One of the things that can be hardest for new victims is total acceptance!
Instead, they tend to want to believe in the motivational fairy tales that are everywhere in life. This is called ‘Motivational Denial.’ Yes, it is a real thing!
Moivational sayings are great for encouragement, but remember what we say about encouragement – it pats you and the back and says “Everything is going to be fine.” Except it is not. Recovery is incredibly hard, just ask any of the more senior group members. That is why they are here in this group to help you really understand how hard it is.
Yes, there is such a thing as “motivational denial.”
It is the act of ignoring the reality of a situation in order to stay motivated or positive. It can be a dangerous practice, as it can lead to people making poor decisions or taking unnecessary risks.
It is NOT the same as ‘Affirmations’ such as ‘I am a survivor’ or ‘It was not my fault.’ Those are statements of fact that you say over and over to get them glued into your brain and believe them!
Not all motivation is bad
If it helps you realistically face what you are dealing with, then great. But if it is telling you a fairy tale then it is not.
There are a few reasons why people might engage in motivational denial.
One reason is that they may be afraid of failure. If they acknowledge the reality of a situation, they may feel like they are setting themselves up for disappointment. Another reason is that they may be trying to protect their pride. Another is shame. If they admit that they are struggling, they may feel like they are admitting weakness.
Motivational denial can be seen in many different areas of life, but especially true for new scam victims.
An athlete who is injured may continue to play, despite the risk of further injury. A business owner who is losing money may continue to invest in their failing company. Or a scam victim who goes back onto online dating too soon.
In all of these cases, the person is ignoring the reality of their situation in order to stay motivated or positive. This can be a dangerous practice, as it can lead to people making poor & dangerous decisions, rejecting real help, not listening to the real situation, or taking unnecessary risks.
It is important to be aware of the dangers of motivational denial.
If you find yourself ignoring the reality of a situation in order to stay motivated, it is important to take a step back and assess the situation honestly and authentically.
Acknowledging the reality of a situation is the first step to making a plan to address it – in other words, moving forward with your recovery.
Here are some tips for avoiding motivational denial:
Be honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses.
Set realistic goals. But understand there is no certainty.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Be prepared for setbacks, hard work, and relapses.
Celebrate your successes.
Remember, it is okay to not be perfect. It is also ok to be afraid and feel uncertain. Everyone makes mistakes and faces challenges. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.
Remember, there is no certainty in what you are going through, other than the fact that if you resist you will fail.
We hope you will not, and as you can clearly see, the people who make the commitment to do the hard things make it!
We are here to tell you the truth, and it is not always easy. It is just true.