ScamsNOW!
The SCARS Institute Magazine about Scam Victims-Survivors, Scams, Fraud & Cybercrime
A Small Drop Of Insight About Victims’ Trauma
By Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
An Insight about Scam Victims and How To Help
One of the great challenges that we have seen in long-term victims/survivors of romance scams (and all relationship scams) is that they never return to exactly who they were.
The trauma of the experience is always with you.
Not dominating your every moment like it is for new victims, but always in the background waiting for those triggers that still remain.
We have seen this many times in survivors and how it can affect their relationships long years after the scam ends.
The important lesson for every victim/survivor is to never lose sight of the traumas that they have experienced in life. Never lose sight that new challenges and stressors can rekindle triggers long dormant,
Most of us will never have the presence of mind to ask ourselves why we are reacting to pressures and triggering moments in life, yet this is exactly what we need to do. Being mindful becomes an essential permanent requirement for everyone that has suffered a significant trauma.
Strangely, we have seen how victims/survivors seem to build up resiliency as they go through recovery, yet when they think they are fully recovered and stop engaging in the things that got them there, resilience diminishes again.
Even after years, small things can get blown out of proportion, but by always remaining mindful you can analyze why it happened and reinforce your resiliency.
This is the life-long lesson that everyone should learn about trauma – it never really goes away, we all just learn how to manage it. But like the devil, convincing us that he does not exist, so too does trauma slide back into the deepest crevices of the mind only to reemerge when we least expect it.
Everyone carries this dormant virus in us – our past traumas just waiting for the right triggers to emerge again regardless of the years that have gone by.
However, each of you also carried the vaccination against it in the front of your brain called mindfulness.
When the amygdala triggers defensiveness or anger or fear, just be mindful of the emotions and use the skills you have learned to understand what was the cause of the reaction so you can work on preventing future reactions.
Triggers will always be with us. Emotional reactions are always a part of our minds, the amygdala never gives up easily – it always keeps some part of those reactions buried deep inside. But you can learn to minimize them, and with proper insight quash each one as it emerges, so that you have fewer and fewer out-of-control moments as you travel in time through the future.
By not doing these, we slowly cut ourselves off from the people that matter, the resources we need, and the opportunities that the future would bring.
We all are reactive beings, but we are also intelligent creatures capable of controlling our outcomes,
We hope you learn the lessons that will allow you to navigate your Yellow Brick Road and learn to chase away the Flying Monkeys!
May your future be bright and that you always have lanterns that you can throw into the deepest darkness
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
- An Insight about Scam Victims and How To Help
- Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Statement About Victim Blaming
- SCARS INSTITUTE RESOURCES:
- Psychology Disclaimer:
- More ScamsNOW.com Articles
- A Question of Trust
- SCARS Institute™ ScamsNOW Magazine
Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. [SCARS]
META
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on A Labrador’s Tale – My Human’s Heartbreak – A Romance Scam Victim’s Story – A Short Story – 2025: “This is the sad truth told in the most beautiful way. I hope those who read this, realise in how…” May 20, 15:16
on Scam Victims Guide To Do-It-Yourself Exposure Therapy – 2024: “Very good article. This approach may not work for me. Working with my therapist is preferrable. I can see, however,…” May 20, 10:42
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and not to blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and help victims avoid scams in the future. At times, this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims; we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens, and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
SCARS INSTITUTE RESOURCES:
IF YOU HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED BY A SCAM OR CYBERCRIME
♦ If you are a victim of scams, go to www.ScamVictimsSupport.org for real knowledge and help
♦ Enroll in SCARS Scam Survivor’s School now at www.SCARSeducation.org
♦ To report criminals, visit https://reporting.AgainstScams.org – we will NEVER give your data to money recovery companies like some do!
♦ Follow us and find our podcasts, webinars, and helpful videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RomancescamsNowcom
♦ Learn about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
♦ Dig deeper into the reality of scams, fraud, and cybercrime at www.ScamsNOW.com and www.RomanceScamsNOW.com
♦ Scam Survivor’s Stories: www.ScamSurvivorStories.org
♦ For Scam Victim Advocates visit www.ScamVictimsAdvocates.org
♦ See more scammer photos on www.ScammerPhotos.com
You can also find the SCARS Institute on Facebook, Instagram, X, LinkedIn, and TruthSocial
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair, please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
More ScamsNOW.com Articles
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches, but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
This lesson was very impactful for me. I have experiences these short-circuit flashbacks and it does bring back the trauma. The most important thing we can do is practice mindfulness every day to keep strong and resilient.
I appreciate the reminder that the triggers are always with us, and to be mindful of them when they sneak up on us, when we least suspect it.
My fraud has taught me that I have unresolved trauma that is continuing to trip me up. One of those traumas is my ex-husband; with whom I can’t address anything as he passed away almost three years ago. Reading this paper has let me see that there are traumas that shape our lives and only mindfulness can help us learn and grow and expand beyond the boundaries imposed by those same traumas. And with mindfulness we CAN move beyond those boundaries to a more mentally healthy future.
I remember telling my family that these scamming experiences have changed me as a person. I cannot go back to who I was. I felt that inside before I read Dr. McGuinness’ paper above. I think mindfulness is like CPR for trauma. We cannot survive without it. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us everyone associated with SCARS. It is so helpful and for some, it is lifesaving. Bless you!
You are very welcome
Knowing that there will be triggers now and then, we can get in are tool learning box and pull out the answer to are triggers. We also know that are scam is now apart of are lives, but we can be mindful of it and continue to move forward.
It makes me sad to know how easily my codependency can be triggered, and how vulnerable I am to being scammed. I was the lady who warned everyone else about scams, yet I ended up in one myself. It’s very difficult to stop berating yourself for the mistakes in judgement that were made. I really hope the mindfulness exercises work to help change my pattern of thinking! Thank you SCARS for all that you do!
I appreciate this so much.
I know my scam didn’t affect me as severely as my childhood drama, marriage and then a very traumatic experience in November 2023 – January 2024 did, but I can testify that the triggers always are there. The smallest trigger is like a spark to a flame and that is why it is most important to undergo this schooling. I am a survivor of life with criminals in all shapes and sizes and I am raising above it all.
Thank you SCARS
I found that since my scam, I am more patient with myself, being observant to the feelings that come up, feeling it and letting it go. It has lighten the load that I carry as a victim in bits and pieces, but the scar is there as a reminder of my trauma.
Mindfulness exercises really works.
I have found that I am a lot more emotional about a lot of different things since my scam experience. I think I have cried more in the last 6 months than I had in the previous 60 years.
Good reminder that we will always need to watch for triggers