(Last Updated On: June 25, 2023)

A Small Drop Of Insight About Victims’ Trauma

By Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

An Insight about Scam Victims and How To Help

One of the great challenges that we have seen in long-term victims/survivors of romance scams (and all relationship scams) is that they never return to exactly who they were.

The trauma of the experience is always with you.

Not dominating your every moment like it is for new victims, but always in the background waiting for those triggers that still remain.

We have seen this many times in survivors and how it can affect their relationships long years after the scam ends.

The important lesson for every victim/survivor is to never lose sight of the traumas that they have experienced in life. Never lose sight that new challenges and stressors can rekindle triggers long dormant,

Most of us will never have the presence of mind to ask ourselves why we are reacting to pressures and triggering moments in life, yet this is exactly what we need to do. Being mindful becomes an essential permanent requirement for everyone that has suffered a significant trauma.

Strangely, we have seen how victims/survivors seem to build up resiliency as they go through recovery, yet when they think they are fully recovered and stop engaging in the things that got them there, resilience diminishes again.

Even after years, small things can get blown out of proportion, but by always remaining mindful you can analyze why it happened and reinforce your resiliency.

This is the life-long lesson that everyone should learn about trauma – it never really goes away, we all just learn how to manage it. But like the devil, convincing us that he does not exist, so too does trauma slide back into the deepest crevices of the mind only to reemerge when we least expect it.

Everyone carries this dormant virus in us – our past traumas just waiting for the right triggers to emerge again regardless of the years that have gone by.

However, each of you also carried the vaccination against it in the front of your brain called mindfulness.

When the amygdala triggers defensiveness or anger or fear, just be mindful of the emotions and use the skills you have learned to understand what was the cause of the reaction so you can work on preventing future reactions.

Triggers will always be with us. Emotional reactions are always a part of our minds, the amygdala never gives up easily – it always keeps some part of those reactions buried deep inside. But you can learn to minimize them, and with proper insight quash each one as it emerges, so that you have fewer and fewer out-of-control moments as you travel in time through the future.

By not doing these, we slowly cut ourselves off from the people that matter, the resources we need, and the opportunities that the future would bring.

We all are reactive beings, but we are also intelligent creatures capable of controlling our outcomes,

We hope you learn the lessons that will allow you to navigate your Yellow Brick Road and learn to chase away the Flying Monkeys!

May your future be bright and that you always have lanterns that you can throw into the deepest darkness

PLEASE NOTE: Psychology Clarification

The following specific modalities within the practice of psychology are restricted to psychologists appropriately trained in the use of such modalities:

  • Diagnosis: The diagnosis of mental, emotional, or brain disorders and related behaviors.
  • Psychoanalysis: Psychoanalysis is a type of therapy that focuses on helping individuals to understand and resolve unconscious conflicts.
  • Hypnosis: Hypnosis is a state of trance in which individuals are more susceptible to suggestion. It can be used to treat a variety of conditions, including anxiety, depression, and pain.
  • Biofeedback: Biofeedback is a type of therapy that teaches individuals to control their bodily functions, such as heart rate and blood pressure. It can be used to treat a variety of conditions, including stress, anxiety, and pain.
  • Behavioral analysis: Behavioral analysis is a type of therapy that focuses on changing individuals’ behaviors. It is often used to treat conditions such as autism and ADHD.
    Neuropsychology: Neuropsychology is a type of psychology that focuses on the relationship between the brain and behavior. It is often used to assess and treat cognitive impairments caused by brain injuries or diseases.

SCARS and the members of the SCARS Team do not engage in any of the above modalities in relationship to scam victims. SCARS is not a mental healthcare provider and recognizes the importance of professionalism and separation between its work and that of the licensed practice of psychology.

SCARS is an educational provider of generalized self-help information that individuals can use for their own benefit to achieve their own goals related to emotional trauma. SCARS recommends that all scam victims see professional counselors or therapists to help them determine the suitability of any specific information or practices that may help them.

SCARS cannot diagnose or treat any individuals, nor can it state the effectiveness of any educational information that it may provide, regardless of its experience in interacting with traumatized scam victims over time. All information that SCARS provides is purely for general educational purposes to help scam victims become aware of and better understand the topics and to be able to dialog with their counselors or therapists.

It is important that all readers understand these distinctions and that they apply the information that SCARS may publish at their own risk, and should do so only after consulting a licensed psychologist or mental healthcare provider.

Opinions

The opinions of the author are not necessarily those of the Society of Citizens Against Rleationship Scams Inc. The author is solely responsible for the content of their work. SCARS is protected under the Communications Decency Act (CDA) section 230 from liability.

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