Trauma Responses or Just Personality Traits in Scam Victims?
Many of the So-Called Personality Traits that Can Become Vulnerabilities in a Scam are Not Personality Traits, they are the Remnants of Past Traumas
Primary Category: Scam Victim Recovery Psychology
Authors:
• Vianey Gonzalez B.Sc(Psych) – Psychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
• Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
About This Article
Many people unknowingly mistake trauma responses for aspects of their personality, not realizing that behaviors like chronic over-apologizing, people-pleasing, or inability to accept compliments are coping mechanisms rooted in past emotional pain. These responses often develop in reaction to trauma, where the brain adapts to perceived danger or emotional harm.
For scam victims, recognizing these behaviors as trauma responses rather than personality traits is crucial for recovery. It allows them to confront core issues such as mistrust or a need for validation, empowering them to rebuild boundaries and self-confidence.
Understanding that these patterns are not inherent flaws but protective adaptations helps victims address vulnerabilities, heal from their emotional wounds, and reduce susceptibility to future manipulation. Recognizing and addressing trauma-based behaviors is an essential step toward breaking free from the limitations that trauma has imposed.
Mistaking Trauma Responses for Personality Traits and Why it is Important to Recognize Then for What They Really Are
Introduction to Mistaken Trauma Responses
Many people live with trauma responses without realizing it, often mistaking them for fixed aspects of their personality. Behaviors such as an inability to accept compliments, chronic over-apologizing, or a persistent need for control are sometimes seen as personality quirks, but they may actually be coping mechanisms developed in response to past trauma. These behaviors, while they may seem normal or harmless on the surface, are often ways the brain has adapted to navigate unsafe environments or emotional pain. The lines between personality and trauma responses can blur, making it difficult for individuals to recognize that what they consider as “just the way they are” may actually stem from unresolved emotional wounds. Acknowledging these patterns is a key step toward healing, self-awareness, and breaking free from the limiting effects of trauma.
Understanding Trauma Responses
Understanding that trauma responses can be mistaken for personality traits is vital for scam victims as they navigate the recovery process. After experiencing the intense betrayal of a scam, victims may unknowingly rely on maladaptive coping mechanisms that make it difficult to address the core issues that helped to make them vulnerable in the first place. Recognizing trauma-based behaviors helps them understand that their reactions—such as mistrust, hypervigilance, over-apologizing, people-pleasing, or even self-blame—are rooted in trauma, not inherent personality flaws.
This understanding is essential in overcoming the emotional impact of the scam because it allows victims to recognize that they are not inherently “weak” or “gullible.” Instead, they can see that these reactions are protective measures their minds have developed in response to the betrayal. By identifying these as trauma responses rather than personality traits, victims can more effectively target their vulnerabilities, such as tendencies toward overtrust or a need for external validation, and work on strategies to rebuild self-confidence and boundaries.
Facilitating recovery involves transforming these trauma responses into healthier coping mechanisms. Victims who recognize that their behavior is trauma-driven can address underlying vulnerabilities that may have contributed to the scam. For instance, learning to accept compliments or assert boundaries helps victims regain control over their emotional lives, making them less susceptible to future scams and improving overall resilience.
Trauma Responses Mistaken for Personality Traits
Trauma can deeply impact your sense of self and how you interact with others. Here are several signs of trauma that may feel like they are simply part of your personality, but are actually coping mechanisms rooted in past experiences
A Brief Catalog of Common Trauma Responses
Inability to Accept Compliments: If you struggle to accept compliments and feel unworthy of praise, it could be a result of trauma that damaged your self-esteem. Individuals who experienced emotional abuse or neglect, particularly in childhood, often internalize feelings of inadequacy. Compliments can feel uncomfortable because they contradict the negative self-image that trauma has reinforced. You might think, “They don’t really mean that,” or “I’m not good enough.”
Saying Sorry Too Much: Apologizing excessively, even when you haven’t done anything wrong, is often rooted in trauma where you were frequently blamed for things beyond your control. This behavior may have developed as a survival mechanism, particularly if you grew up in an environment where you were unjustly criticized or held responsible for problems. Saying sorry becomes an automatic way to defuse conflict and avoid blame.
Saying Thank You Too Much: Over-thanking people for acts of kindness might stem from feeling unworthy of kindness or care. If you’ve experienced emotional neglect or abuse, you may feel as though any kindness shown to you is undeserved. Over-expressing gratitude can reflect an internalized belief that kindness is rare, or that you must overcompensate to justify receiving it.
Hyper-independence: Extreme self-reliance is often a response to trauma where others—perhaps caregivers or trusted individuals—failed to provide support. This response develops as a way to protect yourself from further disappointment or betrayal. Hyper-independence can look like an admirable trait, but it often masks deep fears of vulnerability and trusting others.
Emotional Numbness: Feeling detached or unable to fully experience emotions may seem like a stoic personality trait, but emotional numbness is a common defense mechanism after trauma. It develops when a person experiences such overwhelming pain or distress that their mind “shuts down” to protect them from feeling too much. This can result from repeated exposure to emotional or physical harm.
People-Pleasing: People-pleasing behaviors often arise from trauma, especially if you grew up in a chaotic or abusive environment where keeping others happy was a way to stay safe. Always putting others’ needs first can stem from the belief that your value depends on how well you can avoid conflict or ensure others are content, making it difficult to set boundaries.
Perfectionism: Perfectionism often masks feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure rooted in trauma. People who experienced harsh criticism or unrealistic expectations during childhood may develop perfectionistic tendencies to avoid disapproval or rejection. Striving for perfection becomes a way to maintain control and avoid feelings of shame.
Overreacting to Minor Triggers: Emotional overreactions, especially to seemingly small triggers, are often a sign of unresolved trauma. These reactions stem from past experiences where you may have felt unsafe or powerless, and similar situations—no matter how minor—cause an intense emotional response, as if the original trauma is being relived.
Fear of Abandonment: This deep-seated fear may manifest as insecurity or clinginess in relationships. It often arises from early trauma, such as neglect or the loss of a caregiver, where abandonment (either real or perceived) left a lasting scar. Even small signs of distance from loved ones can trigger overwhelming feelings of anxiety or fear.
Constant Overthinking or Hypervigilance: If you’re always scanning for danger or mentally over-preparing for the worst-case scenario, it may be due to hypervigilance—a common symptom of trauma. This is often seen in people who’ve experienced unpredictable environments, where being alert was necessary for safety. Overthinking becomes a way to regain a sense of control.
Inability to Remember Childhood: Difficulty recalling your childhood, particularly the details of certain years, can be a trauma response. When the mind is overwhelmed by distressing experiences, it may block out memories as a way to protect you from reliving that pain. This dissociative response can leave gaps in your memory, making it feel like those years are simply a blur.
Fear of Success: Sometimes people who’ve experienced trauma avoid success or downplay their achievements because success can feel unfamiliar or unsafe. If past trauma taught them that good things are often followed by something bad, success may trigger anxiety rather than celebration.
Dissociation: People who frequently zone out or detach from their surroundings, often without realizing it, may be experiencing dissociation, a common trauma response. While it might seem like simple daydreaming or forgetfulness, it’s actually a way the mind copes with overwhelming emotions or memories by disconnecting.
Compulsive Overachieving: Overworking and overachieving can stem from trauma. In some cases, trauma survivors might feel they need to prove their worth constantly. This is often tied to an internal sense of inadequacy or a belief that failure will lead to abandonment or rejection.
Avoidance of Conflict: People who go out of their way to avoid conflict—whether by being overly agreeable or not asserting their needs—might be responding to trauma. If someone has experienced chaotic or abusive environments, avoiding confrontation may feel like the safest way to maintain peace.
Chronic Fatigue: Many trauma survivors experience chronic exhaustion, which they might interpret as a physical issue. Trauma can lead to heightened states of stress and anxiety, which drain energy over time, leaving people feeling perpetually tired, even without obvious physical exertion.
Intense Need for Control: Constantly needing to control situations or outcomes can be a result of trauma. People who have experienced unpredictable or unsafe environments often develop an intense desire for control as a way to create a sense of safety.
Self-Isolation: People who withdraw from social situations, even when they are invited or encouraged to participate, might be reacting to trauma. They may avoid relationships or social interaction to protect themselves from further emotional harm or rejection.
Overreacting to Rejection: If someone seems to take rejection or criticism exceptionally hard, it could be a trauma response. Rejection may feel like an abandonment or betrayal, which can re-trigger unresolved trauma.
Hypersexuality or Sexual Avoidance: Some trauma survivors respond to their experience by engaging in risky sexual behavior as a way to reclaim control or numb emotional pain. Conversely, others may develop an aversion to sexual intimacy as a way to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable or re-experiencing traumatic memories.
Lack of Emotional Expression: A person who seems emotionally flat or struggles to express joy, sadness, or anger may have learned to suppress their emotions as a survival mechanism during trauma. This emotional numbness can become a habitual response, making it difficult to fully engage in relationships or experiences.
Recognizing these signs as possible trauma responses rather than permanent aspects of your personality can be empowering. It can open the door to healing, self-compassion, and growth. By understanding where these behaviors come from, it’s easier to address the underlying issues and move toward recovery.
Overcoming Trauma Responses
Once these trauma responses have been identified, victims can take steps to address and overcome them, both with professional support and independently.
Professional Support
Trauma Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps victims recognize negative thought patterns (like self-blame or mistrust) and reframe them in healthier ways. This approach is highly effective for addressing issues like self-worth and hypervigilance.
Trauma-Informed Therapy: Specialized trauma therapy focuses on helping individuals process the emotional impact of the scam, work through triggers, and rebuild their sense of safety.
Schema Therapy: This approach addresses deeply rooted beliefs (schemas) that may have developed as a result of trauma, helping victims break cycles of self-doubt or negative thinking.
Find Therapists: Professional licensed therapists can be found at counseling.AgainstScams.org
Support & Recovery Providers Such as SCARS Institute
Victims can find community and validation by joining scam survivor support groups. Sharing their experience with others who have gone through similar situations can help alleviate feelings of isolation and self-blame. Sign up at support.AgainstScams.org
Financial and Legal Counseling
Scam victims may face financial losses and need professional advice on how to recover or mitigate the damage. This can also reduce the sense of hopelessness associated with financial trauma.
Self-Help Strategies
Emotional Awareness and Journaling
Scam victims can start by documenting their thoughts and emotions. Journaling helps them identify patterns in their trauma responses, like when they over-apologize or have difficulty trusting others.
Recognizing when they feel triggered or defensive can help them pause, reflect, and approach situations more calmly.
Get a specially designed bound printed Scam Victim’s Journal at shop.AgainstScams.org
Building Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is essential in regaining control. Victims can define what kinds of support they are open to, who they trust, and how they engage in conversations about their experience. Boundaries help create a safe space for recovery without being overwhelmed.
Gradual Exposure to Triggers
Instead of avoiding triggers, victims should practice controlled exposure to the situations or emotions that cause discomfort. Starting with low-risk environments and gradually working up to more challenging ones can help build emotional resilience.
Reframing Negative Thoughts
Scam victims can practice reframing negative thoughts by actively challenging them. For instance, instead of thinking, “I’m so stupid for falling for this,” they might replace it with, “I was manipulated, but I’m learning and growing from this experience.”
Saying out loud the SCARS Institute Affirmations:
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- It was not my fault
- I am a survivor
- I am not alone
- I am worthy – Axios
- Only Truth – Vero
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Practicing Gratitude
Focusing on small positive aspects of life can help victims shift from feelings of unworthiness to recognizing their inherent value. Daily practices of gratitude, like listing three things they are thankful for, can improve their mindset.
If you would like to donate to the SCARS Institute please visit donate.AgainstScams.org or make a purchase from our bookstore at shop.AgainstScams.org
Education
Understanding how scams work can empower victims. Knowing they were up against professional criminals using manipulative techniques can help remove the self-blame and rebuild their self-esteem.
We recommend that you enroll in the SCARS Institute Scam Survivor’s School – it is free for scam victims/survivors and their families at www.SCARSeducation.org
Steps to Take for a Balanced Recovery
Acknowledge Trauma Responses: Recognize that reactions such as mistrust, self-blame, or over-apologizing are trauma responses, not personality traits.
Seek Professional Help: Engage with trauma-informed therapists or support groups to process the emotional fallout from the scam.
Create a Support Network: Surround yourself with people who understand your experience and can offer non-judgmental support.
Establish Boundaries: Protect your emotional space by setting limits on what you are willing to discuss and when.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, understanding that you were a victim of a manipulative scam.
Challenge Negative Beliefs: Actively work on reframing thoughts about unworthiness or guilt.
Start Small with Trust: Begin rebuilding trust in small, safe interactions to restore faith in others gradually.
Address Financial Concerns: Seek advice on how to rebuild financially after a scam to relieve some stress and gain control.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge progress in your recovery, no matter how small, to stay motivated.
Stay Educated: Learn more about scams and trauma recovery to strengthen your defenses against future vulnerabilities.
By taking these steps, scam victims can start to regain control over their lives, rebuild their sense of trust, and work toward a healthier, more resilient future. Understanding trauma responses is the key to unlocking the pathway to genuine recovery.
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
This is but one component, one piece of the puzzle …
Understanding how the human mind is manipulated and controlled involves recognizing that the tactics employed by deceivers are multifaceted and complex. This information is just one aspect of a broader spectrum of vulnerabilities, tendencies, and techniques that permit us to be influenced and deceived. To grasp the full extent of how our minds can be influenced, it is essential to examine all the various processes and functions of our brains and minds, methods and strategies used the criminals, and our psychological tendencies (such as cognitive biases) that enable deception. Each part contributes to a larger puzzle, revealing how our perceptions and decisions can be subtly swayed. By appreciating the diverse ways in which manipulation occurs, we gain a more comprehensive understanding of the challenges we face in avoiding deception in its many forms.
“Thufir Hawat: Now, remember, the first step in avoiding a *trap* – is knowing of its existence.” — DUNE
“If you can fully understand your own mind, you can avoid any deception!” — Tim McGuinness, Ph.D.
“The essence of bravery is being without self-deception.” — Pema Chödrön
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- For New Victims of Relationship Scams newvictim.AgainstScams.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Donate to SCARS and help us help others at donate.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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