t rush yourself—or shame yourself. The crossing is personal. You’ll know when you’re ready. You’ll feel it when you’ve had enough of waiting for something that isn’t coming.
When that moment arrives, you’ll be tempted to turn back. That’s normal. But remember: the stream may look shallow, but the step is deep. It’s not about physical distance. It’s about emotional commitment.
Once you step forward—fully, truly—you’ll never have to go back.
You’ll still have hard days. But you’ll face them with a different posture. You’ll still feel waves of sadness or anger. But you’ll stand in them with your head above water.
Because you’ll know where you are.
You’ll know who you are.
You’ll be on the other side.
The Final Step
You may not get to erase the past. But you get to define the present. You get to choose what happens next. And that power—quiet, steady, unwavering—is stronger than any scam.
You don’t need their apology.
You don’t need their confession.
You need your life back.
And your life is still here.
Right across the river.
Waiting for you.
Please Rate This Article
Please Leave Us Your Comment
Also, tell us of any topics we might have missed.
Leave a Reply
Thank you for your comment. You may receive an email to follow up. We never share your data with marketers.
Recent Reader Comments
on A Reflection on Christ’s Suffering and Radical Acceptance of the Worst Possible Outcome – 2025: “A strong message, especially at this time of Easter!” Apr 19, 23:16
on A Small Drop Of Insight About Victims’ Trauma: “This lesson was very impactful for me. I have experiences these short-circuit flashbacks and it does bring back the trauma.…” Apr 19, 16:05
on What is Karma – Not From an Eastern Perspective But From a Psychological Point of View – 2025: “This is so informative! It is absolutely what I see daily and it is a trap anyone can fall into…” Apr 19, 15:43
on The Little Mermaid – A Tale of Self-Deception – A Cautionary Story for Scam Victims – 2025: “This is an appeal not only to parents, grandparents but also teachers. Let’s teach the young to distinguish good from…” Apr 19, 10:46
on What is Karma – Not From an Eastern Perspective But From a Psychological Point of View – 2025: “This is a completely different perspective of karma, that I wasn’t familiar with. I always thought of it as: you…” Apr 18, 20:11
on The Deception of Peter Pan – A New View of a Favorite Story – 2025: “You are right. But the more we look through the lens of criminology, the more we see the patterns.” Apr 18, 16:18
on The Deception of Peter Pan – A New View of a Favorite Story – 2025: “When you dive deep into the stories and realize how they compare to scams it’s amazing” Apr 18, 09:36
Important Information for New Scam Victims
Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
-/ 30 /-
What do you think about this?
Please share your thoughts in a comment below!
More ScamsNOW.com Articles
I am acutely aware that my new life will cost me my old life. I embrace it with care and grace. Stepping into the unknown is scary for me, but it is where I must go to grow and become the person I was meant to be. Courage, kindness and resilience is excruciatingly slow to come by in my journey lately, but I show up daily to try and try again. Healing takes time and sometimes it helps to remind myself of that. This article helps to remind me of how far I’ve come. I am grateful!