Having An Identity Crisis Because Of The Scam And Loss

Helping Scam Victims to Understand the Psychological Effects of Relationship Scams

•  Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Psychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

About This Article

Experiencing a significant loss, whether it’s due to a romance scam, investment fraud, divorce, job termination, or business failure, often triggers a profound identity crisis. This crisis induces a deep sense of failure in individuals as they grapple with the disruption to their core beliefs, values, and sense of self-worth.

Victims of scams, in particular, face a unique challenge as they confront the betrayal of trust and the shattered illusions they held about love, intimacy, or financial security. This assault on their core beliefs leads to a range of emotional responses, from shock and disbelief to anger, sadness, and despair.

Victims struggle to reconcile their previous identity with the harsh reality of their situation, experiencing trauma in the process. However, with support from loved ones, counseling, and a commitment to self-reflection and growth, individuals can navigate this crisis, ultimately emerging stronger and more resilient than before.

Through this transformative journey, they can reclaim their sense of self and find meaning and purpose in their lives once again.

SCARS Scam Victim Support & Recovery Program

When Someone has  a Major Loss in their life it can trigger a substantial Identity Crisis, and this is especially true because of a Scam

One of the less recognized aspects of our society is how often we cause despair and a profound identity crisis in others.

People become victims of crime, get terminated from their jobs, lose a relationship, divorce, lose loved ones, have business failures, and everyone just tells them to get over it. Or they tell them to give it time. But very often these are not so simple as just grief (not that grief is ever simple) or a temporary disruption in their life, they can be deep crises of identity that shake a person to their core, and with that can come trauma – an injury that has to heal.

Everyone experiences these at some point in their lives but for scam victims (an others,) this can be life-threatening since this is one of the principal causes of scam victim suicide.

Identity Crisis

Losing one’s identity or sense of self, whether through job loss, divorce, financial fraud or scam, betrayal, or business failure, can have profound psychological implications that extend far beyond the immediate circumstances – these become a true identity crisis.

These major life events often trigger an identity crisis, challenging fundamental aspects of self-concept, purpose, and belonging.

The loss can erode self-esteem, leading to feelings of inadequacy, failure, and shame. Emotional turmoil ensues, with individuals grappling with grief (from the loss,) sadness, anger, anxiety, and despair as they mourn the loss of their former identity and associated dreams, and real trauma from their response to it and its aftermath.

Existential questions about the meaning and purpose of life naturally arise, contributing to feelings of meaninglessness and existential dread. Social isolation often follows as individuals withdraw or fear judgment from others making it that much harder to move forward.

Loss of control over one’s life and future exacerbates feelings of vulnerability and helplessness. Financial strain, if present, intensifies stress and desperation. Trust in oneself, others, and the world erodes, which can often lead to cynicism and guardedness.

However, amidst the challenges, many individuals find resilience, strength, and growth through adaptation and rebuilding. They discover new aspects of themselves, develop greater self-awareness, and forge deeper connections with others. Through self-reflection, real support in support groups and counseling, and embracing change, individuals can navigate identity loss and emerge with newfound resilience and wisdom. Unfortunately, not everyone can make that journey and instead remain emotionally paralyzed.

The Scam Victim’s Identity Crisis

When someone falls victim to a romance or investment scam (or any other relationship scam,) it often triggers a profound identity crisis.

In the case of a romance scam, the victim’s sense of self may be deeply intertwined with the relationship they believed they had formed. Discovering that the person they trusted and cared for was deceitful and fake shatters not only their perception of the scammer but also their own understanding of love, trust, and intimacy. They question their judgment, their ability to discern truth from deception, and their worthiness of love and companionship. The loss of the romantic relationship can leave a void in their identity, as they grapple with feelings of betrayal, heartbreak, and loneliness.

Similarly, in an investment scam, the victim’s identity may be closely linked to their financial success or aspirations. Losing a significant amount of money to fraud not only inflicts financial harm but also strikes at the core of their beliefs about themselves as competent and knowledgeable individuals. The realization that they have been duped can lead to profound shame, self-doubt, and a loss of confidence in their ability to make sound decisions. Their financial losses may jeopardize their sense of security, stability, and future prospects, triggering anxiety, stress, and despair.

In both scenarios, the aftermath of the scam can lead to a crisis of identity as victims grapple with the profound disruption to their core beliefs, ideas of independence and knowledge, and sense of self. They will struggle to reconcile the disparity between their previous beliefs and the harsh reality of their situation. Trust, not just in others but in one’s self, which forms a fundamental component of identity, is shattered, leaving victims wary of others and unsure of who they can rely on, or even if they can trust themselves. The loss of trust extends beyond the immediate scammer to institutions, authorities, and even and especially themselves.

As victims are forced to confront this identity crisis, they often experience a range of emotions and trauma responses, from shock and fear to anger or sadness to confusion to denial and disbelief. Those who stay fixed in reality will question their values, beliefs, and priorities, reevaluating their goals and aspirations in light of their experiences. The process of rebuilding their identity can be arduous, requiring introspection, self-compassion, and support from others (such as support groups.) Therapy and counseling can provide a safe space for victims to explore their feelings, make sense of their experiences, and chart a path forward. Over time, with rebuilt resilience and determination, victims can reclaim their sense of self, finding strength in their ability to overcome adversity and rebuild their lives.

Exploring this Identity Crisis

Losing one’s own sense of identity, whether through job loss, divorce, financial or relationship scam/fraud, betrayal, or business failure, can have profound psychological implications that extend far beyond the immediate circumstances. Identity loss challenges fundamental aspects of self-concept, sense of purpose, and belonging, often triggering a cascade of emotional and psychological responses.

Almost universally in our society, we ignore the deep psychological wounds this creates!

  1. Identity Crisis: Losing a job, marriage, financial stability, or business shatters a person’s identity that they have constructed over time. This loss disrupts their sense of self-worth, competence, and purpose, leaving them questioning who they are and what their place is in the world.
  2. Loss of Self-Esteem: Identity loss erodes self-esteem and self-confidence, leading to feelings of inadequacy, failure, and shame. Individuals internalize the loss as a reflection of their worthiness, competence, or value as a person, further undermining their self-esteem.
  3. Emotional Turmoil: The experience of identity loss often triggers intense emotional reactions, including grief, sadness, anger, anxiety, despair, and especially trauma. Individuals mourn the loss of their former identity, as well as the dreams, aspirations, and expectations associated with it.
  4. Existential Crisis: Losing a significant aspect of one’s identity precipitates an existential crisis, prompting individuals to confront fundamental questions about the meaning and purpose of life, especially when it involves fraud or something they see as fundamentally unfair. They grapple with feelings of meaninglessness, nihilism, or existential dread as they struggle to make sense of their changed circumstances and this can easily turn into anger, rage, and hate.
  5. Social Isolation: Identity loss strains social relationships and leads to social withdrawal or isolation. Individuals feel disconnected from others who cannot relate to their experiences, or they may fear judgment, rejection, or pity from friends, family, or peers.
  6. Loss of Control: Losing one’s identity often entails a loss of control over one’s life and future. Individuals may feel powerless, vulnerable, or helpless in the face of unpredictable and uncontrollable events, exacerbating feelings of anxiety, stress, or despair.
  7. Loss of Purpose: Identity loss can rob individuals of their sense of purpose, direction, and meaning in life. They may struggle to find new sources of meaning or fulfillment to replace what was lost, leading to a sense of emptiness or existential void.
  8. Financial Strain: In cases of financial scams or business failure, identity loss may be compounded by financial strain, debt, or economic instability. This can intensify feelings of stress, pressure, or desperation as individuals struggle to regain financial stability and security.
  9. Loss of Trust: Identity loss can erode trust in oneself, others, and the world at large. Individuals may become cynical, guarded, or skeptical of future opportunities, relationships, or endeavors, fearing that they may suffer further betrayal, disappointment, or loss.

Losing one’s identity can have far-reaching psychological consequences, impacting self-esteem, emotional well-being, social relationships, and existential outlook. However, through self-reflection, support from others, and a willingness to embrace change, individuals can navigate the complexities of identity loss and emerge from the experience with newfound resilience, wisdom, and growth.

An Identity Crisis Leads to Feelings of Failure

Experiencing an identity crisis due to circumstances such as job loss, divorce, financial setbacks from scams, loss of a relationship, betrayal, or business failure can evoke a profound sense of failure in individuals.

They often perceive these events as personal shortcomings or inadequacies, leading to feelings of self-doubt, guilt, and shame.

For example, someone who loses their job might question their professional competence and worth, feeling they failed to meet expectations or secure their livelihood. Similarly, individuals facing divorce may feel like they’ve failed in their relationship or failed to maintain their family unit. Financial setbacks from scams or business failures can exacerbate these feelings, as individuals grapple with the consequences of their decisions and the impact on their sense of identity and success. Overall, the experience of an identity crisis amid such challenges is emotionally distressing for almost anyone, heightening feelings of failure and uncertainty about one’s place in the world, and this in turn can lead to the development of trauma.

Coping with the Identity Crisis

Coping with the loss of identity and purpose following a scam, such as a romance or crypto investment scam, or another type of loss, can be a challenging journey, but it’s possible to overcome and transform the experience into something better.

Here are some strategies to help:

  1. Acknowledge and Accept Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the range of emotions that come with the loss, including anger, betrayal, sadness, and confusion. Recognize that these feelings are valid and are natural responses to the trauma you’ve experienced.
  2. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups (such as SCARS) who can offer empathy, validation, and understanding. Talking about your experience with trusted individuals can help you process your emotions and gain perspective.
  3. Professional Counseling: Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, learn coping strategies, and rebuild your sense of self.
  4. Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This may include exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, practicing relaxation techniques, or engaging in hobbies and interests that bring you joy.
  5. Rebuild Self-Confidence: Recognize that becoming a victim of a scam does not define your worth or intelligence – anyone can be scammed and eventually, everyone will be scammed. Take small steps to rebuild your self-confidence by setting achievable goals, celebrating your accomplishments, and challenging negative self-talk.
  6. Reconnect with Your Values: Reflect on your core values, beliefs, and passions that give meaning to your life. Reconnecting with what matters most to you can help restore a sense of purpose and direction.
  7. Learn from the Experience: While it’s natural to feel ashamed or embarrassed about being scammed or whatever the loss was, try to reframe the experience as a learning opportunity. Identify your biases and vulnerabilities that made you susceptible to the scam and use this knowledge to protect yourself in the future.
  8. Engage in Positive Activities: Channel your energy into activities that promote personal growth, resilience, and empowerment. This may include volunteering, pursuing educational or career goals, or participating in advocacy work related to scam prevention.
  9. Practice Forgiveness: Let go of resentment and anger towards the scammer and yourself. Forgiveness does not mean condoning the scammer’s actions but releasing yourself from the emotional burden of holding onto grudges.
  10. Focus on the Present and Future: Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on building a fulfilling and meaningful life in the present and future. Set new goals, cultivate new relationships, and embrace new opportunities for growth and happiness.
  11. Resilience and Growth: Despite the profound challenges posed by identity loss, many individuals ultimately find resilience, strength, and growth through the process of adaptation and rebuilding. They may discover new aspects of themselves, develop greater self-awareness and resilience, and forge deeper connections with others who have undergone similar experiences.


Ultimately, transforming the assault on your core beliefs into something better requires resilience, self-compassion, and a willingness to seek support and learn from the experience. By taking proactive steps to heal and rebuild, you can emerge stronger, wiser, and more empowered than before.


“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” – Dalai Lama

Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.

SCARS Resources:

PLEASE NOTE: Psychology Clarification

The following specific modalities within the practice of psychology are restricted to psychologists appropriately trained in the use of such modalities:

  • Diagnosis: The diagnosis of mental, emotional, or brain disorders and related behaviors.
  • Psychoanalysis: Psychoanalysis is a type of therapy that focuses on helping individuals to understand and resolve unconscious conflicts.
  • Hypnosis: Hypnosis is a state of trance in which individuals are more susceptible to suggestion. It can be used to treat a variety of conditions, including anxiety, depression, and pain.
  • Biofeedback: Biofeedback is a type of therapy that teaches individuals to control their bodily functions, such as heart rate and blood pressure. It can be used to treat a variety of conditions, including stress, anxiety, and pain.
  • Behavioral analysis: Behavioral analysis is a type of therapy that focuses on changing individuals’ behaviors. It is often used to treat conditions such as autism and ADHD.
    Neuropsychology: Neuropsychology is a type of psychology that focuses on the relationship between the brain and behavior. It is often used to assess and treat cognitive impairments caused by brain injuries or diseases.

SCARS and the members of the SCARS Team do not engage in any of the above modalities in relationship to scam victims. SCARS is not a mental healthcare provider and recognizes the importance of professionalism and separation between its work and that of the licensed practice of psychology.

SCARS is an educational provider of generalized self-help information that individuals can use for their own benefit to achieve their own goals related to emotional trauma. SCARS recommends that all scam victims see professional counselors or therapists to help them determine the suitability of any specific information or practices that may help them.

SCARS cannot diagnose or treat any individuals, nor can it state the effectiveness of any educational information that it may provide, regardless of its experience in interacting with traumatized scam victims over time. All information that SCARS provides is purely for general educational purposes to help scam victims become aware of and better understand the topics and to be able to dialog with their counselors or therapists.

It is important that all readers understand these distinctions and that they apply the information that SCARS may publish at their own risk, and should do so only after consulting a licensed psychologist or mental healthcare provider.


The opinions of the author are not necessarily those of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. The author is solely responsible for the content of their work. SCARS is protected under the Communications Decency Act (CDA) section 230 from liability.







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